Support American Dating Crusaders Jim Peters, rank Johnson And O.D.E.R.

I just learned about an incredibly anti-American law called IMBRA that prohibits men and women from speaking to non-feminist women and the brave patriot and dating crusaders Jim Peters, rank Johnson and their organization O.D.E.R. Online Dating for Everyone's Rights that carries on the tradition started by Benjamin Franklin who wanted to have relations with French and Thomas Jefferson who wanted to have extramarital affairs in Europe without the government or his wife butting in where they don't belong... a man's business!

These guys are fighting against some Iranian women and some feminists for their right to have online relations with European women Internet brides without having to tell them about their prior arrest records, real identities. These nambla guys are hardcore cool guys. rank Johnson even wrote new words to American woman that puts feminists and Iranian women in their place on and for all.

GRATE FUN! CHILD FRANCHISE FROM CHINA

(Read more at: Franworst)
America's beloved Millionaire entrepreneur Richard Quick, Esq. is pleased to announce that he has finalized negotiations with the People's Republic of China to become the exclusive U.S. representative and Master Franchise holder of the GRATE FUN! Child Adventure Systems.

At a press conference outside his celebrated Asian comic-book themed restaurant KUNG POW! restaurant, Mr. Quick announced that GRATE FUN! franchise opportunities would be available as early as next month.

Quick stated he was excited to have the People's Republic of China as his new business partner in the new venture, and looked forward to future projects.

Said Quick: "We are in the people business, and who better to partner with than those with the most people? Who understands the needs of children better than the country that has pops them out by the billions?"

The Grate Fun Child Adventure System franchise opportunity will be available as an add-on to an existing business, as a stand-alone recreation center, or as a cobranded franchise integrated with QuickCo's DEEP DISCOUNT TOYS! from China (pictured, right) or with QuickCo's ChineseBaby.Com affiliate program.

Hot Franchise Opportunities from QuickCo:

Shit Creek Paddle Store franchise

BELIEVE: It's NOT Multilevel Marketing!

ChineseBaby.Com Affiliate Program

MOB HITZ Hit Man Franchise

199 SureFire Ways to Get Rich Quick... Guaranteed!

Featured Franchise & Distributorship Opportunities

1. Darn Good Sock Repair
2. Eternal Ascent Cremation Dispersal
3. Starbuskj Cofe & Rop Franchise
4. Joe Weiner's Mail Order Brides Franchise
5. Wholly Crap Dog Doo Removal Franchise
6. Cheezus Industries Religious Cheese Sculpture Dist.
7. Wealth Thru Window Washing
8. Smelly Restroom Abatement Franchise
9. Hemp Sisters: Clothes You Can Smoke!
10. Start a Swinger's Club!
11. The "No Soup for You!" Franchise
12. Jesus-Is-Lord Escort Service
13. MetroNaps Napping Pod Franchise
14. Big Money Playing with HorseBalls!
15. Start an Exotic Dancer Ministry!
16. Become a Pro Hair Stylist for $59.95
17. Get in on the Mummification Boom!
18. Get God is in Your Upline! Heavenly MLM
19. Hot Product Alert: Pork & Beanie Babies!
20. CyberTan: The World's First Internet Tanning Salon!
21. HOT PRODUCT: Gasoline Supersoaker
22. HOT PRODUCT: Baby Grenade. Pull the pacifier & throw!
23. Raise & Slaughter Big Piles of Pigs

24. Sorry. Time for my massage...

Richard Quick, Esq. Will Grant you one wish.
ENTER IT HERE:




Richard Quick, Esq.'s Famous 101+ Ways to GET RICH QUICK!

1. Waffle Delivery & Repair
2. Nudes 'N Foods Franchise
3. The FOR SALE Bologna Brown-Eggs Quilts Crafts Cheese Flowers Pernnials franchise
4. The Town Crier Franchise
5. Be a Buccaneer Butcher!
6. Clean BJs & Weiners!
7. The Mr. Bagpipe Franchise
8. Start your own Church!
9. Old Barn Wood Furniture and Crafts
10. Peculiar Medical Clinic
11. Home Pasta Delivery
12. Become a Marketing Consultant!
13. Big Money in Midgets
14. Own a BetaMax Superstore!
15. Amish Country Signs Franchise
16. Make Luggage from Tape!
17. Start a Home Casino!
18. Turn Trash into Cash!
19. Unlock Windows of Opportunity
20. The ultimate booming business
21. Fungus "R" Us Toenail Fungal abatement
22. Mona Leasing Art Rental Franchise
23. Pseudodental Repair Franchise
24. Sell Dehydrated Water
25. Open an "As Seen in Motels" discount store
26. Open a Sundae Station franchise
27. Market "Afterlife Telegrams"
28. Win International Lotteries!
29. Assist Nigerian Millionaire Widows & Orphans
30. Sell your Immortal Soul!
31. Import Gourmet Minnesota Coconuts!
32. Sell Freeze Pops With REAL Shards O' Glass
33. Sell Trendy Male Lipstick
34. Start a Home Lasik Surgery Center
35. Start your own Pet Island!
36. Sell Child Confinement & Transport Products
37. Sell Peace of Mind
38. Sell immortality. That's right. IMMORTALITY!
39. Sell Doggy Eyewear!
40. Become a Lip Balm Addiction Counselor
41. Buy a Mooncake, Meatfloss & CuttleFish Franchise
42. Open a Simpson Alter Ego Rehabilitation Clinic
43. Sell Snake Penis Capsules Medicine
44. San Francisco Sausage Co. & Fudge Packery
45. Open a Squat 'n Gobble Restaurant!
46. DAPZY's! The Dangerous Animal Petting Zoo
47. The Big Green Mystical Ball
48. Become a Happy Hooker!
49. Open a Bette Davis BBQ Joint!
50. Open a Gun Store Tattoo Parlor
51. Sell HandJobs!
52. Sell FUELISH! Top Secret Gasoline Booster!
53. Sell Gently War-Torn Real Estate!
54. Flip No-Dinar-Down Properties!
55. Sell Frozen Meats. They're endangered!
56. Sell AutoErotic Asphyxia Accessories
57. Open a Christian Dollar Store!
58. Rent Negroes for Big $$$$$
59. Human Caviar: The Next Big Craze!
60. Buy/Sell Black Market Babies, Pandas & Tigers.
61. Provide Primate Temp Tech Workers.
62. Become a Memory Erasure Intake Counselor.
63. Help Parents Create Perfect Children.
64. Build Corpses for Fun & Profit.
65. Or Become a Corpse Reseller.
66. Open a Brain Transplant Clinic...
67. Become a Deep Discount Travel Agent!
68. Sell delicious "PISS" (It's imported!)
69. Become a Cheezus Freak!
70. Sell Republican Clothing
71. Sell Cute Lil Fetuses
72. EZ TOYZ = EZ CASH!!!
73. Be a Cavie Costumer!
74. No-Money Down Iraqi Real Estate
75. Friendly Fire Fast Funds Franchise!
76. Sell UFO Abduction Insurance!
77. Sell Cow Pie Clocks
78. Sell Penis Birds
79. Sell Penis Clowns
80. Become a Rectal Exam Trainer!
81. Start an Anti-Currency Movement!
82. Become a Contract Killer!
83. Sell Innovative Fruit Carriers
84. Sell Yarmulkebras!(TM)
85. Rent Your Chest!
86. Sell Vulva Puppets!
87. Sell Nipple Stifflers
88. Start an Ultimate Taxi Service!
89. Become an Etch-a-Sketch Artist!
90. Sue your employer!
91. Magic Money Matrix as seen on OPRAH!
92. Shit Creek Paddle Store Franchise
93. Start a Band called Sand Dollar
94. AdVerPets NewMedia Franchise
95. Automated Bovid Dispensers Franchise
96. Start a Bumvertising Agency
97. LOOK RICH QUICK! The Franchise
98. Learn Exotic Dancing at home!
99. Sell ANALRETTES Smoking Alternative
100. Sell Inflatable Commander-in-Chiefs
101. Sell Friendly Fire Ammo... Like Snuffy!
102. Sell Lunar Advertising!
103. Sell EnviroAd Product Placement
104. Sell DIY Drunk Tests!


Sign up for Get Rich Quick! the Newsletter and you'll Get Rich Quick! Guaranteed!

If you don't COMMENT, you don't COUNT.

Why are you still reading? Get rich!
ENTER YOUR WILDEST DREAM HERE:

Homage to my friend Dick Cheney

Dick Cheney is one of my best friends and most valued associates. He is a true inspiration... and there aren't many people I can say that about. His handling of the Plame Game is masterful and elegant. I teach my students at the Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. Perception is Reality Institute to constantly weigh their PR strategies with a frequent: WWCD? It's not quite as valuable as WWMRQED? but is useful nonetheless.

The fine capitalist artist and U.S. patriot PIXWIT has created this homage to Dick Cheney in recognition of the fine public relations lessons he continues to provide to the world free of charge. Well, almost free of charge.

BUY A VEGAN A BURGER DAY!

After my conversation with the Smithfield staff neurologist who educated me as to the mental impairment that Vegans are operating under, it occurred to me that Vegans are more to be pitied than to be despised (though the two are not mutually exclusive), and, as my Millionaire Mindset students know, Pity is the soil in the flowerpot of exploitation! Where there is compassion, there is opportunity.

So, the idea hit me that perhaps the first order of business for my newly formed Compassionate Carnivores Club could be to secure funding for a national initiative called "Buy a Vegan a Burger Day"! Your a ten-dollar donation will secure a large, mouthwatering burger for a protein-deprived vegan, plus a side of onion rings deep-fried in animal fat, washed down with a soda in a paper-cup coated in wax rendered from animal by-products. If we get the meals donated by fast-food chains, greasy spoons or meal kitchens, QuickCo will split the $10.00 donations with its Millionaire Mindset independent sales reps, 60/40.

What do you say, students? Are you ready to make some BIG dollars while saving the fuzzy-thinking Vegans from themselves?

Vegan Protein Deficiency Affects Naming Ability

After receiving the first two ravingly inane responses to my celebratory posts on the success of Smithfield pork production, I called a prominent neurologist who is actually on retainer with Smithfield. I forwarded him links to the two comments, one by someone name Rayon (who has a blog named Inside the Protein-Deficient Mind of a Veganista or something. See his post Hog Butchers RULE) and another by someone named Citizen P (who has a blog named Spreading Misinformation, Exposing Myself or something. My question to him was: does lack of meat in one's diet cause impaired mental function, or even brain damage.

The reason for my question was that I discerned particular patterns of mental deficiency amongst the meat-deprived. For one thing, they seem to have an inability to name things.

The doctor confirmed my theory. He told me that at one time, their kind were known as "vegetarian." It was a clear, meaningful name established by a carnivorous scientist, though some said it had its roots in a Native American term meaning "One who is unable to hunt effectively." However, the vegetarians insisted on creating their own word for themselves, one from a Star Trek episode, one that no one would be sure how to pronounce: Vegan. Or Vee-gan. In fact, according to the learned man, the Vegans themselves often forget how to pronounce it so they have decided to alternate days: Sunday, Tues., Thurs., Sat. it's Vee-gan, and so on. None of them can actually remember whether they are able to eat eggs, cheese, or French Fries, so they simply ramble when asked, which is rare.

According to this respected neurologist, the hemisphere of the brain that controls naming (as well as other functions, such as reasoning, logic, employment & hygiene) are diminished in size among Vegans, a result of a diet deficiency in protein, especially that of pork, ham & bacon. (This explains why similar symptoms are found among the Jews).

The doctor pointed out that the symptoms evident in both commenters were clearly late-stage, as evidenced by their own online names. The one named himself "Rayon." As the doctor pointed out, would a rational person name themselves after a manufactured regenerated cellulosic fiber, even if produced from naturally occurring polymers? The other named himself "Citizen P.," a self-deprecating euphemism equal to "Mr. Urine." As the Doctor pointed out, "Citizen P." may have additional complications stemming from his practice of selling his own plasma for money. "This could be aggravating his already impaired lack of reasoning function," said the doctor. "Vegans, or Vee-gans - are notoriously employment-averse. It's part of their unique epidemiology."

However, there is hope. Close friends should keep a package of Smithfield Smoked Sausage or other fine Smithfield meat products on hand. As soon as the Vegan becomes disoriented, feed them a link or two. They will thank you for it later.

HAVE YOU EVER SAVED A VEGAN? HOW'D YOU DO IT? TELL US ABOUT IT! LEAVE A COMMENT.

A Great Day for Capitalist Pigs!

I've been cruising the Caribbean in GET RICH 3 and am delighted with the Internet speed from our new dedicated SATLINK connection. I think it's faster than the connection I get at either the estate or at the QUICKCO HQ campus. It's fabulous.

Funny Rolling Stone Article on Smithfield Hog Production

I indulged myself last night with a good scotch, Cuban cigar and tour of the ineffectual attempts by the Veganistas at communication. Their nonsensical arguments are matched only by their ineffectual PR skills. I got a tremendous kick out of the Rolling Stone article called Boss Hog in which the "writer" tries to evoke sympathy for pigs by equating their carcasses - by weight - with dead humans. A kindergartener could see through the awkward and ham-fisted (pardon the pun) attempt at transference - but not the protein-deprived Vegans. They hail it as "journalism." They would jump up and down with glee had they the strength. Had they the glee.

I'll tell you, this is one little piggy who'll be going to market first thing Monday. Tomorrow, Smithfield stock will rise once again, in part because of the BUY order I'll place at start of trading. The Rolling Stone story provided some great press that will help bump the stock price, including:

Smithfield Foods, the largest and most profitable pork processor in the world, killed 27 million hogs last year. That's a number worth considering. [RQ: Sure is!]... Smithfield estimates that its total sales will reach $11.4 billion this year.... The company produces 6 billion pounds of packaged pork each year. That's a remarkable achievement, a prolificacy unimagined only two decades ago, and the only way to do it is to raise pigs in astonishing, unprecedented concentrations.

I felt good about my investments in Smithfield after reading that, I'll tell you. I had the cook make me a BLT and plan a gourmet pork dish on the menu for dinner. (I need a break from fresh fish anyway). The article speaks glowingly of Smithfield's success under the leadership of my good friend Joe Luter III:

Smithfield's expansion was unique in the history of the industry: Between 1990 and 2005, it grew by more than 1,000 percent. In 1997 it was the nation's seventh-largest pork producer; by 1999 it was the largest. Smithfield now kills one of every four pigs sold commercially in the United States. As Smithfield expanded, it consolidated its operations, clustering millions of fattening hogs around its slaughterhouses. Under Luter, the company was turning into a great... machine.

The article continues to celebrate the dominance and profitability of Smithfield as the Boss of All Hogs:

Smithfield's market dominance is hardly at risk: Twenty-six percent of the pork processed in this country is Smithfield pork. The company's expansion does not seem to be slowing down: Over the past two years, Smithfield's annual sales grew by $1.5 billion. In September, the company announced that it is merging with Premium Standard Farms, the nation's second-largest hog farmer and sixth-largest pork processor. If the deal goes through, Smithfield will own more pigs than the next eight largest pork producers in the nation combined. ..

Brilliant Propaganda Planted by Smithfield!
It was then that is occurred to me that this was actually a brilliant story PLANTED by the brilliant PR minds at Smithfield... A promotional pig-in-sheep's-clothing ploy. Brilliant! Scanning back over it, the tongue-in-cheek humor is wonderful and suddenly obvious: The author's name is JEFF TIETZ. The story is called Boss Hog, and the story is truly about Smithfield's dominance and Luter's brilliance. They just threw in the pollution talk, and words like "transmogrify" and "shit" to make it fit in this pretentious pseudo-intellectual rag. Just watch: the already sold-out baby boomers who read Rolling Stone skipped over the pig shit parts and already have calls into their brokers to BUY Smithfield pork asap.

Ahh, it's a great day for Capitalist Pigs!

_________________________________

Here are some of the Animal Rights nut-jobs, protein-deprived Veganistas and other self-righteous losers with posts on the Rolling Stone Boss Hog story:
Inside the Mind of a Vegan
Boing Boing
Vegan Porn
World Vegan and NutJob News
NutJob Heaven: Vegan.Com
Cafe Jack
After School Snack
Super Lost: Super Vegan
Flax on Friday

ARE YOU READY TO GET RICH? VISIT FRANWORST.COM, FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS & PROSPER!

GOT AN OPINION? LEAVE A COMMENT.

VEGANS: THE OTHER WHITE MEAT

Vegans, Vegetarians, Veegans, Animal rights Kooks and other sissified liberals would be jumping up and down right now if their protein-deficient bodies were capable of it. Why? Because the smug, self-righteous anti-success toadies at Rolling Stone have come out with an article called BOSS HOG. It begins with the startling revelation: America's top pork producer churns out a sea of waste that has destroyed rivers, killed millions of fish and generated one of the largest fines in EPA history. Welcome to the dark side of the other white meat.

Here's what I love about these TV-Generation Community College Liberal Arts Indignants: They act like they are the ultimate holders of the great and profound truths of society's ills, which they share with the great unwashed and unenlightened in an article with a headline that quotes from one of mankind's greatest epics: The Dukes of Hazard.

I'm a Smithfield shareholder, and I'm going to increase my holdings first thing Monday. I had extra bacon and sausage this am as I had fun looking at the pathetic attempts at expose on the vegan, animal rights and other lefty nutjob websites. They are so smug. So self congratulatory. So self righteous. And, most of all, so ineffective.

Their own story starts out with some great publicity: "Smithfield Foods, the largest and most profitable pork processor in the world, killed 27 million hogs last year. That's a number worth considering." It sure is! Cha-ching! Cha-ching!

Watch Smithfield stock soar! They make a feeble attempt to equate - by weight, no less - dead pigs and dead humans. What? They don't know people equate pigs with food? This is the best their PR machine can hurl? Watch Smithfield stock soar some more! Cha-ching!

They talk about a fountain of waste spewing into the air out in the middle of nowhere like people will be outraged. Who cares? That's why we all live in the city and suburbs. That's why we put our hog farms out in the middle of nowhere. You don't like the stench of a hog farm, move to Manhattan.

