FRANWORST

Saturday, January 07, 2006

PseudoDental Repair Franchise

Sick and tired of being the biggest loser at your high school reunions? Become a Pseudodontechnician and show them all!
Won't they be surprised when they find out you've become something they can't even pronounce. Imagine the buzz: "Did you hear that (your name here) has become a pseudo... a Pseudotontic... a Psoodontic... oh, you know!"
When you become a False Teeth Repaired While U Wait franchise owner, you'll attend the leading pseudodentical technical repair facility in the country, and be repairing false smiles in no time. If you're chomping at the bit to gain a modicum of respect, then let's get chopping!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

101 Ways to Get Rich Quick!

1. Waffle Delivery & Repair
2. Nudes 'N Foods Franchise
3. The FOR SALE Bologna Brown-Eggs Quilts Crafts Cheese Flowers Pernnials franchise
4. The Town Crier Franchise
5. Be a Buccaneer Butcher!
6. Clean BJs & Weiners!
7. The Mr. Bagpipe Franchise
8. Start your own Church!
9. Old Barn Wood Furniture and Crafts
10. Peculiar Medical Clinic
11. Home Pasta Delivery
12. Become a Marketing Consultant!
13. Big Money in Midgets
14. Own a BetaMax Superstore!
15. Amish Country Signs Franchise
16. Make Luggage from Tape!
17. Start a Home Casino!
18. Turn Trash into Cash!
19. Unlock Windows of Opportunity
20. The ultimate booming business
21. Fungus "R" Us Toenail Fungal abatement
22. Mona Leasing Art Rental Franchise
23. Pseudodental Repair Franchise
24. Sell Dehydrated Water
25. Open an "As Seen in Motels" discount store
26. Open a Sundae Station franchise
27. Market "Afterlife Telegrams"
28. Win International Lotteries!
29. Assist Nigerian Millionaire Widows & Orphans
30. Sell your Immortal Soul!
31. Import Gourmet Minnesota Coconuts!
32. Sell Freeze Pops With REAL Shards O' Glass
33. Sell Trendy Male Lipstick
34. Start a Home Lasik Surgery Center
35. Start your own Pet Island!
36. Sell Child Confinement & Transport Products
37. Sell Peace of Mind
38. Sell immortality. That's right. IMMORTALITY!
39. Sell Doggy Eyewear!
40. Become a Lip Balm Addiction Counselor
41. Buy a Mooncake, Meatfloss & CuttleFish Franchise
42. Open a Simpson Alter Ego Rehabilitation Clinic
43. Sell Snake Penis Capsules Medicine
44. San Francisco Sausage Co. & Fudge Packery
45. Open a Squat 'n Gobble Restaurant!
46. DAPZY's! The Dangerous Animal Petting Zoo
47. The Big Green Mystical Ball
48. Become a Happy Hooker!
49. Open a Bette Davis BBQ Joint!
50. Open a Gun Store Tattoo Parlor
51. Sell HandJobs!
52. Sell FUELISH! Top Secret Gasoline Booster!
53. Sell Gently War-Torn Real Estate!
54. Flip No-Dinar-Down Properties!
55. Sell Frozen Meats. They're endangered!
56. Sell AutoErotic Asphyxia Accessories
57. Open a Christian Dollar Store!
58. Rent Negroes for Big $$$$$
59. Human Caviar: The Next Big Craze!
60. Buy/Sell Black Market Babies, Pandas & Tigers.
61. Provide Primate Temp Tech Workers.
62. Become a Memory Erasure Intake Counselor.
63. Help Parents Create Perfect Children.
64. Build Corpses for Fun & Profit.
65. Or Become a Corpse Reseller.
66. Open a Brain Transplant Clinic...
67. Become a Deep Discount Travel Agent!
68. Sell delicious "PISS" (It's imported!)
69. Become a Cheezus Freak!
70. Sell Republican Clothing
71. Sell Cute Lil Fetuses
72. EZ TOYZ = EZ CASH!!!
73. Be a Cavie Costumer!
74. No-Money Down Iraqi Real Estate
75. Friendly Fire Fast Funds Franchise!
76. Sell UFO Abduction Insurance!
77. Sell Cow Pie Clocks
78. Sell Penis Birds
79. Sell Penis Clowns
80. Become a Rectal Exam Trainer!
81. Start an Anti-Currency Movement!
82. Become a Contract Killer!
83. Sell Innovative Fruit Carriers
84. Sell Yarmulkebras!(TM)
85. Rent Your Chest!
86. Sell Vulva Puppets!
87. Sell Nipple Stifflers
88. Start an Ultimate Taxi Service!
89. Become an Etch-a-Sketch Artist!
90. Sue your employer!
91. Magic Money Matrix as seen on OPRAH!
92. Shit Creek Paddle Store Franchise
93. Start a Band called Sand Dollar
94. AdVerPets NewMedia Franchise
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77. - 101. Coming Soon...

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Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Mona Leasing Art Franchise

Everybody loves art! But let's face it, we get pretty friggin' sick of looking at the same crap every month. As a Mona Leasing franchise owner, you'll get in on the hot new market for art rental. Each month, your team will arrive in your customized Van-Go Express Van and bring a whole world of art to homes and businesses! From the Masters such as Rembrandt and Gaugin to good stuff. Mona Leasing will train you how to capitalize on specialty markets with exclusive lines, like the "Survivors" series for post-layoff companies and the progressive "Kidzart" for the refrigerators of the childless.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Toenail Fungus Abatement

Q: Why do Fungus "R" Us franchise owners get invited to so many parties?
A: Because they're real fun guys (fungis). And because they're rich as hell.
It's no fun when there's a fungus among'us. These little piggies ain't going anywhere but to your Fungus "R" Us toenail fungus abatement franchise where the owner will foot any bill and pay through the nose for fungal-free toes.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Richard Quick's Franchise Revolution (coming soon)

It's another bestseller in the making.
Are you thinking of buying a franchise? Buying a franchise is an excellent idea. All the best franchises will be included in Richard Quick's book on franchising: Franchise Revolution! Look for it soon, franchise seekers.

