Thursday, November 30, 2006

Useless Men Praise Richard Quick, Esq.'s GET RICH QUICK!

I love being a source of inspiration to the salt of the earth, the little, useless people I see scurrying like ants below my skyscraper window, or from the window of my plane, or through the window of my Porsche as I tear through their neighborhoods. So I'm glad when I can leave some useless people tongue-tied and awed.

I am speaking, of course, of the bloggers at Useless Advice from Useless Men who paid tribute to yours truly with a long and incomprehensible (but endearing) blog entry today. They were addressing the question of which of my 101+ Ways to GET RICH QUICK! were best for the average, useless person.

I could only make out the meaning of some of the text, as it appears to be written in Canadian, and I didn't want to interrupt my Canuck interpreter, Olaf, as he was busy clubbing the baby seals for dinner. But what I made out was:

1) My net worth is more than everyone's that they know, or have ever come in contact with, combined.
2) They couldn't choose just one of the 101+ Ways to GET RICH QUICK! because they are all so brilliant and inspiring
3) Somebody put something in the one guy's taco, perhaps a hallucinogenic substance
4) The writer concluded: "I think the best way to get... Rich Quick, is by subscribing to your free newsletter"

I believe that last point was an excellent, excellent observation, even by non-Canadian standards. Wealthbuilding is a journey, and requires a continual investment of time and purchases. So sign up for the GET RICH QUICK! newsletter right now.

I think we've learned an important lesson from the Useless Men today, and that lesson is: No one is truly useless, for great fortunes are made by pooling the resources of the many for the benefit of the few, the great, the truly deserving.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Sell DIY Drunk Tests

[Illustration courtesy MoHDI]

Drunk Driving is a serious problem in our society, ruining countless lives and blah blah blah.

But how can you tell when you're too drunk to drive? Up until now, your only option was to swerve into the path of a police cruiser, grind to a sudden halt, then loudly request a Breathalizer test before you're gunned down... not a great option.

But now, thanks to the great minds at Millions of Hundred Dollar Ideas, problem drinkers and hardcore alcoholics alike can perform a self-test using Do-it-Yourself Drunk Test Flashcards. As the MoHDI engineers describe it: have a deck of fifty-two cards, with a photo of a lady printed on the
face of them. These ladies range from being moderately attractive to very ugly.
You pull one of the cards, look at the woman on the card, and decide if you
think that she is attractive or not...

In other words: Would you? or Wouldn't you?
...Then you flip over the card, and see what it says. The reverse side of the card
has a number in a scale of its own printed on it, essentially in inverse
proportion to your own “One to Ten” scale. Thus, the moderately good-looking
lady would be a “one”, and the horribly-disfigured lady would be a “ten”. It
operates on the basis of beer goggles: the drunker you are, the lower your
threshold of standards of beauty becomes, so when you’re looking at a card and
you’re like,”That is one fiiiiine lookin’ lady! I wish she was sittin’ on this
here barstool right next to me!” and then you flip it over and it reads “Nine”,
you’ll be all like “Woah, I’m nine out of ten drunk! I should get the hell on
out of here!” There’ll be a series that depicts dudes as well, for those people
that prefer dudes over ladies.

As a DIY Drunk Test franchisee, you'll establish a "downline" distributor network that can include bartenders, liquor store clerks, AA members and dedicated drinkers. We're looking for ambitious individuals with years of drinking and cavorting experience in a variety of venues. DUIs a plus. Business experience is not necessary. Some non-maxxed credit cards and liver a must.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Useless Men to Celebrate Millionaire Richard Quick's 101 Ways to Get Rich Quick! list

I teach my wealth-building students that "The key to success is honesty. Once you can fake that, the rest is easy."

So few embrace this simple principle! It is the curse of a man of my standing to be surrounded by a sea of useless men spouting uninformed, useless advice to the moronic, undeserving, useless masses.

So what a breath of fresh air to come across admittedly useless men spewing admittedly useless advice! I speak, of course, of the Useless Men at Useless Advice From Useless Men.

Nay... more than admit uselessness, these useless men celebrate their uselessness. They parade their lack of utility as a badge of honor! And so they should. Martin Luther King, a man for whom many streets (filled with many useless men) are named and a credit to his normally useless kind, said:
If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as
Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven and earth will pause
to say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well.

And verily I say unto you, in the words of Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.:

If a man is called to be useless, he should be useless even as
J.P. Morgan connived, or Rockefeller bullied, or Gecko liquidated.
He should be so useless - and the advice that he so freely spews forth should be so useless - that all the host of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a man with no usefulness at all, with no useful advice to share, who did his job well.

And soon these Useless Men will provide Useless Advice regarding which of my 101 Ways to Get Rich Quick! will get the average person 1) Richest, 2) Quickest, and 3) Rich Quickest.

How nice it will be to be able to entertain the heavy traffic of useless visitors that will stream forth from their useless site without having to go through the pretense that their advice, or their very existence, is useful in the least.

Go, gentle visitor, seeker of the trivial and useless. Go and visit Useless Advice From Useless Men. Ask them useless questions, and embrace their useless guidance. And shoot me an email when they post their advice regarding my 101 Ways to Get Rich Quick!

Not that it matters to me.

Americans love their pets more than they love each other!

[Photo Credit: MoHDI]

Americans love their pets!

Did you know that 63% of all households have at least one pet? That's 69.1 million homes! And 43% have more than one pet!

43.5 million households have a doggy or two, followed by 37.7 million families with cats!

Americans spend BIG on their pets

For 2006, it estimated that Americans will spend $38.4 billion on Woofy and Tinkerbell! They'll spend $15.2 billion on food, $9.4 billion on Vet Care, $9.3 billion on supplies/OTC medicine, $1.8 billion on live animal purchases, and $2.7 billion on Grooming & Boarding.