I love liberals, vegans, PETAS, and all the rest. My only complaint is that they don't even give us a good game. They are like a mouse between the cats paws... we bat them around, play around 'til we get bored then we eat them.

They can't even decide on a name. They used to be vegetarians, but that was too clear and not hip enough, so they decided to come up with a name right out of a Star Trek episode that no onewould know how to pronounce: Vegans. Is it Vegan: Rhymes with Reagan? Or Veegan: rhymes with... nothing.

Probably the latter, since there seems to be neither rhyme nor reason to anything they do.

MONETIZE! MONETIZE! MONITIZE!

I love that word. I really do. Monetize.

Want to monetize your website? Want to make millions blogging in you PJs, never having to go to the office or deal with morons ever again? Click here to see how I make millions with a cover charge on my franworst.com site: FRANWORST.COM

That's key #1. For key #2, click the link below and answer Sara's questions. you'll be enlightened within 48 hours... Guaranteed!

ADSENSE IS NONSENSE!

Adsense is nonsense. Affiliate marketing is for losers. Want to make millions blogging? Ask the guy who does: ME.

STEP ONE: Charge a cover charge. On my Franworst.com site I get $1.00 per day from every visitor. Take a look at my daily counter in the FranWorst.com right sidebar and you do the math.

STEP TWO: Click on the link below, answer the questions and heed the advice of psychic Sara Freder. Want to know my system for making millions in the stock market, always picking the right horse, choosing the next American Idol? I clicked the link below, answered the questions and heeded the advice of the very hot Sara Freder.

Being a loser is a daily choice. Choose differently today. RQ

How to Make Millions Blogging

Adsense is NoN-Sense. Affiliate marketing is for losers so dumb Amway won't take their urine-scented money. Commission Junction is to Wealth-building as Petticoat Junction is to fine filmmaking. If you want to make millions, as I have, with a crappy little free blog, there are two things you've got to know.

The first key to making money with your blog is to charge a cover charge to your blog. On my FranWorst.Com site, I charge a $1.00 daily cover charge to access my website. $1.00 doesn't sound like a lot to you, does it? You're skeptical. You don't think you can make boatloads of money charging a $1.00 cover charge to a crappy Wordpress blog, do you?

That's why I'm a freaking millionaire and you're saving your greasy dollar bills and spare change in a rusty creamed corn can, dreaming of the day when you'll have enough to buy a muffler for your piece-of-crap Suburu. You skeptics make me ill. What's the matter with you? Aren't you ready to be RICH? Don't you want to have the MILLIONAIRE MINDSET?

Go to my FranWorst.Com site. Pay your $1.00 cover charge. Then take a look at the daily visitor counter on the right column. Multiple that number by $1.00 (or ask someone with basic math skills to do it for you). That will tell you how much I've made that day. Follow my tips and even YOU can make that kind of money too.

The second secret to blogging success is a personal secret, which is different for each person. Despite what every one of your family and friends believes about you, there is a little tiny, tiny kernal of potential buried deep inside you. I mean DEEP. Using only your birthday and email address, my psychic, the very very hot Ms. Sara Freder, will give you the key to unlock that potential. All you need to do is click on the subtle, flashing ad below, answer the easy questions (even easy for you) and you are on your way to untold riches and wealth beyond your wildest dreams.

I'll be seeing YOU on the veranda! Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.

An American Franchise: Nudes 'N Foods

The dream of free food and naked women built this great nation, America. It's what first brought Columbus to these shores, and St. Brendan before him.
It's what lured the Pilgrims to Plymouth Rock (what, you bought into religious freedom?).
And it somehow brought Don Rickles.
It's as American as, say, complimentary pornography and ham loaf.
And now, it's a dream franchise for you.
And the best part is that when they complain that the dancers are ugly, you can say, Sure, but hey, the food's free! And when they complain that the ham loaf smells funny, you say: What's the matter with you? There's naked women up there and you're talking ham loaf!

Praise for Richard Quick, Esq.

Flash Slideshow

Window Wash Your Way To Wealth!

Looking for an exciting franchise that combines your love of spotlessly clean glass with the heart-pounding exhilaration of traffic dodging with the unlimited earning potential of panhandling?

Your window of opportunity just may be a windshield!

Watch the Window washing Wealth! Franchise Video at FranWorst, home of the worst franchise opportunities anywhere!

Window Washing WealthBuilding! Franchise Video!

(Hey! You missed a spot!)

Outdoor Franchise: Trapper Tom’s Nature Store

FranWorst has all the best of the worst franchise opportunities anywhere!

Hey, you outdoorsmen... Watch the video that will change your life! Believe Me!

Trapper Tom’s Nature Store Franchise Video

Now you can turn your tolerance of the outdoors into the Get Rich Quick! venture of your dreams… exploiting both the wave of nostalgia for the long-conquered natural environment AND the selling power of internationally celebrated naturist Trapper Tom, host of the hit outdoor show Trapper Tom’s Hot on the Trail series.

See you on the veranda!

Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.
Publisher, Franworst

Big Beaver Demands Small Hooters

Breaking news at Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.'s tax-free offshore blog FRANWORST, home of the ultimate franchise opportunities! Read all about it:

Big Beaver Demands Small Hooters

Don LaPre’s Ultimate Road to Success!

Don LaPre is only one of the celebrated graduates of Richard Quick, Esq.’s GET RICH QUICK! Millionaire’s Academy. I remember Don when he was just a thousandaire, hustling old ladies out of their snuff money in no-limit cribbage games behind Miami dog racing tracks. I’m proud to say I helped make him what he is today: an internationally known and loved infomercial zillionaire, like his mentor.

Watch Don LaPre’s Ultimate Road to Success!

It's now playing on Richard Quick, Esq.'s FranWorst, home of the worst franchise opportunities anywhere!.

Happy New Year! from George Bush & Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.

[Pictured, left, the personal Christmas card I received from President George W. Bush. As always, George commissioned pixwit.com to create his original artwork.]

It's been another fantastic year for Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. (Yes, Virginia, the Rich DO Get richer!) I made a killing in No-Dinar-Down Iraqi Real Estate. It's been a stellar year for my non-profit initiative at the National Association for the Advancement of Wealthy People. And, hopefully, it's been a good year for you in your quest for financial freedom and personal prosperity. If you have listened to me, and made your payments on time, and purchased all of my motivational and instructional books, videos, DVDs, and Viewfinder inserts, then you should be closer to your dream of untold wealth.

THIS will be your YEAR!

I can sense it. I don't just say this to all my website visitors. I can sense that YOU are special. You have potential. YOU have the millionaire mindset. All you lack is motivation. And my new updated RICHARD QUICK'S 99 BUSINESSES YOU CAN START ANYWHERE, EVEN PRISON which will be released later this month.

To help keep my students motivated, I like to give them occasional glimpses into my life, the life of their dreams. Whenever I can do so for free, or without disclosing my actual whereabouts, I will give you such a glimpse. That's why I had one of my outsourced computer workers scan my Christmas card from George Bush (pictured above), so that I can show you the kind of Christmas cards YOU'LL be getting when you are filthy, filthy rich like me.

All of us ultra-wealthy owe George a big thank you. He's a real leader. When foreign nations think that they can intimidate us by killing 2900 of our citizens, George proved them wrong by killing 3,000 himself. Saddam Hussein will think twice before attacking the World Trade Center again, I'll tell you!

God bless King George! God bless you. God bless our war effort. God bless us with a prosperous 2007 with many happy returns (tax and otherwise)!

101+ Ways to Get Rich Quick!... GUARANTEED!

1. Waffle Delivery & Repair
2. Nudes 'N Foods Franchise
3. The FOR SALE Bologna Brown-Eggs Quilts Crafts Cheese Flowers Pernnials franchise
4. The Town Crier Franchise
5. Be a Buccaneer Butcher!
6. Clean BJs & Weiners!
7. The Mr. Bagpipe Franchise
8. Start your own Church!
9. Old Barn Wood Furniture and Crafts
10. Peculiar Medical Clinic
11. Home Pasta Delivery
12. Become a Marketing Consultant!
13. Big Money in Midgets
14. Own a BetaMax Superstore!
15. Amish Country Signs Franchise
16. Make Luggage from Tape!
17. Start a Home Casino!
18. Turn Trash into Cash!
19. Unlock Windows of Opportunity
20. The ultimate booming business
21. Fungus "R" Us Toenail Fungal abatement
22. Mona Leasing Art Rental Franchise
23. Pseudodental Repair Franchise
24. Sell Dehydrated Water
25. Open an "As Seen in Motels" discount store
26. Open a Sundae Station franchise
27. Market "Afterlife Telegrams"
28. Win International Lotteries!
29. Assist Nigerian Millionaire Widows & Orphans
30. Sell your Immortal Soul!
31. Import Gourmet Minnesota Coconuts!
32. Sell Freeze Pops With REAL Shards O' Glass
33. Sell Trendy Male Lipstick
34. Start a Home Lasik Surgery Center
35. Start your own Pet Island!
36. Sell Child Confinement & Transport Products
37. Sell Peace of Mind
38. Sell immortality. That's right. IMMORTALITY!
39. Sell Doggy Eyewear!
40. Become a Lip Balm Addiction Counselor
41. Buy a Mooncake, Meatfloss & CuttleFish Franchise
42. Open a Simpson Alter Ego Rehabilitation Clinic
43. Sell Snake Penis Capsules Medicine
44. San Francisco Sausage Co. & Fudge Packery
45. Open a Squat 'n Gobble Restaurant!
46. DAPZY's! The Dangerous Animal Petting Zoo
47. The Big Green Mystical Ball
48. Become a Happy Hooker!
49. Open a Bette Davis BBQ Joint!
50. Open a Gun Store Tattoo Parlor
51. Sell HandJobs!
52. Sell FUELISH! Top Secret Gasoline Booster!
53. Sell Gently War-Torn Real Estate!
54. Flip No-Dinar-Down Properties!
55. Sell Frozen Meats. They're endangered!
56. Sell AutoErotic Asphyxia Accessories
57. Open a Christian Dollar Store!
58. Rent Negroes for Big $$$$$
59. Human Caviar: The Next Big Craze!
60. Buy/Sell Black Market Babies, Pandas & Tigers.
61. Provide Primate Temp Tech Workers.
62. Become a Memory Erasure Intake Counselor.
63. Help Parents Create Perfect Children.
64. Build Corpses for Fun & Profit.
65. Or Become a Corpse Reseller.
66. Open a Brain Transplant Clinic...
67. Become a Deep Discount Travel Agent!
68. Sell delicious "PISS" (It's imported!)
69. Become a Cheezus Freak!
70. Sell Republican Clothing
71. Sell Cute Lil Fetuses
72. EZ TOYZ = EZ CASH!!!
73. Be a Cavie Costumer!
74. No-Money Down Iraqi Real Estate
75. Friendly Fire Fast Funds Franchise!
76. Sell UFO Abduction Insurance!
77. Sell Cow Pie Clocks
78. Sell Penis Birds
79. Sell Penis Clowns
80. Become a Rectal Exam Trainer!
81. Start an Anti-Currency Movement!
82. Become a Contract Killer!
83. Sell Innovative Fruit Carriers
84. Sell Yarmulkebras!(TM)
85. Rent Your Chest!
86. Sell Vulva Puppets!
87. Sell Nipple Stifflers
88. Start an Ultimate Taxi Service!
89. Become an Etch-a-Sketch Artist!
90. Sue your employer!
91. Magic Money Matrix as seen on OPRAH!
92. Shit Creek Paddle Store Franchise
93. Start a Band called Sand Dollar
94. AdVerPets NewMedia Franchise
95. Automated Bovid Dispensers Franchise
96. Start a Bumvertising Agency
97. LOOK RICH QUICK! The Franchise
98. Learn Exotic Dancing at home!
99. Sell ANALRETTES Smoking Alternative
100. Sell Inflatable Commander-in-Chiefs
101. Sell Friendly Fire Ammo... Like Snuffy!
102. Sell Lunar Advertising!
103. Sell EnviroAd Product Placement
104. Sell DIY Drunk Tests!


Sign up for Get Rich Quick! the Newsletter and you'll Get Rich Quick! Guaranteed!

If you don't COMMENT, you don't COUNT.

Quiznos Sues Itself; Charges Irreparable Damage to Brand

[Pictured, Left, Quiznos Spokesman Bob at Press Conference]

DENVER In what legal analysts are calling unprecedented in the history of litigation, Quiznos Corporation has sued itself, claiming that it has done “irreparable harm to the Quiznos brand” and has “consistently failed to promote in such a manner as will not detract from or do damage to the reputation of Quiznos in the markeplace and the goodwill associated with the Quiznos name and trademarks.” The court filing included a request for an emergency injunction to prevent the Denver-based sandwich chain from “doing any more harm to itself and others.”
READ THE WHOLE STORY HERE

Quiznos Awarded FranWorst Franchise Hall of Shame Award!

Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. is delighted to announce that the Quiznos franchise program has been named the first nominee for entrance to the FranWorst Franchise Hall of Shame Award!

While the competition was tough, Richard Quick Esq. announced that the bold, wonderfully ruthless termination of the franchise agreements of ten franchise owners (representing 17 stores) really put them in a class of their own.

The terminations were made in response to the leaking of the alleged suicide note of their fellow franchisee Bob Baber, who was distraught over the failure of his franchise and his ongoing litigation with Quiznos Corporation. The ten were board members of the Toasted Sub Franchise Association.

"The cold, uncaring nature of the franchise terminations in the wake of their comrade's death, and the corporation's total commitment to excellence in self-interest and wealth acquisition brought tears of admiration to my eyes," said Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. "They are an inspiration to the youth of America."

Read all about the amazing Quiznos at

The Franchise That’s Too Good to be True: Quiznos!

GET RICH QUICK: Mr. Body Parts Franchise

Mr. Body Parts is the country’s first and only home-based whole-body donation and dissemination franchise. As a franchisee, you'll make a difference. You'll be somebody. And while you barely finished high school, you will be in the business of saving lives--every time medical students practice techniques on the tissue samples you’ve sent over, you're saving lives. Every time an established veteran doctor practices on a limb or spine that you provided at a low everyday price with never an upcharge for same-day shipping, you're saving lives. And every time a veteran doctor practices a new surgical technique on a corpse instead of on a father of six, or even a supermodel, you're saving lives. You'll not only live the kind of lifestyle you've always dreamed of, you'll hold the key to life and death in your very hands. You'll be like God's right-hand-man... working right out of your garage, shed or spare bedroom.

Useless Men Praise Richard Quick, Esq.'s GET RICH QUICK!

I love being a source of inspiration to the salt of the earth, the little, useless people I see scurrying like ants below my skyscraper window, or from the window of my plane, or through the window of my Porsche as I tear through their neighborhoods. So I'm glad when I can leave some useless people tongue-tied and awed.

I am speaking, of course, of the bloggers at Useless Advice from Useless Men who paid tribute to yours truly with a long and incomprehensible (but endearing) blog entry today. They were addressing the question of which of my 101+ Ways to GET RICH QUICK! were best for the average, useless person.

I could only make out the meaning of some of the text, as it appears to be written in Canadian, and I didn't want to interrupt my Canuck interpreter, Olaf, as he was busy clubbing the baby seals for dinner. But what I made out was:

1) My net worth is more than everyone's that they know, or have ever come in contact with, combined.
2) They couldn't choose just one of the 101+ Ways to GET RICH QUICK! because they are all so brilliant and inspiring
3) Somebody put something in the one guy's taco, perhaps a hallucinogenic substance
4) The writer concluded: "I think the best way to get... Rich Quick, is by subscribing to your free newsletter"

I believe that last point was an excellent, excellent observation, even by non-Canadian standards. Wealthbuilding is a journey, and requires a continual investment of time and purchases. So sign up for the GET RICH QUICK! newsletter right now.

I think we've learned an important lesson from the Useless Men today, and that lesson is: No one is truly useless, for great fortunes are made by pooling the resources of the many for the benefit of the few, the great, the truly deserving.

Sell DIY Drunk Tests

[Illustration courtesy MoHDI]

Drunk Driving is a serious problem in our society, ruining countless lives and blah blah blah.

But how can you tell when you're too drunk to drive? Up until now, your only option was to swerve into the path of a police cruiser, grind to a sudden halt, then loudly request a Breathalizer test before you're gunned down... not a great option.

But now, thanks to the great minds at Millions of Hundred Dollar Ideas, problem drinkers and hardcore alcoholics alike can perform a self-test using Do-it-Yourself Drunk Test Flashcards. As the MoHDI engineers describe it:

...you have a deck of fifty-two cards, with a photo of a lady printed on the
face of them. These ladies range from being moderately attractive to very ugly.
You pull one of the cards, look at the woman on the card, and decide if you
think that she is attractive or not...

In other words: Would you? or Wouldn't you?

...Then you flip over the card, and see what it says. The reverse side of the card
has a number in a scale of its own printed on it, essentially in inverse
proportion to your own “One to Ten” scale. Thus, the moderately good-looking
lady would be a “one”, and the horribly-disfigured lady would be a “ten”. It
operates on the basis of beer goggles: the drunker you are, the lower your
threshold of standards of beauty becomes, so when you’re looking at a card and
you’re like,”That is one fiiiiine lookin’ lady! I wish she was sittin’ on this
here barstool right next to me!” and then you flip it over and it reads “Nine”,
you’ll be all like “Woah, I’m nine out of ten drunk! I should get the hell on
out of here!” There’ll be a series that depicts dudes as well, for those people
that prefer dudes over ladies.

As a DIY Drunk Test franchisee, you'll establish a "downline" distributor network that can include bartenders, liquor store clerks, AA members and dedicated drinkers. We're looking for ambitious individuals with years of drinking and cavorting experience in a variety of venues. DUIs a plus. Business experience is not necessary. Some non-maxxed credit cards and liver a must.

Useless Men to Celebrate Millionaire Richard Quick's 101 Ways to Get Rich Quick! list

I teach my wealth-building students that "The key to success is honesty. Once you can fake that, the rest is easy."

So few embrace this simple principle! It is the curse of a man of my standing to be surrounded by a sea of useless men spouting uninformed, useless advice to the moronic, undeserving, useless masses.

So what a breath of fresh air to come across admittedly useless men spewing admittedly useless advice! I speak, of course, of the Useless Men at Useless Advice From Useless Men.