Business is booming... Literally!

New franchise is "da Bomb"!
For whatever reason, the bomb defusement business is undergoing explosive growth. And for whatever reason, local law enforcement officials and municipalities are calling in "outsiders" to handle their most urgent situations. As a Mr. Bomb Squad franchise owner, you'll receive a full 9 days of training in handling every type of explosive, from science fair projects to the thermonuclear devices of mad scientists. Once you receive your training certificate and logoed Mr. Bomb Squad Mini Cooper, we'll direct you (via phone) on how to conduct a Grand Opening program to get your business started with a bang!

Monday, November 21, 2005

A Window of Opportunity!

Home Invasion: The Franchise of the Future.
Want to know who started the saying "Crime doesn't pay"? Criminals, that's who. Because they don't want anyone to know just how many millionaires the current boom in home invasions is creating! Learn more in Richard Quick's upcoming book: "Get Rich Quick: 100 businesses you can start once you're out of the joint."

(Void where prohibited by law.)

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Turn Trash into Cash!

And help save the environment!
Each week American consumers clean, sort and place millions of dollars worth of aluminum cans and other valuables at their curbside in clearly marked containers. In Richard Quick's upcoming book "Get Rich Quick! How to become a millionaire in 30 Days... Guaranteed," you'll learn how to turn their trash into YOUR cash working only a few hours per day... and you'll be home by breakfast! Contact Richard Quick to reserve your advanced autographed collectible copy!

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Start a Home Casino!

Get in on the Gambling and Home-Schooling Booms!
If there's one thing both right and left wingers agree on, it's that gambling is good. It's good for America. It's good for our children. And it's good for my offshore bank accounts. And now you can bring the virtues of gambling to your suburban neighborhood, and start a new life for yourself, by turning your extra guestroom or musty basement into your own Casino and Home-Based Poker school! Learn all about it in Richard Quick's upcoming book "Get Rich Quick! 99 Home Businesses You can Start for Less then $1.00!" Email Richard directly to get on the waiting list.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Make Luggage... Out of Tape!

With the Mr. Luggage-Made-Out-of-Tape* franchise, you'll use patented procedures and techniques to manufacture, market and sell your own designer cellophane tape luggage.

* Not affiliated with the Mr. Tape, Mr. Luggage or the Mr. Luggage-Not-Made-Out-Of-Tape companies.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Looking for a business opportunity that provides the best opportunity for business growth? Then you'll love Richard Quick's upcoming bestseller Richard Quick's Best Business Opportunities for Business Opportunity Seekers. Coming soon... soon as it's written.

Amish Country Signs Franchise

In the fast-paced, cutthroat world of A-Commerce, competition is fiercer than ever. And with many of the Amish moving quilt production and shoofly-pie baking overseas, it's only going to get worse. Now you can give business owners the competitive advantage they need... high-impact, state of the art digital signage solutions with an authentic, old-world look. The tourists will never know what hit them.
[Holiday tip: try gift shopping from Amish Country at Lancaster County Market. This tip brought to you by Lancaster County Market]

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

1st Choice Beta Video Superstore!

1st Choice Video is the innovative and trendsetting video superstore and the home of the MegaBeta In-Stock Guarantee. In the 1980s, it was 1st Choice that anticipated the triumph of Beta format videos over VHS, in the 1990s it invested heavily in laserdisc technology and in 2005 foretold the death of the DVD. Now you can hitch your financial wagon, and life savings, to this shooting star.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Big Money in Midgets!

They say that good things come in small packages... and the Midget Mart franchise is certainly a good thing. It's a chance to get in on the growing demand for the diminutive. And ask about the Midget Mart financing program if you're a little short of funds.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Become A Marketing Consultant!

Now you can be a professional marketing consultant: No special skills or talent required. All it takes is a desire to succeed, the ability to keep a straight face and a general disregard for the moral standards shared by all cultures and religions throughout the world. With our extensive guidance, you'll propose moronic ideas and get paid for it. The more moronic the idea, the more you get paid!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Home Pasta Delivery

Italian food that actually originated in China and popularized in the United States through home delivery is a proven moneymaker. First it was pizza. Then buckets of ravioli. And now pasta by the wheelbarrel. Act fast, because prime pasta territories will soon be going going gone!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

A Peculiar Business for Peculiar People

Peculiar times breed peculiar ailments in peculiar people... creating a demand for this peculiarly appealing business. It's a business every bit as peculiar as you.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Old Barn Wood Furniture and Crafts

As an Old Barn Wood Furniture and Crafts, you'll learn our state-of-the-art advertising methods and deploy our cutting edge lead generation tools to create a booming business selling Old Barn Wood. And Furniture. And Crafts.

[Do some gift shopping Amish-style at Lancaster County Market. Now.]

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Mr. Bagpipe

Scots are hot! Trendwatchers know the next wave of millionaires will be bagpipers. Don't get caught with your kilt down on this one. There can only be one Mr. Bagpipe franchisee per major metro area. Will it be you?

[To sign up for Richard Quick's free "Get Rich Quick" newsletter, email Richard Quick and say: Hey Richard Quick, sign me up for your free "Get Rich Quick" newsletter!]