Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Mona Leasing Art Franchise

Everybody loves art! But let's face it, we get pretty friggin' sick of looking at the same crap every month. As a Mona Leasing franchise owner, you'll get in on the hot new market for art rental. Each month, your team will arrive in your customized Van-Go Express Van and bring a whole world of art to homes and businesses! From the Masters such as Rembrandt and Gaugin to good stuff. Mona Leasing will train you how to capitalize on specialty markets with exclusive lines, like the "Survivors" series for post-layoff companies and the progressive "Kidzart" for the refrigerators of the childless.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Toenail Fungus Abatement

Q: Why do Fungus "R" Us franchise owners get invited to so many parties?
A: Because they're real fun guys (fungis). And because they're rich as hell.
It's no fun when there's a fungus among'us. These little piggies ain't going anywhere but to your Fungus "R" Us toenail fungus abatement franchise where the owner will foot any bill and pay through the nose for fungal-free toes.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Richard Quick's Franchise Revolution (coming soon)

It's another bestseller in the making.
Are you thinking of buying a franchise? Buying a franchise is an excellent idea. All the best franchises will be included in Richard Quick's book on franchising: Franchise Revolution! Look for it soon, franchise seekers.

Business is booming... Literally!

New franchise is "da Bomb"!
For whatever reason, the bomb defusement business is undergoing explosive growth. And for whatever reason, local law enforcement officials and municipalities are calling in "outsiders" to handle their most urgent situations. As a Mr. Bomb Squad franchise owner, you'll receive a full 9 days of training in handling every type of explosive, from science fair projects to the thermonuclear devices of mad scientists. Once you receive your training certificate and logoed Mr. Bomb Squad Mini Cooper, we'll direct you (via phone) on how to conduct a Grand Opening program to get your business started with a bang!

Monday, November 21, 2005

A Window of Opportunity!

Home Invasion: The Franchise of the Future.
Want to know who started the saying "Crime doesn't pay"? Criminals, that's who. Because they don't want anyone to know just how many millionaires the current boom in home invasions is creating! Learn more in Richard Quick's upcoming book: "Get Rich Quick: 100 businesses you can start once you're out of the joint."

(Void where prohibited by law.)

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Turn Trash into Cash!

And help save the environment!
Each week American consumers clean, sort and place millions of dollars worth of aluminum cans and other valuables at their curbside in clearly marked containers. In Richard Quick's upcoming book "Get Rich Quick! How to become a millionaire in 30 Days... Guaranteed," you'll learn how to turn their trash into YOUR cash working only a few hours per day... and you'll be home by breakfast! Contact Richard Quick to reserve your advanced autographed collectible copy!

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Start a Home Casino!

Get in on the Gambling and Home-Schooling Booms!
If there's one thing both right and left wingers agree on, it's that gambling is good. It's good for America. It's good for our children. And it's good for my offshore bank accounts. And now you can bring the virtues of gambling to your suburban neighborhood, and start a new life for yourself, by turning your extra guestroom or musty basement into your own Casino and Home-Based Poker school! Learn all about it in Richard Quick's upcoming book "Get Rich Quick! 99 Home Businesses You can Start for Less then $1.00!" Email Richard directly to get on the waiting list.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Make Luggage... Out of Tape!

With the Mr. Luggage-Made-Out-of-Tape* franchise, you'll use patented procedures and techniques to manufacture, market and sell your own designer cellophane tape luggage.

* Not affiliated with the Mr. Tape, Mr. Luggage or the Mr. Luggage-Not-Made-Out-Of-Tape companies.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Looking for a business opportunity that provides the best opportunity for business growth? Then you'll love Richard Quick's upcoming bestseller Richard Quick's Best Business Opportunities for Business Opportunity Seekers. Coming soon... soon as it's written.

Amish Country Signs Franchise

In the fast-paced, cutthroat world of A-Commerce, competition is fiercer than ever. And with many of the Amish moving quilt production and shoofly-pie baking overseas, it's only going to get worse. Now you can give business owners the competitive advantage they need... high-impact, state of the art digital signage solutions with an authentic, old-world look. The tourists will never know what hit them.
[Holiday tip: try gift shopping from Amish Country at Lancaster County Market. This tip brought to you by Lancaster County Market]

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

1st Choice Beta Video Superstore!

1st Choice Video is the innovative and trendsetting video superstore and the home of the MegaBeta In-Stock Guarantee. In the 1980s, it was 1st Choice that anticipated the triumph of Beta format videos over VHS, in the 1990s it invested heavily in laserdisc technology and in 2005 foretold the death of the DVD. Now you can hitch your financial wagon, and life savings, to this shooting star.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Big Money in Midgets!

They say that good things come in small packages... and the Midget Mart franchise is certainly a good thing. It's a chance to get in on the growing demand for the diminutive. And ask about the Midget Mart financing program if you're a little short of funds.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Become A Marketing Consultant!