Nay... more than admit uselessness, these useless men celebrate their uselessness. They parade their lack of utility as a badge of honor! And so they should. Martin Luther King, a man for whom many streets (filled with many useless men) are named and a credit to his normally useless kind, said:

If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as
Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven and earth will pause
to say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well.

And verily I say unto you, in the words of Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.:

If a man is called to be useless, he should be useless even as
J.P. Morgan connived, or Rockefeller bullied, or Gecko liquidated.
He should be so useless - and the advice that he so freely spews forth should be so useless - that all the host of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a man with no usefulness at all, with no useful advice to share, who did his job well.

And soon these Useless Men will provide Useless Advice regarding which of my 101 Ways to Get Rich Quick! will get the average person 1) Richest, 2) Quickest, and 3) Rich Quickest.

How nice it will be to be able to entertain the heavy traffic of useless visitors that will stream forth from their useless site without having to go through the pretense that their advice, or their very existence, is useful in the least.

Go, gentle visitor, seeker of the trivial and useless. Go and visit Useless Advice From Useless Men. Ask them useless questions, and embrace their useless guidance. And shoot me an email when they post their advice regarding my 101 Ways to Get Rich Quick!

Not that it matters to me.

Americans love their pets more than they love each other!

[Photo Credit: MoHDI]

Americans love their pets!

Did you know that 63% of all households have at least one pet? That's 69.1 million homes! And 43% have more than one pet!

43.5 million households have a doggy or two, followed by 37.7 million families with cats!

Americans spend BIG on their pets

For 2006, it estimated that Americans will spend $38.4 billion on Woofy and Tinkerbell! They'll spend $15.2 billion on food, $9.4 billion on Vet Care, $9.3 billion on supplies/OTC medicine, $1.8 billion on live animal purchases, and $2.7 billion on Grooming & Boarding.

Americans love their pets more than they love other Americans!
To truly understand the magnitude of the American love affair with Max, Sam, Lady, Bear & Smoky**, consider that 37 million Americans live in poverty. Americans could use the money they spend yearly on pets to transform every poor person in America into a multimillionaire*, but they choose, instead, to spend it on Shadow, Kitty, Molly, Buddy & Brandy***, which is cool with me. I'm as indifferent to the poor as the next guy (you). I'm just saying that some people might say that that money would be better spent on distributing Get Rich Quick! 99 Businesses you can start from the Hood DVD and audio programs to the poor, plus have one hell of a Korean BBQ (with Ginger, Baby, Misty, Missy, & Pepper**** as the guests of honor) that would unify us as a nation, and heal this rumored economic divide.

However, I do believe we have an obligation to use our vast Pet resources to help one beleaguered and neglected group that needs our help: The American Advertiser.

An Opportunity to Do (VERY) Well While Doing Good!
The American Advertiser has been trampled by TIVO, ravaged by the Remote and played for a chump by those who consciously ignore their product placements in tv shows and movies. They've done so much for you... now you can answer their cry for help AND get filthy rich in the process! That's right! You can build the moneymaking empire you've always dreamed of by seizing the untapped advertising potential of America's pet population, and meeting the demands of the American Advertiser.

Introducing the AdverPets Franchise Program!
QuickCo Enterprises' EnviroAd Division is pleased to announce the first joint venture franchise opportunity with its IdeaPartner MoHDI (Millions of Hundred Dollar Ideas)****: ADVERPETS.

Yes, the AdverPets franchise is your opportunity to join the glamorous gazillion-dollar advertising industry by matching up cash-rich advertisers with your own mammalian media network. Don't have business experience? Life experience? A clue? Don't worry! As long as you meet our EZ Qualification criteria, we'll provide the rest!

AdverPets. Selected by FranWorst.com as a top franchise to "keep an eye on" for 2007!

EXPRESS YOUR INTEREST BY LEAVING A COMMENT HERE

Pet statistics courtesy APPMA.
Poor People statistics from Wikipedia.
* By investing $1000 per year, per poor person, in Millionaire Richard Quick's GET RICH QUICK! Wealth Building and Millionaire Mindset programs each would become a multi-millionaire... Guaranteed!
**The five most popular pet names
***The next five most popular pet names
****The next five most popular pet names
*****Pending notification and approval of MoHDI. This post in no way infers an endorsement, collusion or even awareness by MoHDI, which appears to be an actual and legitimate enterprise and therefore has little in common with QuickCo.

GET RICH QUICK: Start a Band called Sand Dollar

Here's an idea I stole from the talented entrepreneurs over at Millions of Hundred Dollar Ideas who stole it from the window of Beulahland in Portland.

Start a band called Sand Dollar or Sand Dollars. Acheive both artistic and popular acclaim, then call me right before signing with a major record label. I'll represent you in all your business dealings for a modest percentage, and make sure you end up on VH1's "Behind the Music" with the same success story retold by countless big stars, from Billy Joel to the Turtles. And I'll put aside a few hundred to send to Millions of Hundred Dollar Ideas and the original poster-maker.

Why such generosity? Hey, that's good karma... and that's how I roll...

See you on the veranda... RQ

Richard Quick Saves KFC! Puts Ad on the Moon!

I could brag about once again saving a major, multi-national corporation from disaster.

I could point out that I have just made history by turning the Moon into the largest, most effective advertising medium the world has ever known.

But those who know me know that Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. is not one to toot his own horn. I'm too modest for that.

So I'll let this post on the internationally acclaimed news site FRANWORST tell the whole complimentary story.

READ THE STORY HERE.

A sentimental moment from the George Bush family photo library

You know it's all the fashion now to bash our great leader, George W. Bush, just because there have been a few bumps in the road toward our inevitable victory in Iraq. Now you know I'm not a sentimental guy, but I think the left wing bleeding heart cut and runners should do well to remember that our Commander in Chief is a person too, he has feelings, and a Mother and Father. So back off.

He also has a history and a family connection with the lovely country of Iraq, as evidenced by this family vacation photo sent to me by Abe PixWit (A Bush family friend?). On the back of the photo is a handwritten note: "W: Be prudent and stay out of the deep doo-doo! Pops."

Be sure to visit PIXWIT.COM for other tender Bush family memories.

QuickCo Employees must boost my Technorati rating or face dismissal

NOTICE TO ALL QUICKCO EMPLOYEES & FAMILY MEMBERS
This is my blog. Despite the fact that I have an entire interactive division at my disposal, I built GET RICH QUICK! with my own two fingers. I built it to help people achieve the same kind of prosperity that I have managed to achieve. I make others successful. I enhance lives, such as the way I enhance your live every two weeks when you get your paycheck even if you've been slacking and cruising porn sites for half your working hours (Jerry).

So if you disrespect GET RICH QUICK! you disrespect me. And if you disrespect ME, you disrespect the company that is paying you the paycheck that you have no right to be taking. If you disprespect your company, you are taking bread from the mouths of the children of your co-workers and deserve to be dealt with in ways I don't even want to know about, for legal reasons.

The point is, my Technorati rating is a dismal 180,182.

If this rating doesn't start improving, heads are going to roll. So I advise each and every one of you to click on the link below and choose this site as one of your favorites. If you have a blog, create an inbound link to me. I don't know how else you build these ratings, but figure it out and do it, or so help me god you'll be applying for a Bumvertising job within weeks. And don't even think about Unemployment Compensation, that welfare for lazy commie slackers. We've never had to pay a claim yet, and never will.

Conversely, show evidence that you're helping my ratings and you will be duly rewarded. Add a comment, and you shall be blessed.





Technorati Profile

NEW! Friendly Fire Ammo!

Snuffy Sez: DON'T GET CAUGHT! GET FRIENDLY FIRE™ BRAND AMMO!

There’s nothing like a good war to make the American heart swell with pride, to fatten the bank accounts of patriotic corporations, to make heroes out of expendable teens and to liberate strange, brown people from the burden of living. But unfortunately, war is not all flag-waving and no-bid contracts. Occasionally, bad things happen. Sometimes our brave Americans fire on their own troops (oops!), which results in embarrassment, hurt feelings, costly medical care, bad press and occasional court martial proceedings. And that’s bad for everyone!

But now, thanks to the QuickCo/PixWit partnership, there’s a better way, a kinder, gentler way to kill our own… with Friendly Fire Ammo! Why Friendly Fire?

Snuffy sez: It’s Effective! Friendly Fire™ Ammo is made with patented SmartSnuff™ Technology. Once it enters a soldier’s or civilian’s body, it moves through muscle, bone and soft tissue until it locates and pierces at least two vital organs. No need for costly, painful VA hospital stays. No confusing court testimony. That’s good for taxpayers… and America!

Snuffy sez: It’s Painless! Quick Research Group and several government agencies conducted extensive testing on human and animal subjects in countries around the world while developing Friendly Fire™ Ammo. We fine-tuned it until it was 100% pain-free! It was an expensive process, but we think our boys are worth it!

Snuffy sez: Accidents Happen! Everybody makes mistakes. That’s why pencils have erasers! And that’s why the toll-free number to the Friendly Fire hotline is imprinted on every shell. As soon as you’ve killed a comrade or committed an atrocity, dial 1-800-FRIENDLY and notify your service representative. Using our patented Friend-Lie™ Plausible Denial software, you’ll have a bulletproof scenario messaged to your cell phone, PDA or iPOD in minutes!

Snuffy sez: Everybody Wins with Friendly Fire! Friendly Fire is good for families, who can celebrate their loss with a medal and hero’s funeral. It’s good for the American people, who get confused by such scenarios. It’s good for the war effort. And it’s good for the little brown people who are dying to be liberated. And, above all, it’s good for our shareholders.

Friendly Fire™ Ammo.
IRAQ Tested. Pentagon Approved.

Stock Symbol FREND. Stock Offering by Prospectus Only. QuickCo/PIXWIT Industries. Snuffy and the Friendly Fire graphic are creations of PIXWIT Studios.

GET RICH QUICK: War Heroes are a Booming Business!

[Click on graphic for larger image. Or vice versa.]
Even the bleeding heart liberals can't dispute this fact: Under the current administration, production output of American war heroes is booming! And, thanks to PixWit, in cooperation with Pentagon Licensing, White House Properties, and Richard Quick, Esq., every American mourner can swell with pride as the Commander in Chief gives their beloved hero a personal sendoff.

If you're looking for a business opportunity bursting with potential, the Inflatable Commander-in-Chief Rent to Buy program is the kind of inflation you'll love! It's a chance for you to honor our brave troops while making an outrageous profit on every job... just like Halliburton! You'll be able to console loved ones at their most vulnerable, offer high-margin set-up and rental, and even offer a purchase option to parents of multiple patriotic offspring. It's red, white and blue for them and GREEN for you... wealth-building the American way!

GET RICH QUICK: A Smoking Opportunity!

Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. is proud to announce a new partnership in which his famed entrepreneurial QuickCo Corp. will assist innovative digital concept and master incubator PIXWIT in transforming it's cutting edge concepts into moneymaking business opportunities that will help individuals with no special talents, experience or intelligence - individuals just like you - Get Rich Quick!

The results of our first joint launch: The Analrettes Home Party opportunity! Why should Big Tobacco have all the fun? Now you can too... and Get Rich Quick in the process!

No sniffs, ands or butts about it, Analrettes are one shit-hot opportunity.

There are over 46 Million smokers in the U.S. That's one out of every four adults, and two out of every four children. Most of them have tried to quit... but we all know what a pain in the ass that can be.

Now, thanks to the advances in microturboprop technology, smokers can get the nicotine they love while bypassing those pesky, cancerous lungs completely... with Analrettes! The PixWit applied one of Richard Quick's basic theories of success: when in doubt, use the back door.

Helping people switch from cancerous lungs to smoking bungs can be the business opportunity you've been looking for! Get off your butt and become an Analrettes Home Party hostess today... and Get Rich Quick!

[graphic & concept by PIXWIT, the undisputed leader in anal microturboprop technology]

Floyd Landis Hires Quick Public Relations Group

Lancaster, PA - FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

P.R. guru rescues embattled cyclist; Solicits input from cycling community.
Embattled American cycling legend and 2006 Tour De France Winner Floyd Landis has retained Quick Public Relations Group as his image management and crisis management agency of record. Quick Public Relations Group, home of the QuickSpin™ Publicity Management System, is owned by public relations wizard and self-made billionaire Richard Quick, Esq., who will personally oversee the account.

Said Landis: "I am grateful that Mr. Quick, Esq. accepted me as a client. I feel that an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. He has opened my eyes to the many creative options available for my future. I apologized profusely to Mr. Quick for not having hired QPRG earlier, and, in addition to grovelling, have offered to teach his future children how to ride bikes, if and when he has them, and I have promised to name my bicycle The Spirit of Richard Quick, Esq.. Please direct all future media inquiries to my new spokeman, Richard Quick, Esq."

Billionaire pitchman Quick, who hails from the same PA Dutch area as Landis, made his first million at age 12 trading whoopie pie futures on the options exchange. How he built an empire with investment ventures as diverse as Internet Lotteries, male enhancement products, gently war-torn real estate and Get Rich Quick! schemes is the stuff of legend. Many industry experts credit "R.Q." with the popularization of "Spam" as a legitimate direct-sales technique. He has nurtured and mentored many legendary marketers, from Don Lapre to Benny Hinn to Karl Rove.

Quick Solicits Cycling Community Input
Despite his considerable success in every endeavor, Richard Quick, Esq. remained humble, stating: "I do not have all the answers, but I do know this: Floyd Landis is a true American hero at a time when we need true American heroes. I am going to reach out to the American cycling community for input and support to learn what they think is the best course of action for Floyd Landis. There is a great amount at stake here. We are not just fighting for one man's reputation. We are fighting for Cycling. We are fighting for Goodness. Truth. And Democracy. We are fighting, in no uncertain terms, for the very soul of America."

CAST YOUR VOTE WITH YOUR COMMENT
Richard Quick, Esq. then asked American bicycling enthusiasts to share their votes by leaving comments on his Get Rich Quick! blog as to whether Floyd should 1) Admit Guilt regardless of guilt or innocence, 2) Claim he was framed by Al-Qaida, and call for the immediate bombing of the French cycling team, 3)Attend Fawnia's Exotic Dance School
, or 4) some other suggestion.

Richard Quick, Esq. closed by thanking PixWit for his fine graphic contribution to the campaign, and for supporting America with his world-class Art Gallery. "If we inadvertently bomb the Louvre," quipped Quick, "We'll still have Pixwit.com."

What's Floyd Landis' Next Move?

LEAVE A COMMENT. Win a Psychic Reading.
Richard Quick, Esq. wants YOUR opinion on Floyd Landis' next best move.
Should Floyd Landis:
1) Admit Guilt regardless of guilt or innocence?
2) Claim he was framed by Al-Qaida, and call for the immediate bombing of the French cycling team?
3) Attend Fawnia's Exotic Dance School?
or
4) do something else?

To claim your FREE PSYCHIC READING from world renowned affiliate psychic Sara "I knew you were going to do that!" Freder, simply scroll down the sidebar to the right, clicking on the many surefire, moneymaking opportunities along the way, until you see the subtle flashing banner reading "Free Psychic Reading." Click on the banner... if you dare!

Get filthy stinking rich like me!

Free Newsletter: _ Richard Quick's GET RICH QUICK!

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Free Special Report: __ When Farks Attack
Free Special Report: __ Attack of the Farking Losers (A Sequel)
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____________________ Immigration Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

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Trust, Verify, & Get a Free Psychic Reading!

Check out Trust but Verify's coverage of the Floyd Landis controversy. Although TBV has not come out and said as much, I will assume he's in complete agreement with my position and in admiration of my insight. And since he linked to me and responded to my blatant traffic-whoring with grace and aplomb, I shall reciprocate manyfold to Trust but verify, as is my way. That blog again: Trust but Verify.

TBV also had a fine moneymaking suggestion: Start a religion! In truth, I have started several including Morrism, and the Interfaith church of New Utopia, but TBV has a fine suggestion to get important tips from the best practices of The Church of Scientology. TBV suggests visiting the expose site Operation Clambake as sort of a how-to primer for raking in the dough from... the Masters.

For this excellent tip, TBV is entitled to a FREE PSYCHIC READING from Miss Sara Freeder. Ok, Ok, you can have one too! Just click on the flashing banner ad down on the right. It's the one flashing the words FREE PSYCHIC READING.

An Open letter to Floyd Landis PART TWO (or, What Would Rich Quick Do?)

[For image & t-shirt info, scroll to bottom of post]
Dear Floyd (cont.):

By now you are asking yourself: WWMRQED*?

The solution is simple: ADMIT YOUR GUILT.

Repeat after me: I did it. I, Floyd Landis, am guilty.

But Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.! you exclaim. I'm innocent!

Floyd, baby, I could care less. Innocence, guilt... it's irrelevant. What counts, son, is the STORY. So follow along with me here, and try to pay attention. Here, take one of these if you're getting drowsy.

No one except your mother (and she has her doubts) will ever believe you 100%. You will always be tainted goods unless you confess. after your suspension, you’ll be relegated to morally indifferent or low budget sponsors (How does Team Wild Bill’s Beef Jerky sound to you?)

So confess. Get everyone on the same page. During Year One you will tour the country and speak to school groups about staying off drugs, about playing fair, about always wearing a helmet while riding and the importance of eating vegetables. You will come out with a book in which you claim that getting caught was the best thing that ever happened because you had become so obsessed with winning that you had lost yourself, your soul and your faith in the process. Oprah will publish it and make you a regular guest. You’ll do interviews on Good Morning America, the 700 Club, and you’ll be the self-deprecating guest-host of Saturday Night Live. You will credit God and family and America for giving you a second chance.

In your book you will admit that you started experimenting with performance enhancement when you were a boy in Lancaster County. You remember an Amish dealer feeding you performance-enhancing whoopie pies that enabled you to bring his crops in three months early AND make 125 shoofly pies in a single weekend. Your addiction escalated from there.

Year Two you will train by bicycling in your home state of Pennsylvania, where Governor Ed Rendell will change the state slogan to read: “Pennsylvania. Now Steroid-Free!” The Pennsylvania Dutch Visitor & Convention Bureau will blow their entire year’s ad budget to become a sponsor. Sponsors will line up to be part of your historic drug-free comeback. We’ll run an ad campaign in which you promise the only performance enhancing substances in your system are Lancaster County Shoo-Fly Pie, Wheaties, Gatorade, NutriGrain bars and [insert more big dollar sponsor names here].