Americans love their pets more than they love other Americans!
To truly understand the magnitude of the American love affair with Max, Sam, Lady, Bear & Smoky**, consider that 37 million Americans live in poverty. Americans could use the money they spend yearly on pets to transform every poor person in America into a multimillionaire*, but they choose, instead, to spend it on Shadow, Kitty, Molly, Buddy & Brandy***, which is cool with me. I'm as indifferent to the poor as the next guy (you). I'm just saying that some people might say that that money would be better spent on distributing Get Rich Quick! 99 Businesses you can start from the Hood DVD and audio programs to the poor, plus have one hell of a Korean BBQ (with Ginger, Baby, Misty, Missy, & Pepper**** as the guests of honor) that would unify us as a nation, and heal this rumored economic divide.

However, I do believe we have an obligation to use our vast Pet resources to help one beleaguered and neglected group that needs our help: The American Advertiser.

An Opportunity to Do (VERY) Well While Doing Good!
The American Advertiser has been trampled by TIVO, ravaged by the Remote and played for a chump by those who consciously ignore their product placements in tv shows and movies. They've done so much for you... now you can answer their cry for help AND get filthy rich in the process! That's right! You can build the moneymaking empire you've always dreamed of by seizing the untapped advertising potential of America's pet population, and meeting the demands of the American Advertiser.

Introducing the AdverPets Franchise Program!
QuickCo Enterprises' EnviroAd Division is pleased to announce the first joint venture franchise opportunity with its IdeaPartner MoHDI (Millions of Hundred Dollar Ideas)****: ADVERPETS.

Yes, the AdverPets franchise is your opportunity to join the glamorous gazillion-dollar advertising industry by matching up cash-rich advertisers with your own mammalian media network. Don't have business experience? Life experience? A clue? Don't worry! As long as you meet our EZ Qualification criteria, we'll provide the rest!

AdverPets. Selected by as a top franchise to "keep an eye on" for 2007!


Pet statistics courtesy APPMA.
Poor People statistics from Wikipedia.
* By investing $1000 per year, per poor person, in Millionaire Richard Quick's GET RICH QUICK! Wealth Building and Millionaire Mindset programs each would become a multi-millionaire... Guaranteed!
**The five most popular pet names
***The next five most popular pet names
****The next five most popular pet names
*****Pending notification and approval of MoHDI. This post in no way infers an endorsement, collusion or even awareness by MoHDI, which appears to be an actual and legitimate enterprise and therefore has little in common with QuickCo.

Monday, November 27, 2006

GET RICH QUICK: Start a Band called Sand Dollar

Here's an idea I stole from the talented entrepreneurs over at Millions of Hundred Dollar Ideas who stole it from the window of Beulahland in Portland.

Start a band called Sand Dollar or Sand Dollars. Acheive both artistic and popular acclaim, then call me right before signing with a major record label. I'll represent you in all your business dealings for a modest percentage, and make sure you end up on VH1's "Behind the Music" with the same success story retold by countless big stars, from Billy Joel to the Turtles. And I'll put aside a few hundred to send to Millions of Hundred Dollar Ideas and the original poster-maker.

Why such generosity? Hey, that's good karma... and that's how I roll...

See you on the veranda... RQ

Monday, November 20, 2006

Richard Quick Saves KFC! Puts Ad on the Moon!

I could brag about once again saving a major, multi-national corporation from disaster.

I could point out that I have just made history by turning the Moon into the largest, most effective advertising medium the world has ever known.

But those who know me know that Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. is not one to toot his own horn. I'm too modest for that.

So I'll let this post on the internationally acclaimed news site FRANWORST tell the whole complimentary story.


Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A sentimental moment from the George Bush family photo library

You know it's all the fashion now to bash our great leader, George W. Bush, just because there have been a few bumps in the road toward our inevitable victory in Iraq. Now you know I'm not a sentimental guy, but I think the left wing bleeding heart cut and runners should do well to remember that our Commander in Chief is a person too, he has feelings, and a Mother and Father. So back off.

He also has a history and a family connection with the lovely country of Iraq, as evidenced by this family vacation photo sent to me by Abe PixWit (A Bush family friend?). On the back of the photo is a handwritten note: "W: Be prudent and stay out of the deep doo-doo! Pops."

Be sure to visit PIXWIT.COM for other tender Bush family memories.

QuickCo Employees must boost my Technorati rating or face dismissal

This is my blog. Despite the fact that I have an entire interactive division at my disposal, I built GET RICH QUICK! with my own two fingers. I built it to help people achieve the same kind of prosperity that I have managed to achieve. I make others successful. I enhance lives, such as the way I enhance your live every two weeks when you get your paycheck even if you've been slacking and cruising porn sites for half your working hours (Jerry).

So if you disrespect GET RICH QUICK! you disrespect me. And if you disrespect ME, you disrespect the company that is paying you the paycheck that you have no right to be taking. If you disprespect your company, you are taking bread from the mouths of the children of your co-workers and deserve to be dealt with in ways I don't even want to know about, for legal reasons.

The point is, my Technorati rating is a dismal 180,182.

If this rating doesn't start improving, heads are going to roll. So I advise each and every one of you to click on the link below and choose this site as one of your favorites. If you have a blog, create an inbound link to me. I don't know how else you build these ratings, but figure it out and do it, or so help me god you'll be applying for a Bumvertising job within weeks. And don't even think about Unemployment Compensation, that welfare for lazy commie slackers. We've never had to pay a claim yet, and never will.

Conversely, show evidence that you're helping my ratings and you will be duly rewarded. Add a comment, and you shall be blessed.

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