Now you can be a professional marketing consultant: No special skills or talent required. All it takes is a desire to succeed, the ability to keep a straight face and a general disregard for the moral standards shared by all cultures and religions throughout the world. With our extensive guidance, you'll propose moronic ideas and get paid for it. The more moronic the idea, the more you get paid!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Home Pasta Delivery

Italian food that actually originated in China and popularized in the United States through home delivery is a proven moneymaker. First it was pizza. Then buckets of ravioli. And now pasta by the wheelbarrel. Act fast, because prime pasta territories will soon be going going gone!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

A Peculiar Business for Peculiar People

Peculiar times breed peculiar ailments in peculiar people... creating a demand for this peculiarly appealing business. It's a business every bit as peculiar as you.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Old Barn Wood Furniture and Crafts

As an Old Barn Wood Furniture and Crafts, you'll learn our state-of-the-art advertising methods and deploy our cutting edge lead generation tools to create a booming business selling Old Barn Wood. And Furniture. And Crafts.

[Do some gift shopping Amish-style at Lancaster County Market. Now.]

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Mr. Bagpipe

Scots are hot! Trendwatchers know the next wave of millionaires will be bagpipers. Don't get caught with your kilt down on this one. There can only be one Mr. Bagpipe franchisee per major metro area. Will it be you?

[To sign up for Richard Quick's free "Get Rich Quick" newsletter, email Richard Quick and say: Hey Richard Quick, sign me up for your free "Get Rich Quick" newsletter!]

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

BJ Cleaners & Weiners

The acclaimed B.J. Cleaners has a new product line and, hence, a new name: B.J. Cleaners & Weiners. Now three American favorites add up to one great opportunity. For more information on this and other fine franchise opportunities, contact Richard Quick at

Monday, November 07, 2005

Work for U.S. Air!

Although it's not, technically, a business opportunity, U.S. Air is not, technically, like a business. Working for U.S. Air is even more exciting than self-employment... and it's done at 30,000 feet! But if it gets stressful, don't worry. You can always take it out on your passengers... and there are plenty of rules to blame it on!!!

Sunday, November 06, 2005

The Buccaneer Butcher

Aye, Mateys. If you've been searching for an opportunity to capitalize on your talent for pirate-talk with your love for flaying animal carcasses, methinks you've found yore opportunity.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

The Town Crier Franchise

Here Ye! Here Ye! The hottest advertising trend since BUMvertising is now a franchise!

The recent shortage of trained town criers has sent demand soaring for this hot-again advertising media. In fact, Advertising Age magazine ranked it as one of the trendiest new advertising media, right behind paid body part tattoos and logoed Pringles.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Looking for a business opportunity that provides the best opportunity for business growth? Then you'll love Richard Quick's upcoming bestseller Richard Quick's Best Business Opportunities for Business Opportunity Seekers. Coming soon... soon as it's written.

The FOR SALE Bologna Brown-Eggs Quilts Crafts Cheese Flowers Pernnials franchise

You run to the bologna store for balogna, then across the county road for some brown-eggs, pick-up a quilt in Bird-in-Hand, run to Intercourse for crafts, stop by the Cafe Cheezus for goat cheese... and you still haven't got your flowers OR pernnials! There's got to be a better way!

There IS... and you can make a dungcart full of dinero providing it... with your very own FOR SALE Bologna Brown-Eggs Quilts Crafts Cheese Flowers Pernnials franchise!

[Check out real Amish Country crafts and gifts at Lancaster County Market]

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Nudes 'n Foods Franchise

The dream of free food and naked women built this great nation, America. It's what first brought Columbus to these shores, and St. Brendan before him. It's what lured the Pilgrims to Plymouth Rock (what, you bought into religious freedom?). And it somehow brought Don Rickles. It's as American as, say, complimentary pornography and ham loaf. And now, it's a dream franchise for you. And the best part is that when they complain that the dancers are ugly, you can say, Sure, but hey, the food's free! And when they complain that the ham loaf smells funny, you say: What's the matter with you? There's naked women up there and you're talking ham loaf!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

"Waffles at Home" delivery and repair

Americans love their waffles. In fact, they can't get enough of 'em. But there's one problem: Americans are lazy as hell. Especially in the morning, hungover. Their hands are shakin so bad they can't manage to toast a frozen waffle, for chrissake. That's why the WAH franchisees are on patrol, making fresh waffles in their state-of-the-art PT Cruiser WaffleMobiles, ready to deliver pre-buttered, pre-syruped and pre-cut waffles to time-starved and morally bankrupt consumers of today!
(To learn about more this and other great businesses, email Richard at

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Are you ready for success?

When I’m sitting on the veranda of my multimillion-dollar home with my family all close around me, I ask myself: What is success?

To me, success is not about my Mercedes, Jaguar or Porsche.

It’s not about my houses in Aruba or Tahiti or the furnished apartment for my mistress.

Success is not about jewels, and fine suits and boats at all.

No, success is about owning those things. And having enough money left over to buy more.

If you would like to experience the kind of success usually reserved for those sitting on lawn chairs in Hawaii on the set of my infomercials, I invite you to read about the great wealth building opportunities on this site and in my books. When you're ready to succeed, get out your checkbook and send me an email that says: Yes, Richard! I'm ready for the good life! I'm ready to Get Rich Quick!

Email Richard Quick at

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Richard Quick Bank of Africa Application

Dear Bank of Africa Officials:

Here is the formal application with all the information needed to verify that I am the Next of Kin of Hazim "Hazi" Ibrahim who died in plane crash in 2003 with all of his family and left me his $22.3 Million in your bank.


Richard Quick, Esq.
"Next of Kin"

GET RICH QUICK: With Mercenary Cats!