Your Tour De France comeback win will be glorious, meaningful and the most lucrative in history. You will be the most visible and sought-after company spokesman ever, a born-again health advocate and spokesperson for the cause of good old-fashioned Honesty. Your books will outsell Dr. Phil’s. Your story miraculous comeback will make Lance Armstrong's story yesterday's news... and you won't even have to lose a single testicle in the process.

Years from now, when ready to retire from cycling, you will release your memoirs in which you admit that the whole thing was a hoax, that you never used steroids or performance-enhancing drugs at all, but that no one would believe you. Your memoirs will be the best-selling book of all time and you will be on talk show after talk show, telling how you lied to tell the truth, how you sacrificed your good name to spread a positive message. The media won’t be too hard on you for your deception because, after all, the plan was there in plain sight from the beginning, published as “An Open Letter to Floyd Landis from Millionaire Richard Quick,” but no one had bothered to pay attention.

So call me, Floyd, and we’ll get the wheels turning on your amazing comeback! Of course, there will be some contractual obligations that you must make to me and some of my QuickCo Companies, but you can trust me that I am looking out for your best interest.

See you on the veranda!,


Richard Quick, Esq.
Chairman & CEO
Quick Public Relations Group,
Home of the QuickSpin™ Publicity Management System


*What Would Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. Do?

Image of Floyd Landis above is courtesy of the Floyd Landis is the Man blog, where you'll find other cool Floyd Landis images that are available as T-shirts at the Floyd Landis is the Man Cafe Press site. Any and ALL proceeds from t-shirt sales will be donated to the Floyd Landis Foundation - Supporting Osteoarthritis Research and Treatment. Don't ask me why they give away their hard-earned t-shirt money... maybe they need the write-off. Not something Richard Quick would do!

An Open Letter TO Floyd Landis, PART ONE

Dear Mr. Landis:
I am dismayed with the dismal performance of your publicity and/or crisis management team, and the fiasco that has ensued following the release of your test results. They obviously failed to have a crisis response plan in place, and their handling of your positive testosterone test results is a shameful. Had you retained Quick Public Relations Group, home of the QuickSpin™ Publicity Management System, rather than some latte-drinking California publicist, we would have nipped this in the bud with a QuickSpin™ solution:

BLAME IT ON TERRORISTS.

That’s right, the “W. Gambit”: Blame it on terrorists.

You should have immediately pointed out that there thousands of hateful individuals in this world whose ambition in life is to discredit America in the world press. Do you think these America-haters will sit idly by while a Pennsylvania farm boy waves the American flag on television broadcasts and magazine covers across the globe? Testosterone cream could have been transmitted through a handshake, a water bottle, a misting of your bicycle seat. If you were my client, you would have looked directly into the camera and said:
“I want to make it clear that I am NOT saying that this ‘dosing’ was necessarily Al Qaida operatives being assisted by the French and/or illegal aliens. It could have been any one of dozens of groups. But whomever it was, America, let’s not give them what they want. Let’s not concede to the wishes of terrorists. Let’s not let them win.”

I would have written you a poem, which we would have turned into a country song. It would be called “Tour de America” and we’d have it sung by Kenny Chesney or Willie Nelson and you’d be raking in royalties right now. In fact, I did write you a poem:

“Tour de America” by Millionaire Richard Quick.

Instead of skulking around, whining about your innocence, right now you’d be meeting with the President, Cheney, Rumsfeld, and I, discussing air strikes against French racing teams. That’s the power of the Quick Public Relations Group QuickSpin™ Publicity Management System.

But there’s an even better solution to your problem, one that will make you HAPPY that this misfortune befell you. As you’ll learn, no one can find the “fortune” in misfortune like Richard Quick! But Floyd, you’ll have to wait for OPEN LETTER PART TWO for the most brilliant solution you’ve ever heard.

Get your checkbook out, Mr. Floyd.

See you on the veranda!

Millionaire Richard Quick Esq.
Founder and SpinMaster
Quick Public Relations Group,
Home of the QuickSpin™ Publicity Management System

GET RICH QUICK: Become an Exotic Dancer!

Ladies:
Just because you're not exactly a rocket surgeon doesn't mean you can't be a millionaire. You can be! You just need to believe in yourself, and be 100% committed to finding, and exposing, your hidden assets. That's all it takes... that and a diploma from Fawnia's Exotic Dance School & Pole Studio!

Don't have time to earn a four-year degree in lap dancing! No problem. Fawnia's Exotic Dance School takes place right in your own VCR or DVD player. Can't afford to buy the whole "course." No worries: Your husband or boyfriend will buy it for you!*

[Click on the LEARN EXOTIC DANCING banner to visit Fawnia's Exotic Dance School]

Many millionaires got their starts as exotic dancers, escorts and/or call girls: Leona Helmsly, Gwen Hammond, Martha Stewart, Dr. Ruth... The list is endless. Believe me, I have put a few into the upper income bracket all by myself.

Pole dancing is great for:

• Bachelorette Parties
• Birthdays
• Spa Getaways
• Wedding gift, perfect for second marriages.
• Getting over your Ex.
• Winning back your Ex from that trailer trash hooker
• New Mom’s, feel sexy as you get back into shape!
• Or, JUST FOR FUN!

Gentlemen: Buy your spouse or girlfriend the Exotic Dance School DVD series (Heck, buy a set for each) and show her that you believe in her, that she is beautiful and has tremendous earning potential. She'll thank you for it... and so will your buddies.

*Don't have a husband or boyfriend? Exotic Dancing just might not be the right career for you. Scroll down to view Richard Quick's 101 Ways to Get Rich Quick! There are many choices that do not require face-to-face interaction with the public.

Should the U.S. Invade France? Vote here.

Should the U.S. Invade France? Vote here by leaving a comment. "Yes" "Immediately" and "Nuke'm" and "Do it for Tour de France winner Floyd Landis!" are all acceptable entries. By now it's clear that the French aided and abetted the Al-Qaida terrorist plot to discredit and embarrass Tour De France winner Floyd Landis, and in discrediting Tour de France winner Floyd Landis, to embarrass and disgrace all Americans, and all fans of Tour De France winner Floyd Landis. So let's send a message to terrorists around the world that when you mess with an american, you mess with America. And when you mess with America, we'll mess you up. We're hitting the French... hard. We're taking their race. We're taking their wine. We're shaving and taking their women. And they better all be speaking English by the time we return.

READ RICHARD QUICK'S EPIC POEM "TOUR DE AMERICA: A TRIBUTE TO FLOYD LANDIS."

Keywords: Floyd Landis, Lloyd Flandis, Tour de Frandis, Tour de France, Tour de Farce, Landis, Floyd, "Floyd Landis, P.I." Testosterone, Performance enhancing, Steroids, moron liberals, "Landis. Floyd Landis." Floyd Clamdip, Ployed Lambits, Floyd Landis, Floyd Landis, The Terrorists Planned this! Soy Lambisque.

"Tour de America" A Tribute to Patriot Floyd Landis

by Richard Quick, Esq.

America, stand by your hero, Floyd Landis!
For Al-Qaida terrorists surely did plan this.
To disgrace the U.S., they sent their best henchmen,
Assisted by tight-shorted weasily Frenchmen.

The Al-Qaida bike team's the worst in the land.
They ride in full robes & get stuck in the sand.
America's dominance had them annoyed.
They plotted attacks on our pretty boy, Floyd.

Testosterone pollen they sprayed on his flowers.
Creme Rinse with Steroids! they put in his shower.
His bike seat infected his buttocks & thighs
With terrorist skin cream, covertly applied.


Hornswaggled, bamboozled, both set-up & framed.
Flim-flammed, lambasted & Valerie-Plamed.
Osama's delighted with his little scam
But thanks to our intel, we're on to his plan!

It's time we defended our tracks, field & courts
From terrorist scandals that threaten our sports.
Covert operations from terrorist foes
Claimed Bonds, Janet Jackson, & even Pete Rose.

Let's blow up the French team, both riders & bikes!
Hit smart-ass dope testers with surgical strikes!
Bin Laden we'll ride off a cliff in the Alps
And festoon our bikes with fresh Al-Qaida scalps!

Let's invade some country, drop bombs 'til they're free!
Put yellow shirt decals on our SUVs!
The Cycle of Violence is ours to win
(Sponsored by FOX Sports, by NIKE & Schwinn).

The French stole our victory to anger and vex us
So let's seize their bike race & move it to Texas
Yes, Tour de America has a nice ring!
Three cheers for Floyd Landis! Of Landis we sing!


© 2006 Richard Quick, Esq.. Used by permission. You may link to this poem (http://richardquick.blogspot.com/2006/08/tour-de-america-tribute-to-patriot.html), but not reproduce it. Image is used by permission, and is licensed under the Creative Commons.

GET RICH QUICK: Selling Look Rich Quick! Graphics

Now you can get rich by helping others look rich, knowing they'll never be rich because they spend their time and energy trying to look rich unlike you who will get rich because you spend your time and energy becoming rich by aggregating the money of those who are trying to look rich and, in so doing, will both be AND look rich... Selling Look Rich Quick! Garage Graphics!

GET RICH QUICK: Start a Bumvertising Agency

Now you can get paid for sitting on your bum... as owner of your own BumVertising Agency!

From www.bumvertising.com:

Bumvertising™, or the use of sign holding vagrants to advertise, is a
development of PokerFaceBook.com's most recent advertising
campaign. Homeless men are able to provide a valuable and tangible service to a
company, while receiving an additional revenue stream in combination with their
normal donations from begging.

Benjamin Rogovy, president and chief economist of Front Door
Enterprises, developed this system after realizing the enormous potential in
wasted homeless labor. Bums use a business model that takes advantage of high
volume traffic, with the expectation that, on average, a certain number of
people will donate to them in the form of cash, clothing, or food.

Why advertise when you can BUMvertise?

GET RICH QUICK: Automated Bovid Dispensers Franchise

You can take control of your future and get in on the hottest new trend... as an Automated Bovid Dispenser franchise owner!

Our state-of-the-art ABD dispensories eliminate the problems that plagued mechanized bovid retailers for years. No more gnawing from the inside out. No more annoying goat sounds or sour-milk smell. And with our top-of-the-line RuminantPlus model*, you can stock and dispense Ibex, East or West Caucasian Tur, Markhor, Wild Goat, or any of other species of genus Capra.

Now you can meet the need for fresh Capra aegagrus hircus with on-site automatic convenience... with the franchise that works for you 24/7! Start building your future as an Automated Bovid Dispenser franchise owner today!

*Master Cud Adapter Module Available, but sold separately.
The cloven hoof and dynamic pentagram device are registered service marks of QuickCo Corp. Unauthorized use is prohibited by law.

An Interview with Bloggasm's Simon Owens

RQ: What do you admire most about Richard Quick, Esq.? Is it his wealth? Good looks? Power? Positive outlook? Animal magnetism? Willingness to give back to the Great Unwashed? Technical blogging prowess?

Simon Owens: I think it's the fact that your last name is Quick. How convenient is that, that the person who would go on to write a Get Rich Quick blog would actually be named Quick? It's like the gods wanted you to be rich.

RQ: If you could have but one of my personal traits, which would it be, and why?

Simon Owens: Your affinity for being the most unshameful traffic whore I've ever met. This one time, I thought about robbing a bank and then posting about it on my blog, just so a bunch of people would link to it right before I got arrested, but I chickened out at the last minute. You, on the other hand, probably would have gone through with it?

RQ: I did, actually. Then I remembered I owned the bank. Why not buy a police scanner, wait until someone else robs a bank, then post it on your blog as if you did it. By the time they realize it's not you, you'll have whored their traffic. Their outrage will prompt a second wave of whored traffic. That's the Traffic Whore Mindset (TWM) at work. Question: which of your limbs or vital organs would you give up to possess my prowess as the most unshameful traffic whore?

Simon Owens: I have this really bad callous on one of my big toe. Could that count?

RQ: Depends. How big is it? Next question: which of my Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.'s 101 Ways to Get Rich Quick! are you planning to follow to Get Rich Quick!? (or Get Rich Slow! or Get Rich At a Moderately Vigorous Pace!)

Simon Owens: 101 ways? Dude, I thought I was supposed to get rich quick. If I have to read all 101 ways, then that doesn't seem very quick. You should shorten that list down to 10, or maybe even 1. Then it'll be truly quick.

RQ: The correct answer was #93. You're losing the TWM. Question: If I gave you a million dollars to donate to one of my non-profit shells, which would you choose? Please explain.

A. National Association for the Advancement of Wealthy People
B. Traffic Whores Anonymous (TWA)
C. GnomeWatch International. Save the Foie Gras!
E. HAPPINISTA Movement Exposed!

Simon Owens: Definitely Traffic whores anonymous, and then I'd issue a press release saying that Simon of Bloggasm donated that million dollars in the hope that other places would link to my blog, making me the ultimate traffic whore.

RQ: Bravo! NOW you're getting the millionaire AND traffic whore mindset!

I'd love to keep chatting with you Simon, but I've got a couple of naked supermodels waiting for me in the hot tub. I'd invite you to join, but no. Last question: Who's the worst landlord you've ever had?

Simon Owens: Dan Carbaugh, terrible landlord in Shippensburg PA

RQ: Dan Carbaugh, terrible landlord in Shippensburg PA ?

Simon Owens: Definitely. Dan Carbaugh, terrible landlord in Shippensburg PA.

That concludes this installment of Interviews with Richard Quick, Esq. Special thanks to Dan Carbaugh, terrible landlord in Shippensburg PA for use of the kitchen table, unfair and scurrilous business practices and for serving as today's inspiration to college-town wannabe millionaire slumlords everywhere. See you all on the veranda! RQ

GET RICH QUICK: The Paddle Store Franchise

When we started out, we were charging people to ferry them up Shit Creek. Then we realized we could double our profits by helping them up Shit Creek for free, then charging them twice as much for a paddle. If you're looking for a franchise with a huge potential market and a high-demand product, this is the franchise opportunity you've been searching for. As the saying goes, your shit has come in.

Richard Quick, Esq. is in Love!

Ever since the tragic loss of my young bride at sea, Ms. Blessing Paul, just moments after our wedding vows and transfer of her family fortune into my offshore account, it has been hard for me to even consider another woman for any purpose other than my own sexual gratification. They say that once you fall, you've got to mount another horse as soon as possible. And while mounting has not been a problem, nor has riding, I have not even considered anything more "stable" in the two months since I became a millionaire widower.

But all that has changed, as I am obsessed with a new love. She is curvy, fiery, and swears like a trucker being kicked by a drunken sailor. She breathes fire, speaks with forked tongue, and can skewer a blogger six ways 'til Sunday. Since she's still married, I can't mention her name, so I'll just call her Ms. Chatty from I Talk too Much I know it'll make Bitter Bitch jealous, but so what? She's already bitter. And a bitch. She had her chance.

Ms. Chatty's gonna be tough to land, but she'll take her place beside me on the veranda soon. Just you wait.

Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. Interviewed on Bloggasm.Com

Be sure to check out the interview with America's most beloved Billionaire Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. on Bloggasm.Com.

You've got to hand it to Simon Owens of the site Bloggasm.com. He not only had the foresight to register a great domain name, but he's slick enough to boost his content with this interview format. I'd imagine that those vainer than I would each post their own link or twenty to the fact that they've been interviewed by anyone, anywhere. So at least interviewees' moms are providing steady traffic.

In addition to my interview (by far the best he's ever done), he had three other blog entries the same day. This earns him a nomination to TWA.

Join Traffic Whores Anonymous (TWA)!

Post a comment with your blog address and a short description of your site. All that's required for acceptance is a desire to be a better Traffic Whore. We are a non-profit group with the common goal of Whoring Traffic One Blog at a Time.

You are among fellow Traffic Whores, here. The rules are different. Self-nomination is something to be proud of. We all admit that we are powerless over obscurity, and we look to a Higher Power (Traffic) to deliver us.

TWA Members:

1. Gwen Hammond's Upper Echelon (Nominated by Richard Quick)
2. The Soda Stand (Nominated by Richard Quick)
3. Get Rich Quick! (Nominated by Richard Quick)
4. You. Send me your Web Link and how you hoor traffic and I might give you some.
5. Bloggasm (Nominated by Richard Quick)
6. I Talk 2 Much (Nominated by Richard Quick)



Member Notes:

1. This Gwen Hammond is a divine inspiration, the Queen of Traffic Whores. There's nothing this woman won't do for traffic. And I mean nothing. [Note: yes, Gwen was originally in the #3 spot but she threw a fit. She is a high maintenance diva, but that's the way with pure breds. And I did tell her she'd always be my #1 hoor.
2. This is the woman who inspired TWA. I found her blog through a Google Blog search for "Traffic Whore" and was moved by her words: "I like traffic to my blog. I could be considered a traffic whore. The more traffic, the happier I am."
3. The original Traffic Whore. When I was at my worst, there was nothing I wouldn't do to get traffic. When I was at my best, I got it. And since you're here, it must be working.
4. If you've got a blog, yoor a hoor. You're just not good at it, or your URL would be posted here. put your weblink in the comments & tell us how you hoor traffic. I may grant you some.
5. Simon Owens gets a nomination for his 5-question interview that builds quick easy content & links.
6. At I Talk 2 Much, blogger morons volunteer to be told they are douchebags and that no one cares about their ugly ass kids, their ugly ass pets, their ugly ass husbands, their ugly ass lives or their ugly asses. I also nominate them because I'm hopelessly in love with the sweet, demure and curvaceous Ms. Chatty.

TRAFFIC WHORES UNITE!

I am just like you, only I'm rich. Filthy rich.

If you were as rich as I am, you'd no longer have to kiss ass unless you chose to. You'd tend to be pretty blunt at times. And honest. And since everyone in American society (especially the slackers who pretend they're against materialism because they're too lazy or stupid to get some material) believes rich people are better than everyone else, and everyone would laugh at your jokes (however lame) and applaud your ideas (however inane), you'd find it easy to get pretty arrogant and sarcastic.

So if you had my money, odds are you'd be as arrogant, blunt & honest as I am, and no one would like you, either. But you wouldn't give a shit.

But here's a secret, straight from the Millionaire: You don't have to wait until you're rich to be honest. Or blunt. Or arrogant. Of course, you can't be those things in public, or on the job, but you can here in the blogosphere.

Start with Honesty. Most Bloggers are worried that people are going to label them Traffic Whores, those lowlife outsiders that post on blogs and bulletin boards in the attempt to draw traffic back to their own little blogs (most of which are just as conformist, pathetic, & boring as they are.) Some try outrageous stunts or take ridiculous positions to provoke controversy. The blog community acts offended and lashes out sarcastically, or with a "just ignore them" policy... unless it works and then they laud the effort while privately seething with Envy.

Because here's the truth: Every blogger is a closet Traffic Whore (TW), unless they are a Freaking Moron (FM). Why the hell would they be posting their BS in a public forum unless they wanted people to read it? And what's wrong with trying to prompt people to read it?

You're a Traffic Whore. Admit it. For once you admit it, you're on the road to recognition. There's no shame in being a TW, there's only shame in being an unsuccessful TW. Let me tell you, I had a post picked up by the losers on Fark.Com and had over 30,000 hits in two days. That was fun as hell. You should see all the stupid comments by these morons who think they are so clever but are stuck in third grade: hiding in the pack, parroting jokes they see on tv and pretending they are clever but never having an original thought or taking a real stand on anything.

So why not come here, admit you're a TW, and offer your tips and input as to how to be a successful TW without letting on to the rest of the Blogagentsia that you're a member of TWA. Or you can nominate a Traffic Whore that you know of. You don't have to worry... no one visits this blog. Your secret's safe with us.

Leave a comment or send me an email (richardquickesq(at)yahoo-dot-com) to gain membership to T.W.A. Traffic Whores Anonymous.

Vegenazis are on the attack!

Vegenista Terrorists are on the Attack, America, and they want to take away your God-given right to sup on the food chain at your discretion.

Chicago has BANNED FOIE GRAS! That's right: in a few weeks, you can be arrested for possession of foie gras! Wake up, gourmands. This is just the first step. Now, Whole Foods has banned the sale of live lobsters in their stores! They're eyeing your butter sauce! Your eggs are next! And then your burgers!

I for one am taking a stand. They can have my grilled foie gras with cherry chutney and peppercorn brioche when they pry it from my gold, dead, and tastefully bejewelled fingers!

GET RICH QUICK: Magic Money MATRIX as seen on OPRAH!

$$$ QUICK MONEY $$$
Do You Need Extra Income? Quickly and legally?
Do you have a PayPal Account? (If not the set-up takes 10-15 minutes.)You could make up to $50,000 in one month’s time with more money coming in every month thereafter!
$50,000 in PayPal?
That's Right… $50,000 dollars in your PayPal Account!
In my account? $50,000 dollars?
Yes. $50,000 dollars. In your account. Your PayPal Account.
But I don’t have a PayPal Account!
Get one. It takes 10-15 minutes to set up.
And I’ll get $50,000 in it?
For the love of God, yes. Let’s continue. This moneymaking opportunity WAS PROVEN ON OPRAH and this system is COMPLETELY LEGAL!!!You may have heard of this program (or one like it) on 20/20 or even in the Wall Street Journal. $10 Dollars that's all it takes.
What about the PayPal account?
$10 and a PayPal account. That’s all it takes.
To get started just copy this whole page and past it in an e-mail to edit it.
Simply follow the instructions below and in 2 to 3 weeks, you will have as much as $50,000 dollars in your PayPal account or even more. Most people respond to this program because of the low investment ($10 dollars) and high profit. There is no limit to the income you can generate from this (you can do it over and over).
If you follow the instructions, you will reach thousands of people! Honesty, Faith, and Integrity make this system work. And the $10. Yes, yes, and the Paypal account.

Send a $5.00 dollar donation from your PayPal account to THE FIRST e-mail address on the list along with a note saying "Please add me to your list." Now send the other $5.00 donation and an e-mail to the 5th person on the list saying:"THANK YOU, I'VE JOINED."
DO NOT TRY TO PLACE YOURSELF IN THE LIST.

REMEMBER TO:
1) SEND a $5.00 dollar donation to the 1st e-mail address and the message "PLEASE ADD ME TO YOUR LIST”
2) SEND other $5.00 donation to the 5th person and an email with the words 'THANK YOU. I'VE JOINED". This helps the 5th person keep track of progress of the letter and continue to send out more emails.
Here is the most recent list:
1. rquick@hotmail.com
2. richardquick@yahoo.com
3. richquick@hotmail.com
4. richardquickesq@millionaire.com
5. dickquick@yahoo.com
Now that you have paid the 1st person and 5th person and sent them both an email, a note, send $50 to each of the people at #2, #3 and #4. This is important, as each name will multiply into millions of dollars of revenue for you. The only thing left to do is to mail out at least 2000 copies of this letter. IT IS YOUR JOB AS THE 5TH PERSON ON THE LIST TO ENSURE THERE ARE AT LEAST 2000 "THANK YOU. I'VE JOINED" replies. You are the guardian of the system! Don’t fail us!

Step 6. Send whatever money you have left to the fourth (4th) person on the list. Sell anything else you own on Ebay and send that too. “Borrow” anything of value from your neighbors’ yards and garages, sell them, and send the proceeds to the first person on the list. Don’t worry! You’ll repay them a hundredfold!

THE SYSTEM WILL PLACE YOU AUTOMATICALLY IN THE MAGIC MONEY MATRIX. Soon 8,000 to 15,000 people will send you 5 dollars! Keep in mind the most you spent initially $10 DOLLARS! (Remember…….what goes around comes around) DO NOT TRY TO PUT YOURSELF ON THE LIST OR PAYPAL WILL AUTOMATICALLY NOTICE THIS AND DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT AND POSSIBLY PURSUE LEGAL ACTION , OR ISSUE AN ELECTRIC SHOCK TO YOU THROUGH YOUR COMPUTER SINCE THIS IS A LEGITIMATE PROGRAM, AND THEY ARE PART OF IT.*************************************************************
TESTIMONIALS:
Mary Gutters, Columbus, SC: I only have one thing to say to you…….OH MY FREAKIN’ GOD! I sent out 14,200 copies like the instructions said. Then I went on a short vacation. When I got back my account had over $32,000 dollars in it already and the money was still coming! I'm still floating on air (especially with my new car). I thought the Money Matrix system sounded cheesy, but now I realize it is the formula that makes this letter really work! THANKS!

Richard Farrie, Boulder, CO: I was shocked when I saw how much money came flooding into my PayPal account (you were right. I did need a PayPal account.) Within 3 weeks my account balance has ballooned to $22,449. At first I thought there had been some sort of error with my account!

Please give it an honest effort, you will not be disappointed and will be very glad you did when it starts to work. Remember, all you are going to be out of pocket is about the cost of a couple of coffees with the opportunity of banking thousands of dollars, even millions, into your PayPal account!
What's a PayPal account?

See you on the veranda!

Richard Quick, Esq.
The Millionaire Extraordinaire

Richard Quick Wins $3.5 Million Settlement from Supercuts

(pictured: Richard Quick (center) is pictured with Deputy Director Hollis Larkins (right) and Regional Attorney Delner Franklin-Thomas (left), after signing the Settlement Agreement.)

While $3.5 million is little more than a night on the town with a few friends, I see this is as both a moral victory and an clear message as to Richard Quick's dedication to providing full access to the sacred shrine of wealth creation, no matter what your race, color, creed, and no matter how tacky the company you work for is. Just because one child is born black, or hispanic, or Asian doesn't mean he or she shouldn't have as good a chance as anyone to grow up and provide cheap, shitty haircuts. Here's an excerpt from the official EEOC press release:

The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) today announced
a voluntary pre-litigation settlement of a race discrimination case against
Supercuts, Inc., a nationwide chain of hair salons based in Minneapolis,
Minn., for $3.5 million and significant remedial relief. The agreement,
obtained through EEOC's conciliation process, resolves a charge by former [executive] Richard Quick, who claimed that Supercuts Eastern Regional Vice-President terminated him for refusing to go along with a plan to "balance the platform" by reducing the number of African Americans employed with the company. The charge also included claims that Supercuts failed to hire and promote African Americans and terminated them due to their race.
Commenting on the successful settlement, Mr. Quick stated, "I am very pleased with the outcome of EEOC's investigation. People should not be deterred from getting or keeping a job because of the color of their skin. I am proud to have made a difference in this case."

Go here for the full story: "Supercuts to Pay $3.5 Million for Race Bias and Train Hundreds of Managers, In EEOC Settlement."

Liberal Media Attacks Richard Quick, Esq.!

My phone has been flooded with calls, and emails have been pouring into the press office at Quick Mansion, the NAAWP office, Green Line Real Estate and the law offices of Quick, Duhk & Hyde about a news story that appeared in Arizona and was blasted out over the Internet about the arrest of Richard Quick on theft and explosives charges.

I contacted the writer, Mirsada Buric, immediately requesting an immediate printed clarification. She was initially accomodating, sending two emails:

Sir, The reason I haven't responded to you is because I was out of the
office until today. I will pass your concerns to my editors and it will be their
call how the paper will handle this situation.
In addition, the original article appeared in the Daily Courier, the only daily newspaper in the tri-city area, which includes Prescott, Prescott Valley and Chino Valley.
The Chino Valley Review is a weekly and is owned by the same company. That's why my story also appeared there. Sincerely, Mirsada

Sir, After I spoke to my editors, we've decided that I could do a short story to clarify this matter. [Emphasis mine] However, I need to talk to you to get more information. Would you please send me your contact information other than email so I can call you. Thanks, Mirsada

I notified MS. Buric that I was offshore with spotty satellite reception, but if she could send me her direct number I would call when I had signal, and for her to send me the information she needed. I figured that we would have a satisfactory conclusion shortly.

No such luck. For then I receive this hamhanded email from Managing Editor Tim Wiederaenders. Mr. Wiederaenders obviously fancies himself Death Valley's answer to Perry White and Woodward & Bernstein rolled into one. Perhaps he sees the besmirching of a billionaire's reputation as his ticket out of the coyote and scorpion beat and the thriving Southwest journalism scene of Prescott, AZ.

Hello Mr. Quick:
I appreciate your willingness to call us regarding
this matter; however, I do not see that as necessary at this point.
We published in June 2006 front-page stories about the theft of explosives from
Hemphill Drilling and Blasting Company in Chino Valley, Ariz. We
also reported that the first of two arrests was Richard Anthony Quick, 28,
of Prescott Valley, Ariz. -- specifically living in the 3700 block of Tower
Road. Frankly, I find it hard to believe anyone could confuse the
situation -- Mr. Richard Anthony Quick's arrest -- with you, a
billionaire, according to your Web site. Without knowing of a
multi-millionaire Richard Quick living somewhere in the world, I believe we
satisfied our journalistic professionalism in this matter by publishing the
man's full name, age, address and hometown.
Please contact me directly
if you have any questions.
Thank you.
Tim Wiederaenders
Managing Editor
The Daily Courier, Prescott, Arizona

Mr. Wiederaenders (what nationality is that? Certainly sounds foreign. And why is he hiding out in the desert?) claims: "Frankly, I find it hard to believe anyone could confuse the situation -- Mr. Richard Anthony Quick's arrest -- with you, a billionaire." Temporarily putting aside Mr. Wiederaenders obvious struggles with grammatical syntax (English his second language perhaps?), I assume that Mr. W. is saying that if he is wrong, and people do confuse "the situation" with "me," that he is willing to print a clarifying story as originally promised by his reporter. Let's just see how deep Mr. W's "journalistic professionalism" runs when I copy him on the numerous inquiries and correspondi we have received expressing alarm and concern at my supposed arrest, and the libelous implications that i am somehow involved in terrorist activities.

I suspect that no matter how much evidence I present, Mr. W. and the political forces he represents will never follow through on their promise of clarification unless legally forced to do so. Why? Do you have to ask? This is nothing short of another example of the liberal media doing whatever it can to bring down the wealthy and powerful, to attack the patriotic, God-fearing conservative Republicans who love this country, and maintain their liberal grip on the poor deluded and impressionable minds of the American public.

I know, I am supposed to apologize for my wealth. Feel guilty for my power and influence. And be ashamed that I love my country and will die to protect all that it represents. I'm sorry, Mr. Wiederaenders and whomever is supplying your agenda, it's not going to be that easy to bully the real Richard Quick, Esq. to betray the ideals of this great nation, and to be silent in the face of liberal tyranny!

GET RICH QUICK: Become an Etch-A-Sketch Artist!

You can buy a Classic Etch-A-Sketch for $14.95 (cheaper in quantity), draw some stuff on it, turn around and sell it for $5000 - $8000 a pop. It's that easy! Even if you only do one picture a day at $5000 per, that's $1,825,000 per year. (Remember, students, to subtract your cost of goods to determine your gross profit.) Subtract $5456.75 for the purchase of 365 Etch-A-Sketches, and you walk away with a profit of $1,819,543.30! That doesn't even take into account appearance fees and celebrity endorsements which can be exorbitant. Michael Jordan made something like $30 Million a year in celebrity endorsements, and he's all thumbs with an Etch-A-Sketch!

Sound too good to be true? George Vlosic III makes a tidy living as a full-time Etch-A-Sketch artist. And he gets to hobnob with celebrities from Cal Ripkin to the Beatles and even Elvis! Check out his gallery at ETCHED IN TIME. How hard can that be?

Richard Quick, Esq. Demands Printed Clarification from Chino Valley Review

Dear Mirsada Buric:

After I received many concerned emails and phone calls from friends, fans and investors, my Public Relations Director forwarded me your article on the arrest of a Richard Quick on explosives charges in Castle Canyon Mesa, AZ. While your story in the Chino Valley Review was otherwise well-written and informative, I believe you lapsed in your journalistic professionalism by not clarifying that this miscreant was not the same individual as the famous Millionaire with whom he shares his name.

If you reported on a local pedophile named Bill Gates, or a local car thief named Donald Trump, or a chicken rustler and vandal named George W. Bush, would you not attempt comment or clarification to reconcile and clarify identity? Would you print "Brad Pitt Arrested in Truckstop Men's Room Sting"? Would you report "Donald Rumsfeld Arrested for Indecent Exposure" without clarifying that it wasn't THE Donald Rumsfeld?

I have spent my life building a stellar reputation and a personal brand-name synonymous with self-made success and wealth acquisition. After building a personal fortune, a prominent law firm that bears my name, the non-profit NAAWP, I have dedicated myself to inspiring young people to attain their full potential. These youngsters come to my Get Rich Quick blog (http://richardquick.blogspot.com/) and learn that even if they lack a social pedigree, work ethic or talent, they can still acheive wealth by following my simple philosophy. How will they be able to believe in me - and therefore themselves - if they think I am a dynamite-stealing ne'er-do-well too stupid to get away with such an easy crime?

I must request that your paper immediately publish a clarification that this Richard Quick is in no way associated, or the same person, as the beloved Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq., founder of the NAAWP and publisher of Get Rich Quick! Furthermore, please either include said clarification in future stories on this rapscallion, or simply refer to him as "Ritchie Quick," "Rick Quick," "Dick Quick," or "Non-Millionaire Richard Quick."

Thank you for your immediate attention to this matter.

See you on the veranda!

Richard Quick, Esq.

Public Statement on Richard Quick Explosives Arrest

Official Statement from the Press Room of Quick Estate regarding the reported arrest of Richard Quick by the Chino Valley Review of Chino Valley, AZ .

On 6/28/06 the Chino Valley Review of Chino Valley, AZ publicly reported that Richard Quick is facing charges for stealing dynamite and electric blasting caps from Hemphill Drilling and Blasting in Chino Valley the weekend of June 17-18.

They quoted Federal Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) spokesman Tom Mangan as saying that Richard Quick is facing state charges of theft and possession of explosives as well as violations of federal explosive laws. They quoted Mangan as saying Richard quick is already a convicted felon, and will face even more severe penalties.

The Chino Valley Review reported that local and federal authorities stormed Richard Quick’s residence in the 3700 block of Tower Road in Castle Canyon Mesa, and found 167 sticks of dynamite, 260 electric detonators and three bags of ammonium nitrate, Mangan said. According to the Chino Valley Review: "Yavapai County Sheriff’s Office records indicate that local authorities issued a nationwide extradition warrant for Quick’s arrest, which they revoked after Quick’s apprehension on Wednesday."

On behalf of Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq., Quick, Duhk & Hyde Attorneys at Law, and the NAAWP, we would like to clarify that this individual, Richard Quick, is in no way related and is not the same person as Richard Quick, Esq. the beloved multi-millionaire and wealth-building guru who has done so much to build the wealth of those with so little going for them.

We have requested that the Chino Valley Review print a clarification in both its print and online editions making sure that there is no confusion that the dynamite-stealing, bomb-making Richard Quick of godforsaken Castle Canyon Mesa is the same Richard Quick as the inspirational empire builder Richard Quick, Esq. of Quick Mansion, Quick Estate, founder of the National Association for the Advancement of Wealthy People and publisher of the acclaimed blog Get Rich Quick at RichardQuick.Blogspot.com.

Further, we have kindly requested clarifying statements in any future reports of this miscreant, or that they use the name "Ritchie Quick" or "Rick Quick" or "Dick Quick" when reporting on him in the future.

Kenneth Lay Conspiracy: He's not here

Official Press Briefing
10:30 a.m. EST July 7, 2006
Veranda of Quick Mansion, Richard Quick Estate
Candy Springtime, Sherling Tompson Public Relations

"Good morning all. As everyone knows, I'm Candy Springtime of Sherling Tompson Public Relations speaking on behalf of Mr. Richard Quick, Esq., Quick, Duhk & Hyde Attorneys at Law, LLP, and the NAAWP, also known as the National Association for the Advancement of Wealthy People.

"Two days ago, Richard Quick's former student, protege, golf partner, longtime client and personal friend Kenneth Lay passed away from coronary artery disease at the age of 64. Mr. Quick would like to once again express his condolences to the family and to assure them that the substantial retainer payment made by Mr. Lay shortly before his death will be adequate to cover the grieving time and funeral attendance of the professional staff of Quick, Duhk & Hyde. We are thankful not to have to send an invoice at this difficult time.

"The purpose of this press conference, however, is to express our outrage over accusations made in recent days by gossip-mongers, lowlife bloggers, and irresponsible journalists quoting supposed "inside sources" alleging that Mr. Lay, with the assistance of the highly respected multimillionaire and philanthropist Richard Quick, Esq., and covert Bush administration operatives have faked the death of former Enron executive Kenneth Lay, and that Mr. Lay is actually alive and well and living in perfect health on the grounds of the Richard Quick Estate.

"Let us be clear: Mr. Lay is NOT, I repeat NOT, alive and well and living in perfect health on the grounds of the Richard Quick Estate. We are investigating these allegations and will continue to do so. Be forewarned that we will aggressively litigate any individuals or groups or media organizations spreading these slanderous comments and rumors. If Mr. Lay is indeed alive, he is not in perfect health and living on the grounds of what's known as the Richard Quick Main Estate, which is a separate entity and not inclusive of other Quick properties or affiliates.

"Let me further state that widely spread allegations involving discussions of the covert transportation and hiding of "Mr. Lay" supposedly overheard by Richard Quick's former domestic staff and leaked to the press and law enforcement were misunderstandings that have now been cleared up. The domestic servants had, in fact, misconstrued the meaning of an overheard and inadmissable conversation regarding a covert delivery of "Lay's Potato Chips," that are a favorite of Mr. Quick's but forbidden by his doctor for cholesterol-related reasons. Mr. Quick had the chips in question delivered covertly under the cover of night so his doctor would not admonish him. The domestic servants acknowledged their error in a sworn affadavit shortly before their disappearance, and are no longer available for comment...or other purposes.

"Let me also state unequivocably and with a straight face that the mysterious disappearance of the winner of last month's Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.'s Kenneth Lay Look-alike Contest is entirely coincidental and unrelated to Mr. Lay's untimely death. We regret that Mr. Freudenstein, who won an all-expense paid trip to the Caribbean furnished by Mr. Quick, disappeared last month off the coast of Aruba while on Mr. Quick's yacht, but are pleased that his last moments were the happiest of his life. Allegations that Mr. Quick somehow "harvested" the body for use in the cover-up, while ingenious, are, in this case, untrue, libelous, slanderous, and offensive. The Bush Administration has added that spreading these allegations against Richard Quick, Esq. or even "snooping around" constitute a threat to national security, and are therefore treasonous and warrant the use of deadly force with no questions asked.

"Are there any questions? No? Great! This press conference is concluded. Once you are unbound, please place your gags in the marked bins and help yourself to refreshments."

GET RICH QUICK: Start a Taxi Service!

Get rich quick with a taxi service, you say?

Richard, you're the greatest businessman and most beloved millionaire of all time, but are you slipping?

Fear not, my students. Not just any taxi service. An Ultimate Taxi Service.

People are easily amazed, are they not? And will so easily fork over their hard-earned cash when you take an "extraordinary" approach to an ordinary task.

GET RICH QUICK: Sell Nipple Stifflers!

These could be the perfect complement to your
YarmulkaBra and Vulva Puppets product line!

According to the BodyPerks website:

What are bodyperks? They are lightweight, natural colored, silicone nipples that you insert into your bra and place directly on your own nipple. You can create your own look and wear them with tight t-shirts, sexy halters, dresses, twin sets, swimsuits and more.
One size fits all as bodyperks were crafted to produce just the right amount of perkiness, regardless of breast size or shape.

Who won't pay a premium for "just the right amount of perkiness"?

GET RICH QUICK: Sell Vulva Puppets!

According to the Wondrous Vulva Puppet Web Site:

The Wondrous Vulva Puppet is soft, receptive, visually beautiful and they
smell good! Rather than being embarrassing, they encourage thoughtful dialogue,
allowing a connection with the emotional and spiritual aspects of sex.

GET RICH QUICK: Rent your Chest!

Why not rent out your chest like this guy.

He gets $20 to write your message on his chest and post the pic on his website. Female breasts are available for rental at $2K per pair (though that would be harder to read).

Sell your chest every 10 minutes at only $20 each and you'll make $20,160 per week, and over $1,000,000 per year. Rent out several people's chests (think outsourcing oversees) and you can multiply that many times over. Pretty soon you'll be talking about real money.

GET RICH QUICK: Sell Yarmulkebras!

According to the Yarmulkebra web site:

A yarmulkebra is a bra made of two yarmulkes. No longer are yarmulkes limited to men or heads. You wanted to wear one? Now you can wear two.

What a fantastic idea, and an exciting and saleable product! I have inquired to Yarmulkebra on your behalf to get the details for selling this high-potential product line.

GET RICH QUICK: Sell Innovative Fruit Carriers

While I'm not certain there's a dealer of franchise program for Banana Guard established yet, the market is wide open for this excellent product in the U.S. In fact, there's only one outlet in the U.S.... a bicycle shop in New Orleans. it's inconvenient making a servant fly down there, and during Katrina we had to send the plane to Canada to get the new colors.

I've emailed them for more information. In the meantime, check out their website: Banana guard website.

Dear Banana Guard:

Do you have an established Bananaguard dealer or
distributor program for the US you could send me information on? I am interested
in possibly establishing other dealers or vendor outlets, as I am an ardent user
of your product.
Thank you.
RQ

GET RICH QUICK: Become a Hit Man/Woman!

Here's a great chance not only to build a profitable professional services business you can operate from home, but a chance to truly help people with problems they just can't solve by themselves. At the end of the day, isn't that really what it's all about? And the money?

Never offed anyone before? No sweat! Professional Hit Men provide a full training program covering all the latest techniques and marketing tactics, and use state of the art training tools as well!


So stop sitting and get hitting today!

GET RICH QUICK: Start an anti-currency movement

Inspired by the I Hate Dimes website, you can start your own anti-currency movement. It's a simple idea: Rant & rave & rail against a specific type of currency, whip the masses into a frenzy, and have them send the dreaded currency to you in protest.

Suggested: protest a higher form of currency than a dime.

GET RICH QUICK: Become a Rectal Exam Trainer!

Become an in-demand freelance rectal exam trainer is easier than ever, thanks to the Digital Rectal Examination simulator by KYOTO KAGAKU CO., LTD.

The kit includes:

• 1 Adult lumbar torso (unisex)
  4 rectal units
  1 normal,
  1 rectal
  cancer A,
  1 rectal cancer B,
  1 rectal with polyps 1 prostate model1
  endocervix model1 jar of Vaseline

  1 storage box
  

Alternative uses not encouraged and voids warranty.

Learn more here.

GET RICH DICK: Sell Penis clowns!

Dean Adams' Penis figurines are the hottest products and hardest to get. Become a reseller and Get dick Quick!

Adams' insights into his own art are penetrating. As he said about one of his pieces: "I likened the emergence of Light to a manifestation of two brothers, knowing quite well that there are not two brothers, nor even one. "

Start your own Dean Adams Penis collection and be the envy of the neighborhood!

GET RICH QUICK: Sell Penis birds!

The cock that crows in yonder hollow
is dreaming of his little swallow.

It might sound just a tad absurd
But we all need a Penis Bird.

Penis Birds by Dean Adams

GET RICH QUICK: Sell Cow Pie Clocks!

Why sell normal, boring crap when you can sell cow pie clocks, mirrors and other upscale decor items. Show your sophistication! Great gift items for those who give a crap.

GET RICH QUICK: Sell UFO Abduction Insurance!

Sell UFO Abduction Insurance!

"Don't Leave Earth Without It!"

GET RICH QUICK: Friendly Fire Fast Funds Franchise!

Sometimes, to free people from oppression & tyranny you have to blow them and their houses to smithereens. As Hornsby put it: That's just the way it is.

But there's always a bright side for those of us who refuse to see the crater as half empty. Read on, and I'll teach you how to find the pin on this hand grenade of opportunity.

The U.S. Government is paying out MILLIONS to lucky Iraqi survivors or next-of-kin for damaged personal property and injuries or deaths to family members as a result of Operation Iraqi Freedom. These payments, known variously as "Sympathy" payments or "Oops! Sorry we blew up your house... And family" disbursements are sort of a modern Iraqi Lottery. The Fallujah Liaison Team site has a carnival atmosphere each Wednesday (Claims Day!) as eager, liberated Iraqis wheel and hobble in to munch the sweet snow cone of opportunity.

According to Staff Sgt. Robert Barker, disburser & host, II OMFG Headquarters Group, 2nd Force Service Support & Game Show Group (Forward), said "There's a real excitement in the air as I call out their names. Suad Jaafari, Crawl on DOWN! They can make some big bucks if they can make it down without a Big Whammy!"

Says Barker: “Most death claims are $2,500 big ones. Whether it’s one family member or four family members it’s still going to be $2,500. Personal injuries that will actually threaten them for the rest of their life we give from $1,000 to $1,500. Property damage is $500 and below.” The Iraqis can really hit the jackpot with bonus claims for damages incurred from non-combat activities “If we have a convoy going through town and they crush a car, the car owner can spin for a chance to win a brand new Yugo Amaryl. At the very least, they'll get the Home Version of our game... for when they have a home.”

But the Iraqis face a little challenge. While 200 show up on an average Claims Day, only 25 or so claims get processed, and they have to keep coming back. Some are too shell-shocked to fill out the paperwork correctly, and too grief-stricken to properly fabricate receipts or maximize their claims. Even those who know that electronic filing exists lack the computer skills, computer or fingers to fill out online forms. But as I always say, from Adversity is Opportunity Borne.

Now, as a Friendly Fire FastFunds (4H) franchise owner, you can expedite the payments that disabled Iraqis deserve... and keep half for yourself. Not only will you be doing well by doing good, you'll be doing your patriotic duty by repatriating American funds... earned by Americans to be spent in America!

Through the Friendly Fire FastFunds (4H) franchise company, a division of Green Line Real Estate, a Quick & Hammond corporation, you'll shock and awe bewildered Iraqis with two sure-fire claims expediting options.

With your 4H Accelerated Sympathy Service (ASS), you can provide claims funds electronically transmitted by the U.S. Government even to liberated Iraqis who no longer have a bank account (or bank). You can offer them access to the balance of their half of their funds in approximately 8 to 15 days, rather than 8 to 15 months.

The benefits of choosing ASS include:

- No payment is required up front because fees will be
withheld.
- A choice of receiving payment by check, or loaded into
theirPartyPoker.Com account
- A $10.00 free credit for signing up with PartyPoker.Com
- Additional fees that may apply.

A Sympathy Anticipation Check* (SAC) is a loan made to customers based upon their anticipated refund amount and life expectancy. If they qualify, they can apply for a loan on the amount of the anticipated Sympathy Payment - up to $9,999 - and receive the loan proceeds in as little as one 1 day. If they happen to have an unfortunate "accident" before they receive payment, you keep it all as well as THEIR death bounty!

*A SAC is a loan. Additional fees apply. Loans up to $9,999 provided by Midland Texas Bank & Trust or MTBT Bank USA, N.A. Bank fees and other charges deducted from loan proceeds. Loans may be subject to credit approval. Terms & conditions apply.

Sign up for the Get Rich Quick! Newsletter to learn more about this exciting franchise program!

GET RICH QUICK: GLRE Work-to-Own Program!

Gwen Hammond's Upper Echelon: GREEN LINE REAL ESTATE Offers New 'GLRE Work-to-Own Program'

Do you have the RQ Millionaire Mindset?

OK, students and future millionaires, if you want to seize opportunity you must be prepared for it, and when you hear the creaky window opportunity opening, you must react as one with the Millionaire Mindset. For me, million dollar ideas only appear a few times per day, and I have disciplined myself to react quickly and decisively to seize them.

For example, early this morning I was reviewing the blogs of the misguided (I never sleep; sleep is for Democrats) and ran across The Quaker's Colonel interesting statistics in his post titled Statistics for July:

Today, July 1, 2006, is day 1,200 of the U.S.-led invasion and occupation of
Iraq.

U.S. military deaths are 2,536; 62 died in June, one has died in
July U.S. wounded, as of last update (June 11), total at 18, 356.

Coalition military deaths are 226; half of these are British

Iraqi civilian deaths are at least 50,000.
Police fatalities in 2005 were 3,578 and for the first half of 2006 were 4,693.

Iraqi government figures for fatalities for May and June 2006 were 1,423 and 1,771, respectively. By comparison, the Iraq Coalition report lists only 1,120 and 868 for these
months, respectively.

On July 1, 78 Iraqi civilians and 8 Iraqi police and military died

What's your instant reaction to this news? Awww, that's terrible? Not if you have the Millionaire Mindset it isn't! The conditioned student of wealth's reaction is: Hmmm... How can I make real money off this? I've developed a sixth sense for opportunity... I could sense it nearby.

I immediately called my Director at Quick Research and told him to assemble his his team and get me a report by day's end as to the best way to make serious profit off of the (admittedly unfortunate blah blah) civilian deaths in Iraq. His reaction did not reflect a Millionaire Mindset (It's 4 a.m. And it's Sunday, Mr. Quick. He whined. I haven't seen my family in 4 weeks.). I told him to enjoy his abundant, unemployed family time, fired him, and immediately promoted his assistant. While the exuberance and gutteral nature of his assistant's reaction to his early morning promotion (Fuckin' A!!!) was clearly fueled by 12 hours of Jagermeister shots, his exuberance was reflective of the Millionaire Mindset. I look forward to his report by day's end.

When opportunity appears, you must be ready. For instance, you should have your checkbook out and your assets ready to liquefy prior to the completion of this report. I am sure it will result in an investment program that will create millionaires of those who have developed the Richard Quick, Esq. Millionaire Mindset and are ready for a life of untold wealth and well-deserved luxury.

Will I see you on the veranda?

Richard Quick, Esq.

"Is it OK to profit from the suffering of others?"

Yes.

See you on the veranda!

Richard Quick, Esq.
Founder
National Association for the Advancement of Wealthy People

You can't beat us. Why not join us?

GET RICH QUICK: Renegade Eye's Socialist Doll Ideas

Recently, I received this plea for help from a late stage but recovering Socialist:

Dear Richard:

I found this blog surfing.
Could you make me, a sellout socialist? My price is low.

Renegade Eye

It's a tough case. The recovery rate for Socialism is shockingly low, with the only proven treatments being alcoholism, despair and, for extreme cases, actually living in a socialist society. Renegade Eye's case seems even more serious, as he/she developed socialism on the shores of Lake Wobegon, probably a rare strain that's associated with long, cold winters and too many books.

But I thrive on tough cases, and I'm dedicated to helping even the most red-eyed and the most misguided locate and nurture their inner-capitalist. So I searched through all the incomprehensible babble about worker's rights, human dignity, justice and other socio-babble until at last I discovered the gem I was looking for. There it was, in a post titled A Muslim Barbie... Please!, the seed of a socialist moneymaking idea:

When a slave child has a slave doll to relate to;
When a child labourer has a doll which comes complete with a
sweatshop;
When a girl who has been genitally mutilated has a doll with mutilated
genitals;
and when a child 'bride' has a baby barbie doll dressed in white to relate
to;
Then, I suppose, this veiled doll will also make sense...
That is, of course, if and when we have reverted back to the Middle Ages
and full on barbarity.

Renegade Eye shows a glimmer of promise here, but has missed the turn onto the road to success. Let me show how Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. can transform this bleeding heart NPR soundbyte into a Vision statement for Getting Rich Quick!

When a slave child has a slave doll to relate to;
When a child labourer has a doll which comes complete with a
sweatshop;
When a girl who has been genitally mutilated has a doll with mutilated
genitals;
and when a child 'bride' has a baby barbie doll dressed in white to relate
to;
And each bears the tag: "Manufactured by the Renegade Eye DollWorks Camp #6
100% bourgeoisie-free. Socialist-Made Socialist-Approved."
Then I shall be a happy Sellout Socialist who is happily "more equal" than all the others.

Renegade Eye: The socialist gig is a great front: Just declare a cultural revolution whenever you need slave labor. Develop a pull string so they can say Workers of the world unite! I'd market these on TV late at night for people to buy and send to repressed people in countries whose names we can't pronounce (You can buy a child bride a special doll for only 3 cents per day!) Use Sally Struthers if she hasn't exploded yet. Best yet, who'll know if you really sent them?

This could also be the basis for a great MLM/Home Party for suburban socialists. Your "party" hosts could blather on about whatever, Trot out some socialist hors doevres, and then rack up big orders for your sweatshop dolls. Now that's socialism.

GET RICH QUICK: Renting Negroes!

Start a Negro Rental Service.
Those wacky negros. Is there anything they can't do? And since we can't buy them anymore (supposedly), there's a big demand for rentals. Now you can turn the demand for America's favorite minority into a great business you can run from the other side of town. Or get ahead of the curve with a Latino Leasing, Temp-Iranians, Contract a Canuck, or Rent to Own an Asian Agency.

Who loves black people? Check out Sally & John. They love their black friends, who love them back.

[Check out damali's actual site, http://damaliayo.com/ and her myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/damaliayocds. After the rent-a-negro website, damali wrote the book, "how to rent a negro," elaborating on the concept. It is broken up into a section for potential renters and a section for potential rentals. you can find out more about her book on damaliayo.com as well. A good lesson in how to get a lot of mileage from a single joke.]

GET RICH QUICK: Sell Guinea Pig Costumes!

You think YOU have trouble coming up with a Halloween costume? Imagine how hard it is for Guinea Pigs! These little fellas have quite the identity conflict brewing anyway, since they're neither dago guineas nor are they pigs. You can make MILLIONS helping to add to the confusion, just like the creative folks have done over at Cuddly Cavies, where these fine creative designs are from. Cuddly Cavies. It's your online Guinea Pig Costume Superstore!

GET RICH QUICK: EZ TOYZ = EZ CASH!!!

Richard Quick, Esq. knows a winning, surefire, can't miss investment opportunity when he sees one, and EZ Toyz is a winner. Want proof? Just read this excerpt from their website:

Want to make $100,000+ a year?
An exciting investment opportunity for
entrepreneurs interested in making unlimited income distributing Licensed, Brand
Name products!
No Experience
Restock Profitable Accounts
Distribute
Licensed Products
Part-Time or Full-Time
Work From Home
No Overhead
Financial Opportunities
Long History of Success

Go to the EZ Toyz! website and delve deep into this moneymaker!

GET RICH QUICK: Sell Cute Lil Fetuses

If you could sell cute lil fetuses like the cute lil fetuses from FetusMart, I bet you'd GET RICH QUICK!

Lots of people are crazy about fetuses. They'll fight to the death to protect'm.

Others don't seem to get what the big fuss about fetuses is. They're all for flushing them.

If you decide to sell fetuses like those from FetusMart, I'd suggest you market to the former group, not the latter. You may want to use a playful marketing approach, like: "Hey, you love fetuses so much, how about buying a few?"


Consider charging a premium for the Ninja Fetus, since he comes with a sword.

GET RICH QUICK: Sell Republican Clothing!

Fishermen have a saying: "Fish where the fish are biting."

We millionaires also have a saying: "Sell where the money is."

It's only logical that if you want to make money selling clothing, sell good solid Republican clothing. Liberal's clothing budgets are ridiculously small, since, when it comes to spending, clothing and hygiene products lose out to priority budget items such as illicit drugs, skim soy lattes & abortions.

Sell Republican Clothing and make a bundle like the enterprising right wing retailers at RightWingClothing.Com.

GET RICH QUICK: Spread the word of Cheezus!

Help others find Cheezus and rack up divine riches: as a sales rep for Cheezus Industries, the international distributor of premium quality, religious-themed cheese sculptures.

This is truly a way for you to do well by doing good. You'll not only lead lost sheep to the heavenly cheese spread that can resurrect the dullest parties, but you'll receive a handsome reward for every sales convert!

With Cheezus on your side, how can you lose?

Get Rich Quick: Start a Christian Dollar Store!

Like you, I'm a sucker for bargains. Unlike you, I'm a major shareholder in WAL MART, a billionaire (multi-millionaire to the IRS) and have an entire research company to evaluate my crackpot ideas at my whim. So I ran a couple of value-store ideas up the flagpole at Quick Reasearch Group to see how viable they would be.

My first idea was a bargain store for the ultra-wealthy called Everything's-A-Million! Cars, planes, boats, trophy wives... it would all be there, and all priced at $1 Million even. The research came back unconclusive, so we're still fine-tuning the concept.

The second idea was an immediate winner: The Christian dollar store. The research group said that my original idea was brilliant (of course) and that the concept had a nearly 100% likelihood of success, supported by the fact that ChristianDollarStore.Com was already doing it.

So we decided to create a manufacturing company to produce Christian "trinket and trash (as we affectionately refer to our divine product line). So now you can GET RICH QUICK! selling quality Christian products like Bible tins with cross-shaped mints, American "Fish Flag" pins (pictured), Tangy scripture candy, and t-shirts that read "Jesus. Sweet Savior. King of Kings" designed to look like the Reeses Peanut Butter Cups logo... And I'll get even richer selling you garageloads of the stuff!

GET RICH QUICK: With Gwen's Secret AutoErotic Asphyxia Home Parties!

AutoErotic Asphyxia is the latest craze sweeping the nation, especially among the lucrative demographic of credit-card debt laden wine swilling divorced disillusioned and despondent democratic housewives who realize their lives are just plain going nowhere. But there's a problem: where do you find the right accessories, the ones that are both functional and stylish? And who can show them how to use them?

The short answer: YOU. That's right. You. You can be a Gwen's Secret Hostess, hosting your own in-home parties, selling the chic new scarves and accessories in a dizzying array of styles and colors. And best yet, your secret will be that while the girls are "tying one on" at your home party, your boyfriend can be burglarizing their unattended homes.

Don't worry. They're insured!

Learn Gwen's Secret at her website.

GET RICH QUICK: Sell "Hammies" The Bengal Burgers

My God, this Gwen Hammond is on fire! The entrepreneurial ideas and business developments emerging from Hammond Corporation of late are amazing! I haven't been this proud of Gwenny since she sucker-punched Martha Stewart for sneezing into her Hammond Scarf.

Well, give your neighbors in the trailer park something exotic to grill this summer rather than the same old burgers, hotdogs and roadkilled possum. Through the Hammond Home parties program, you can sell frozen endangered meats to your friends and neighbors and make a killing in no time. As Gwen loves to say (when drunk): They'll scarf them up!

Learn more at Gwen Hammond's Upper Echelon.

MultiFamily Chateau: Rendition Ready!

It's time to get your real estate career Iraq'n Rolling with this one-of-kind property from Greenline Real Estate, a (Quick &) Hammond Company. This luxury Chateau is 100% insurgent-free, and is perfectly suited for multiple families. Amenities include fortified sniper perch and pre-pitted exterior AND interior walls. The extraordinary rendition chamber is completely soundproof with a discrete, unlit rear door, making extra rental income generation a no-brainer!

Call soon, because this bargain could disappear at any moment!

PROPERTY 2:
Gorgeous 2 story, 4 bedroom Iraqi chateau in the Aswah-Hedelfah neighborhood of quaint, historic Olde Al-Mansur.
Category - house/compound
Grave type - medium to shallow
Address - Located near Al-Mansur, Iraq
For Sale/Rent by - Green Line Real Estate
Construction Year - n/a
Reason for selling - Classified
AMENITIES: Mudbrick walls 4 bedrooms elec. and water currently avail. Quiet, increasingly spacious street Extraordinary rendition chamber is soundproof with private access fortified sniper perch with magnificent view 100% insurgent-free

Property Listings are courtesy Greenline Real Estate, a (Quick &) Hammond Company. Not affiliated with the U.S. Government, Central Intelligence Agency or affiliates.

GET RICH QUICK: Sell slightly war-torn real estate!

Thanks to the new Green Line Real Estate Co., the dinar bell is ringing!

When life hands you lemons, do you make lemonade?

Is that bombed out crater half empty, or half full?

How you answer these questions may well determine whether you have the positive, wealth-building mindset it takes to GET RICH QUICK! in wartime real estate speculation, or whether you’ll continue to be a disappointment to your family and friends. If you answered 1) lemonade and 2) half full to the questions above, in that order, read on! You have what it takes to Get Rich Quick! from the new real estate opportunities of GREEN LINE REAL ESTATE CO., a (Quick &) Hammond Enterprise.

Since you have passed our initial screening, (and believe us, few make it this far. You are special!) we will now give you access to the top secret real estate tips that will make you as rich as a Halliburton. The tip of the week is: Ramadi. (No, not Ramada. Ramadi. )

Ramadi is an increasingly spacious town located just 110 kilometres west of Baghdad in Iraq's largest province. While some look at Ramadi and see a stronghold of insurgent forces and Islamic extremists, such as Abu Musab al-Zarqawi’s al-Qaeda group, and one of the most dangerous cities in the country, smart buyers like you see real estate bargains galore, where every building two-stories and taller with an accessible rooftop can generate lucrative rental income as sniper lookouts.

Real estate prices have fallen by 40 per cent over the last six months in Ramadi. 300-square metre houses which previously sold for about 100 million Iraqi dinars (about 67,800 US dollars) are now going for about 60 million dinars. Why? Because the residents don’t have your “millionaire mindset.” Ismael al-Dulaimi, a 38-year-old who owns or leases nearly 20 properties, recently said he is packing up and moving to Baghdad "so that my children can live a relatively normal life away from daily violence and terror." Just to get out of the city, Dulaimi sold the lease on 15 shops for a total of only seven million dinars (4,700 dollars) even though the 25-year arrangement was worth 15 million dinars. al-Dulaimi will never Get Rich Quick! In real estate with that outlook… but you can!
You’re the kind of person that, when life hands you ammonium nitrate and diesel fuel, you make something special out of it. And when Green Line Real Estate offers you the incredible investment properties we’ve listed below… it’s time for you to make a killing.

Exclusive Green Line Real Estate Property Listings for RAMADI, IRAQ:

PROPERTY 1:
Secure and secluded valley location full of breathtaking views, surrounded by manned watch-towers and minefields for your ultimate protection!
Category - lots/land
Address - Ramadi, Iraq
For Sale/Rent by - Green Line Real Estate
Construction Year - n/a
Area - 22,000 m2
AMENITIES: Mountain View Electric and water currently available Rock garden (native limestone!) Attached bunker
NOTES: Highly motivated sellers (deceased)

GET RICH QUICK: Sell FUELISH! The Top Secret Gas Booster!

Wanna get rich? Then get FUELISH!

FUELISH! is the top secret gasoline booster pill that can increase fuel efficiency and mileage 50% OR MORE while actually REDUCING EMISSIONS (so take that you tree hugging vegenazis!) Think of FUELISH! as steroids for your gas tank. And now, through an exclusive top secret program developed by QuickTech Labs, you can get as fat and rich as Lee Iaococa... by selling secret FUELISH! products to your friends and neighbors!

Through the FUELISH! investor program, you'll be richer than the neighborhood crack dealer... only without the funny clothes, late hours and jail time. Your friends and neighbors will love you because they won't have to eat macaroni & cheese every night while their SUV is suck'n down filet mignon. They'll be lined up at your back door with their money waving, begging you to let them score some of your FUELISH! top secret gas enhancement pills.

Richard Quick, Esq. and QuickTech Labs are offering this exclusive dealership opportunity to a limited number of savvy entrepreneurs who aren't afraid to invest in a sure thing, and, most importantly, know how to keep a secret. The major oil companies don't want word getting out about FUELISH! the top secret gas booster for obvious reasons, so be sure not to mention it to anyone except paying customers, especially local law enforcement, your brother-in-law the mechanic, the EPA or consumer and anti-fraud groups, the other overly serious & squealers.

Sign up for Richard Quick, Esq.'s Get Rich Quick! wealth-building newsletter for details!
Sign up for Get Rich Quick! the Newsletter and you'll Get Rich Quick! Guaranteed!

Sell HandJobs

Become a Hand Job Wax distributer and Get Rich Quick!

Learn more at Hand Job Wax.

Open a Gun Store Tattoo Parlor

Just be sure your tattoo artist is very good and your customer service is top notch.

GET RICH QUICK: Open a Betty Davis BBQ Shop!

After being disillusioned with the Hollywood scene and the lack of serious roles for women, Bette Davis changed her name back to its original spelling, returned to her home in Mississippi and to her first love: BBQ.

Now you can become a star by delighting your town with the two great taste that taste great together.

GET RICH QUICK: The Happy Hooker Bait Shop

As an owner of a Happy Hooker Bait Shop franchise, you'll be privvy to the many secrets to our success. And best yet: you won't have to sell bait!

GET RICH QUICK: The Big Green Mystical Ball

I travelled the globe, sometimes in very primitive conditions with only luxury accomodations and twin supermodels to console me, in order to find - for you - the world's most amazing business opportunities. Your wealth was my only concern. And let me tell you, from the golden towers of Khartoum to diamond mines of Siam, I saw nothing more amazing - nor more a powerful engine for wealth creation - than the Big Green Mystical Ball.

It will change your life and, in doing so, blow your mind. So use it with caution. And use only as directed.

Keep Gonig

GET RICH QUICK: Open a Dangerous Animal Petting Zoo

Funny, but true, story: We actually opened our first DAPZY's! Dangerous Animal Petting Zoo in order to drum up business for some of our other concepts (LEND A HAND Rent-to-Own Prosthetics, Out on a Limb Prosthetics to Go! and THE SECOND HAND STORE Slightly used Limbs) But it was so successful, we now offer it as a stand-alone franchise!

Experience growth in the double digits... As the owner of the DAPZY's! Dangerous Animal Petting Zoo in your town!

GET RICH QUICK: Open a Squat 'N Gobble franchise!

First came the Squat franchise which was an overnight success. Then we met the need for high quality gobbling with the Gobble franchise, which rivaled Squat with its meteoric rise in popularity. And now, we've outdone ourselves once again by combining two of the hottest names in franchising into one incredible opportunity:

The Squat 'n Gobble Franchise!

While there's no such thing as a sure thing, there's no doubt you'll soon be Squat 'n Gobbling all the way to the bank... Guaran-damn-teed!


JUST IMAGINE HOW PROUD YOU'LL FEEL TELLING YOUR FAVORITE OFFSPRING "SOMEDAY, SON, THE SQUAT 'N GOBBLE WILL BE YOURS!" And feel how good it will be to tell the rest of the lazy slackers: "Have fun with your video games, and rap music and books, because you'll never see a dime from the Squat 'N Gobble. And neither will your drunken tramp of a mother!"

GET RICH QUICK: Open a San Francisco Sausage Co. Franchise

Quick Research Group identified this successful Old World concept and test marketed it in focus groups in markets across the nation. The sign & brand image scored very high in the San Francisco and Key West Markets. So we are relainching it with the same signage under the name San Francisco Sausage Co. It may be co-branded with our concept THE FUDGE PACKERY which features young workers singing show tunes (with the humorous fudge-related lyrics) while they mix and pack fresh fudge on-site, in view of the customer.

Get Rich Quick: Sell Snake Penis Capsules Medicine

A great man once said: If you want to be rich, you must set your own course. When others zig, you must zag. When others zag, get ziggy.

That great man, my students of wealth-building, was me.

So while others waste their time selling products people want and providing services people need, you must take the road less travelled or, in fact, not travelled at all.

Sell Snake Penis Capsules Medicine. It is your destiny.

GET RICH QUICK: Open an Alter Ego Rehabilitation Clinic

Dr. Jess is one of the foremost Alter Ego Rehabilitation specialists in the BlogoShere, having personally counselled many high profile alter egos including Fast Food Poet Angus O'Mann, Heiress and Scarf Mogel Gwen Hammond, Intergalactic gadabout Captain Berk, and international spiritual leader and founder of the Morrism Movement, Old Man Morri.

Now Dr. Jess's proprietary system for curing those with too many personalities and too much money is an exciting business opportunity... through the Simpson Alter Ego Rehabilitation Center franchise. Just look around your neighborhood to see all the undiagnosed and untreated fictional alter egos: compassionate republicans, the caring, concerned Christians, and the committed liberals with an action plan for change should fill your facility to capacity in no time!

[Photo Credit: Dr. Jess. From the Simpson Foundation Collection]

[NOTE: Tabloid assertions that the intermittent, torrid and highly publicized love affair between Dr. Jess and Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. began when Mr. Quick was a patient at Ms. Jess's rehab hospital are unsubstantiated and litigious. The very act of thinking about these rumors, much less discussing them aloud, could result in your being named in the upcoming lawsuit. General Counsel, Law Firm of Quick, Duhk & Hyde]

Richard Quick, Esq. announces the formation of the NAAWP

DATELINE: TODAY - The Veranda

Richard Quick, Esq. announced today that he has begun to lay the groundwork for what will be the world's largest and most progressive non-profit organization dedicated to the protection and preservation of the rights of the wealthiest 5% of our country, and to celebrate the ongoing contributions these individuals have made to progress and the American way of life. The organization is to be called the National Association for the Advancement of Wealthy People, or N.A.A.W.P..

It seems that, right off the bat, there is some group trying to emulate Quick's group with a copycat name, calling their group the N.A.A.C.P. (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People." How racially insensitive a name is that?) Richard Quick, Esq. has contacted this group and notified them that he will allow their continued use conditionally, as long as they include a disclaimer ("Not affiliated with the National Association For the Advancement of Wealthy People.") in all their communications.

No reply has been received as of yet. Stay tuned.

Get Rich Quick: Mooncake, Meatfloss & CuttleFish Franchise

Open a Bee Cheng Hiang bakkwa restaurant right in your subdivision and Get Rich Quick!

The Bee Cheng Hiang business-format franchise incorporates the Bee Cheng Hiang trademark and products. Their main product range includes bakkwa (barbecued meat), meat floss, chinese sausages, mooncakes and snacks (cuttlefish).

Learn more at the Bee Cheng Hiang webpage:

Get Rich Quick: Become a Lip Balm Addiction Counselor

This is a serious addiction sweeping the nation. And contrary to the sterotypes, this is not simply a disease which afflicts skidrow chaps and competitive skiiers.

Learn more by clicking here!

RETURN TO GET RICH QUICK! HOME

Own your own business. Be your own boss. work from home. Own a franchise. franchise your business. Make MLM multilevel marketing millions and entrepreneurial business billions with the ideas of Richard Quick, Esq., America's most beloved and trusted millionaire and the world's foremost expert on talking about wealth.

Get Rich Quick: Sell Doggy EyeWear!

What are Doggles(R)? Goggles for dogs, of course! Unlike ordinary sunglasses for dogs, Doggles actually protect dog’s eyes from foreign objects, wind, and UV light.

Doggles has a website at, you guessed it, doggles.com and a wholesale inquiry form for those interested in helping to "keep the world safe... one dog at a time!"

Photograph is the property of Doggles

Sell Immortality. That's right. IMMORTALITY!

A key to Getting Rich Quick! is having a product with instant appeal... one that's always in demand.

A product like, say, eternal life.

Sell immortality with Alex Chiu's Eternal Life Device! Become an affiliate reseller of visionary and genius Alex Chiu's fast-selling products, including his Eternal Life Device, and products Gorgeouspil, and Chi Flush.

Tell Alex that his buddy Richard Quick, Esq. sent you, and you'll be his friend for life. With Alex, that's a long time!

Sell Peace of Mind!

Sell Peace of Mind with an AFDB franchise! According to the website, "An Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie (AFDB) is a type of headwear that can shield your brain from most electromagnetic psychotronic mind control carriers." Do not wear when visiting my site.

Tell'em Richard Quick, Esq. sent you and ask for your complimentary foil gift.

Get Rich Quick: Sell Child Confinement & Transport Products

For instance, you could Become a BabyCage Distributor.

Not only will you make piles of cash, you'll be helping to form tomorrow's docile, housebroken consumers and voters.

Get Rich Quick: Start your own Pet Island!

Start your own Pet Island! Dog Island is a tropical success story, but there's a lot of room in the growing pet resort industry. For instance, no one has seized the low-cost tier of pet vacation spots. Parrot Apartment? Boxer Basement? Kitty Warehouse?

Get Rich Quick: Start your own Pet Island!

Start your own Pet Island! Dog Island is a tropical success story, but there's a lot of room in the growing pet resort industry. For instance, no one has seized the low-cost tier of pet vacation spots. Parrot Apartment? Boxer Basement? Kitty Warehouse?

Get Rich Quick: Open a Male Pregnancy Clinic.

Open a Male Pregnancy Clinic. At last, technology has made the genders equal, and eliminated nature's liberal, feminist bias.

Don't forget to tell'm Dick Quick sent you!

Get Rich Quick: Start a Home Lasik Surgery Center!

Turn that spare bedroom into a Home Lasik Surgery Center!

Buy one of these special kits and you can laser-correct your own eyeballs, then offer the popular surgery to friends and family at a fraction of what hospitals and medical doctors charge.

Sell Fashionable Male Lipstick

People will be kissing up to you for a change when you are at the forefront of the cosmetic trend now sweeping Paris, San Francisco and Ernie's All-NITE Truckstop on I-80.

Sell Shades, the Lipstick for Men. Create a compelling line of shades that set of the natural contours of the male face, and you can kiss your money troubles behind.

Get Rich Quick: Sell Shards O'Glass Freeze Pops

You know that Richard Quick, Esq. is the nation's #1 expert on speaking about wealth-building, millionaire making and billionaire building. I am searching the world over to find the ideas, techniques and business opportunities that will enable YOU to live the life of your dreams, even if you have no special skills, work ethic, or a shred of common sense. If you are capable of sitting on a folding chair on one of my infomercials, and reading a testimonial from the teleprompter without asking any probing questions, you can be a millionaire like me.

Here's another great way you can Get Rich Quick:

Sell Shards O' Glass Freeze Pops Frozen treats are a hot market! But ice cream, frozen yogurt, and Italian Ice are past their prime. Get in on the trend toward glass-enriched frozen treats with Shards O' Glass Freeze Pops, the nation's top-selling frozen treats containing glass shards.

Some might say:
But Richard, aren't shards of glass bad for you? Of course they are!
Will people buy them? You BET they will!
Are they profitable? You have no idea, my friends.

So contact Shards O'Glass Freeze Pops to inquire about their independent home sales rep program, and don't forget to tell them Richard Quick, Esq. sent you!

Get Rich Quick: Import Minnesota Coconuts!

Import Gourmet Coconuts from Minnesota. Minnesota is the coconut capitol of the upper Midwest. Now you can get in on this pre-ground floor phenomenon and meet the need for high-quality Minnesota coconuts before there even IS a need! Don't hesitate, lest someone else become known as "Mr. Minnesota Coconut" in your town.

When you contact Donald Hoe at the Minnesota Coconut Growers Association, don't forget to tell'em Richard Quick, Esq. sent you.

Get Rich Quick: Sell your immortal soul!

While this isn't an optimal time for selling your soul (seems the market's a bit glutted), it could still provide the seed money you need to pursue some of my other Get Rich Quick! ventures.

WWYS (We Want Your Soul) at wewantyoursoul.com pays a competitive rate, even for those heavily leveraged Republican souls. Tell them Richard sent you, and ask for your free bonus gift!

Inspirational Quotes on Getting... and Being... Rich

On the Burdens of Being Rich.
"All but the hard hearted man must be torn with pity for this pathetic dilemma of the rich man, who has to keep the poor man just stout enough to do the work and just thin enough to have to do it." G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936) It's a daily challenge and, frankly, gets tiring. Thank god for fine scotch and full body massages.

"In Appalachia, children were stunted by poverty. In Affluencia, children are stunted by wealth." Steve Blow (Dallas Morning News, March 4, 2001) While Bono and movie stars are constantly shown boo-hooing about malnutrition, world hunger, blah blah blah, when was the last time the liberal media ran a story on the ravaging epidemic of Affluencia?

"The poor of the world cannot be made rich by redistribution of wealth. Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped poverty, taking their money and giving it as a reward to people who have failed to escape." P.J. O'Rourke Here, Here! But we are continually attacked by activist and liberal groups. Luckily, their members are mostly junior-college league lazy slackers without a pot to pee their Starbuck's-scented urine into.

"The contrast of affluence and wretchedness, continually meeting and offending the eye, is like the dead and living bodies, chained together." Tom Paine (1796) So true. There are many days that I walk amongst you people, feeling that I am chained to dead bodies I must drag along. But I do - without complaint - just like many of my affluent colleagues.

"Nature still obstinately refuses to co-operate by making the rich people innately superior to the poor people."Sidney and Beatrice Webb (1923) It's burdensome being superior. But don't worry. Nature will get what's coming to her.

"What's wrong with being rich in America?" Phil Gramm (former Texas Senator, July 14, 2000) Thank you, Phil. The truth is that we ultra-wealthy are often treated as if our success is something to be ashamed of. Why should we hide our wealth from anyone other than the IRS?

"I thought government was supposed to protect our property, not confiscate it, not penalize someone because they've been successful." Don Nickles (calling for repeal of the estate tax, 2000) Amen, brother!

"He who increases wealth increases worry." Talmud Few give us solace, credit or sympathy for the burden of worry we bear. The Jewish God who wrote the Talmud knows what I'm talking about.

"You have the pilots at your throat about vacation, that their wife is pregnant, why can't they have New Years Eve off? It's on and on and on." Arnold Schwarzenegger (discussing the trials of owning a Gulfstream jet). Everyone knows the trouble of not having money (well, most everyone), but few know the problems Arnold and I grapple with on a daily basis.

"It's not always the most popular person who gets the job done. " Gordon Gekko, in the movie "Wall Street" Being better than others can be very lonely at times.

"What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?" C. Montgomery Burns Luckily, most of the time it can.

"Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business." C. Montgomery Burns Fortunately, I didn't have to slay anything really important. Like, say, narcissism.

"You can be greedy and still feel good about yourself." Ivan Boesky (junk bond pioneer and self-help guru, 1986)

"[I]njustices survive, not merely because the rich exploit the poor, but because, in their hearts, too many of the poor admire the rich." R.H. Tawney If you don't think it's difficult being a role model and billionaire icon all the time, you should try it.

A Yearning for Earning.

"Money is my first, last, and only love." Armand Hammer (1898-1990)

"Money is the root of all good." T.J. Rodgers, chief executive of Cypress Semiconductors (2000)

"What's worth doing is worth doing for money." Gordon Gekko, in the movie "Wall Street"

"...Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of it's forms - greed for life, for money, knowledge - has marked the upward surge of mankind..." Gordon Gekko, in the movie "Wall Street"

"It's all about bucks, kid. The rest is conversation. " Gordon Gekko, in the movie "Wall Street"

"There's no nobility in poverty." Bud Fox in the movie "Wall Street"

Guilty as Charged!

"There are in the United States some few people richer than it is wholesome for people to be." Henry George (1890)

"Perhaps I am too cynical, but I believe there is a separate class of people in this country called Too Rich to Go to Prison." Molly Ivins I remember the day I was invited in to that class. A sweet memory indeed...

"Together the 400 richest Americans are worth more than $1 trillion. Just 400 people -- they could all stay at New York's Plaza Hotel at the same time -- are worth nearly one-eighth of the total gross domestic product of the United States, the world's richest economy." Holly Sklar (1999)


Miscellany of the profound and inspirational

"To suppose, as we all suppose, that we could be rich and not behave the way the rich behave, is like saying that we could drink all day and stay sober." L. P. Smith

"Wealth is the product of industry, ambition, character and untiring effort." Calvin Coolidge

"The properity of the lower and middle classes depends upon the good fortune and light taxes of the rich." Andrew Mellon (Treasury Secretary, 1921-1932)

"What I want to see above all is that this remains a country where someone can always get rich." Ronald Reagan

"Just give the great unwashed a pair of oversized breasts and a happy ending, and they'll 'oink' for more every time." C. Montgomery Burns

"Monday morning. Time to pay for your two days of debauchery, you hungover drones." C. Montgomery Burns

"Never tell the truth when a good lie'll do!" J.R. Ewing

[Some of these fine quotes were found on inequality.org RQ]

Gwen Hammond's Upper Echelon: On the Morality of Rational Self-Interest

Gwen Hammond's Upper Echelon: On the Morality of Rational Self-Interest
I still don't know what Artabilious means or what these two are talking about. (I may have mentioned that mother forbade us from having a vocabulary, as she said it was beneath our station). But I have to admit I get aroused when dear Gwennie goes on her tirades!

Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. named "Most Artabilious & Shallow"

THE VERANDA - FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

It was announced that the National Board of Human Excellence and esteemed blog Cafe Ambivalence has awarded its highest honor upon Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq., philanderopist and beloved wealth builder. At an online ceremony earlier today, National Board of Human Excellence President Dr. Severenz named the beloved Quick the "Most Artabilious and Shallow," its most coveted award.

Quick's publicist released a prepared statement stating that, while the Millionaire had no idea what "Artabilious," means, has never heard of the National Board of Human Excellence nor Cafe Ambivalence, and doesn't know if Dr. Severenz is a "real" doctor, he was very honored nonetheless to accept this honor on behalf of humanity and wealthy people everywhere.

This award brings the number of awards and honorary degrees bestowed upon Richard Quick, Esq. and his blog, Get Rich Quick, to one.

NOTE TO LITERATE VISITORS: Please see the Dr. Severenz' award speech by clicking here. If you can even remotely explain what he is saying, please post it as a comment below. Richard will reward you handsomely.

Awards & Accolades for Richard Quick, Esq.'s "Get Rich Quick!"

As of June 7, 2006, Richard Quick, Esq.'s "Get Rich Quick!" blog has received the following Awards & Accolades:


Award: Bestowed by:

"Most Artabilious & Shallow" National Board of Human Excellence
"2006 HUBRIS AWARD" Cafe Ambivalence



Check back regularly for frequent updates to this list!

"This Just In... Your Blog Sucks"

The majority of blogs are pretentious, self-absorbed exercises in unwarranted egotism written by uninteresting people who somehow think the world is circled around, eager to read the uninteresting and unoriginal things they have to say.

Take, for instance, This Just in... Your Blog Sucks. Its stated purpose:

The goal of this blog is to give shitty writers the "green
light" to stop blogging and kill themselves and save the rest of the world
from being contaminated by their stupidity. Got a recommendation?

In fact, I do have a recommendation: Stop blogging. This guy, called "Who's your Daddy," screwed up a perfectly good idea - attacking shit blogs - by being a moron. So I gave him some recommendations of blogs to attack.

Real Headlines, Our News Take Should be renamed: Real headlines, inane, adolescent comments

Pissing and Moaning Reading this blog is like carpooling with a guy who loves to tell you about his bad case of diarrhea... every morning.

Chicago Bear Outsiders He's an outsider from more than the Bears.

Go Out Cheap in Bloomington, IL Diary of the creep eating alone at the next booth, writing reviews of his chalupa on his napkin, as if anyone anyone cares which coupon is his favorite or the sparkling bouquet of his Mountain Dew.

Local Bar and Restraunt Specials A vital and important blog. Because the world is eager for the dining opinions of someone who can't spell "restaurant."

I wonder how many of these he'll choose to disparage. Because he "writes" them all.

One thing is clear: After this stinging indictment, he'll think twice about attacking Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.!!!

READ his pathetic attempt to disparage this great man.

Another loser attacks RQ... and no one notices.

I guess I was insulted by some moron with a blog called This Just In... Your Blog Sucks.

The insult came back on March 9, 2006 but no one visits any of this guy's 20 pathetic blogs, which are in various states of abandon. I just noticed it when one of my servants handed me a list of the thousands of mentions of me there are on the Internet. This Just In... Your Blog Sucks showed up on the "Not worth viewing... pathetic losers" page.

The guy named Whosyourdaddy wrote this whole horrendous story back on March 9, trying to be clever, and absolutely no one even noticed.

Truth is, I thought: This Just In... Your Blog Sucks is a cool idea... a blog that disparages others, rips them to shreds... wish I thought of that!

Then I read another of his blogs, one about cheap eats in Bloomington "I'd rather die than live there" IL. These just made me sad.

Poor pathetic loser. If I were capable of pity, I'd heap some on this schmuck.

He actually writes a review of Quizno's as if its Chez Richard. He actually posts, in public, embarrassing lines like:

I love Quizno's. I recently moved to Morton just so I could be near one.
Bread - good. Meat - good. Sauce - good. Pepper bar - GOOOOOOOOOD!

After his $2 coupon, Quizno's still is an extravagent splurge:

OK, I love the place but $6 plus for a sammich (even with chips
and a drink) is too much for lunch.The sandwich itself was outstanding. The
main complaint I had was that the Diet Pepsi dispenser fizzes up so much you get
like half a cup once the foam subsides.

Oh My God, that's not enough. He adds this expert tip:

Tip: Sign up for Quizno's newsletter. Each month they send out an e-mail and you
can print coupons directly off of their website (link in the newsletter). My
favorite coupon is a buy one get one free which is good after 3pm on weekdays,
and all the time on weekends. You can get two subs, two chips, and two drinks
for less than $10 when using it. That's a good, cheap lunch or dinner for two
people.
I would feel guilty making fun of this guy because the retarded are off limits even for RQ, but the fact that he has a site called This Just In... Your Blog Sucks is a mitigating factor.

Not to mention he dared to take a run at me. ME?!

Even more ways to Get Rich Quick!

Become a Deep Discount Travel Agent!
Khartoum under $350? Manila under $400? Lagos under $400? Addis Adeba under $450? If it sounds too good to be true, that's because it is! As a Lufthansa Deportation Class representative, you'll offer specially priced low fares from North America or Europe to destinations exotic locations such as Tunis, Damascus, Jakarta, Alma Ata, Harare, Lima, Quito and more. Check it out at the Lufthansa Deportation Class website.

Richard Quick offers name infringement amnesty; "RICHARD QUICKS": CHOOSE YOUR NEW NAME!

I have sent cease & desist requests to the large number of individuals who are currently using my name, Richard Quick. I am flattered, but it must stop. I am sending them an amnesty offer that they must change their names immediately or risk the legal wrath of the Law Firm of Quick, Duhk, & Hyde.

But being a kind and benevolent millionaire, I am using some of my undocumented computer lackies to come up with a list of alternative, computer generated subsitutes for "Richard Quick." Richard Quick Wannabees: Please reserve your name of choice by leaving a comment or contacting me (richardquickesq@yahoo.com). These names will be allocated on a first come, first serve basis.

I have a feeling Captain Morty Flint will be going fast!

QUIRI WILON of the Planet Vioxx
(compliments of the Jedi Name Generator)

Richirude kuikuku
(compliments of the Japanese Name Generator)

Zuwadza
(compliments of the Louis Farrakhan African Name Generator)

Aku Bolkiah, a general auditor of the Standard Bank of South Africa
(compliments of the Scammer Name Generator)

Maharaja of Wickedness (Known in some parts of the world as: Shiva of The Cursed)
(compliments of the Vampire Name Generator)

Fire Icefrost
(compliments of the Fairy Name Generator)

Cold G-Ride Bouncer
(compliments of the Gangsta Name Generator)

Golden Brown Richard Dogg
(compliments of the Pimp Name Generator)

Captain Morty Flint
(compliments of the Pirate Name Generator)

BIG CONGO
(compliments of the Reggae Name Generator)


"Richard Quicks" contacted thus far:
Website designer Richard Quick (richardquickdesign.com)
Forest Service Richard Quick (http://www.srs.fs.usda.gov/staff/49)
Photographer Richard Quick (beautiful photography http://www.rquickphotography.com/)
Mathematician Richard Quick
Coil inventor Richard Quick
Email Expert Richard Quick
Cat Products merchant Richard Quick (catetc.com)
Detroit Board of Education Richard Quick
(http://isd.ingham.k12.mi.us/~webmacul/sigs/sigweb.html)
Visionary Richard Quick (http://www.wolfvisions.com)

Richard Quick, Esq.: Identity Theft Victim?

My dear wealth-building disciples:

Incredible wealth, fame and success does have its drawbacks at times. One of the unfortunate side effects is that dozens of, in my case, Richard Quick, Esq. wannabees are constantly trying to ride the coattails of my success by using my name. Some are swimming coaches, scientists, electrical engineers, web designers... men who should rely on their acheivements and accomplishments and not trying to crowd under the umbrella of the one true Richard Quick, Esq.: Richard Quick, Esq.

One such "Richard" has launched an amusing little blog called BBC Spelling Watch, in which he points out and ridicules the spelling errors on the BBC's website, proving that he has as much time to waste pursuing snickers from strangers as I and that he is willing to do so. I respect that. And while he has violated my sacred name by using it (I suppose he'll claim he's had it since birth, that he's published books or is a successful web designer or some nonsense), I feel sorry for him as it appears he is British. And if he in fact is a web designer, he is most likely in awe of my esthetically unequalled blog, and is simply compelled to somehow touch my robe.

Testimonials

 

Praise for Richard Quick, Esq.

Here's what some of the most respected figures of our time have to say about Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.

JUST SAY GNOME! Sign GnomeWatch's Magic Fence Initiative and send undocumented lawnworkers gnome!

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There's a predator lurking beneath your shrubbery. In your garden. Behind your mirrored ball or spinning plastic daisy. And unlike the enemies we've faced in the past, these predators have magic powers. More than 1 million of these "undocumented" (read: illegal) lawn workers are sneaking across our borders each year, some cloaking themselves in "fairy dust," some accompanied by plastic and/or ceramic vermin-carrying animals. Meanwhile, the unemployment lines are swelling with American-born yard sheep, concrete bunnies & toadstools, kissing frogs, and "Life's a Garden: Dig It!" signs who have been replaced by these foreign atheist criminal wiccan liberal gnomads.

Support the efforts of GNOMEWATCH INTERNATIONAL by adding your comments below, demanding a 2 1/2 foot magic fence, impervious to witchcraft and fairy dust, be built around the entire continental United States, Hawaii and Alaska (where they've seized an entire city). QUICKCO Impervious Magic Fence Corporation (a Richard Quick, Esq. Company), the only approved government vendor of Elf-and Spell-Resistent Fencing, will generously donate the fencing materials for the Northern Idaho/Canadian border.

LEAVE A COMMENT AND JUST SAY GNOME!!!