Friday, March 31, 2006

Richard Quick's Criticism Topples Universist Movement

Never underestimate the power of a millionaire's criticism.
Days after Richard Quick, Esq. exposed the so-called Universist Movement a leftist, lesbo hoax, and a ludicrous joke, and added their inane forum to the revered list Richard Quick's Top Time-Wasting Loser Sites, guess what? The forum officially shut down in embarrassment and defeat, and the "Movement" seems to have reached up from its own toilet bowl and pulled the flusher in shame and remorse. The few worth converting were graciously accepted into the Church of Morrism by Grandmaster Morri himself.

When Richard Quick, Esq. speaks, charlatans and posers flee in terror!

Beware the wrath of Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.!

Saturday, March 18, 2006

QUICK'S PICKS: Richard Quick's Best Companies to Invest In

One of the keys to getting rich quick, and staying rich, is associating with WINNERS. Vote any way you want, protest 'yil your heart's bleeding non-stop, but at the end of the day, trust your money to the take-no-prisoners sonofabitches who are going to maximize their shareholder's investments... at all costs. Here are some of my favorite companies to invest in now, and in the glorious future.

HALLIBURTON - My fave! Every time the sissy liberals flap their wrists is protest, screaming about no-bid contracts and billions in sleazy wartime profiteering, all I can hear is cha-CHING! cha-CHING! chaCHING!

NIKE - They are a beacon of human resource management, cost-containment and employee motivation. They use sports-metaphors and imagery to motivate a workforce that refuses to accept more than 14 - 18 cents per day. They just do it! and then Do it again!

WAL-MART - I love WAL-MART. I make my driver pull my Rolls Royce into their parking lot every couple of weeks so I can have a laugh. Here, WAL-MART is shipping all their jobs overseas, but these morons keep coming, and keep buying, because WAL-MART lets them park their RVs in their lot overnight. And they've got the best prices on Dale Earnhardt Jr. beer coolers, Budweiser deer hunting caps, fried lard and size 42 underwear.

CLEAR CHANNEL BROADCASTING - Everybody hates a monopoly... at least everybody too stupid to invest in it! Stop fighting and join them. Resistance is futile! And unprofitable.

NORTHROP GRUMMAN - War's a tragic thing, loss of live, innocent victims, and all that. But hey, we didn't start it. And now that we're in it, there's nothing wrong with making some money off it, is there?

MONSANTO - Hey, they're not just about DDT & Agent Orange/Purple anymore. They're not just about tasty GMOs. In fact, there's a little bit of Monsanto in everyone, you and me included!

EXXONMOBIL - Even treehuggers and lesbotarians can't deny this great company's contribution to conservation and humankind. They provide energy for a developing world. They operate responsibly wherever they do business. They use well-established environmental management systems to ensure conserving biodiversity is integral to our operations. In doing so, they will Protect Tomorrow. Today.

Friday, March 17, 2006

PRAISE for Richard Quick's Get Rich Quick! books

PAUL KINSELLA, Founder, Afterlife Telegrams
Richard Quick's books are among the many thousands of extremely helpful books that I have never read!!!

BISTER MUNGLE, Persona Non Importa, AdBusters Forum
Impressive amalgamation of ignorance and arrogance, well done.


Thursday, March 16, 2006

Mt. Goat & PISS beers to merge?

This just reported in the respected Aussie Financial News & Beer Report: Stocks soared on the Australian Mercantile Exchange on rumors of a merger between Mountain Goat Beer and PISS Beer to create a Super Premium Goat Piss Beer line. Also fueling activity are reports that American Millionaire Extraordinaire Richard quick, Esq. is courting each company for North American import and bottling rights, and in talks with PISS for creation of a boutique American-style microbrew "Richard quick's Own PISS: The Sweet Taste of Success" specifically developed for the refined American beer palette."

Little known facts about Australia: Beer is traded as a commodity on the Australian stock market. The Australian language has over 50 words for hangover and more than 100 words and phrases for alcohol-induced vomiting.

Richard Quick's Success Tips: Take a Piss & Start the Day Right

Future Millionaires: Proper eating habits are essential in maintaining the Get Rich Quick! Millionaire Mindset. And breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Remember that until you get to be successful like me, you're going to have to drink four quarts of piss for every glass of Dom Perignon. Might as well get it out of the way early.

Incidentally, Richard Quick, Esq. is currently in negotiations to acquire the North American bottling rights to this fine Australian Brew (also available in low alcohol Piss Weak). I am currently testing my own private label version "Richard Quick's Own PISS," with the tagline "The Sweet taste of success!" (Visit for more information and to purchase the Piss Pack. Email your support for Richard Quick's bottling rights proposal to and copy

DON'T BE A LOSER: Sign up for Richard Quick's Get Rich Quick! Newsletter!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Unworthy Charity #1: Ken's Medieval History PhD & book

The first submission for Richard Quick's Top Unworthy Charities of 2006 comes from Publisher, Founder, CEO, and "Chairman of the Bored" of the misguided anti-commercialist (!) site Corporate Motherfucker ( Begs Ken: ""I ask that you endow a scholarship to put me through my Ph.D in medieval history and buy a publishing company to publish my book." Mr. Mondschein meets several of my criteria for unworthy charities: He is a reformed Ren-faire jouster, and an "avid student" of historical fencing. He quotes Allen "The Barde of Edinburgh" Ginsburg. He either shares my fondness for Newcastle Ale or he has a serious growth on his left cheek. And he knows how to appeal to investors (Well, fuck you. We're not selling out. All the same, we want to start a print magazine. If you have money and no desire to make a profit, please contact Ken Mondschein at I believe any donations you can make to the Send-Ken-to-the-Middle-Ages Fund will be money well-spent. That way his anti-capitalist, leftist opinions will be forever contained in that liberal cone-of-silence we call Academia. Learn more at

DON'T BE A LOSER: Sign up for Richard Quick's Get Rich Quick! Newsletter!

Accepting Submissions for Richard Quick's Top Unworthy Charity Contributions for 2006

My therapist told me that my recent anger at the attacks upon me, my integrity, my choice of blog software, my validity as a real person and the size of my member is uncharacteristic, unbecoming and borderline obsessive. "You never get mad, Richard," she said, working the stiffness in my neck. "You get even." And she's right. The Ugliest Farking Farker Contest was immature, mean-spirited and dull. (Besides, Bobby T had an unfair advantage). I hereby cancel the Farking Ugliest Farker Contest and dedicate myself to buying Fark.Com, and using its member records to track down any of my employees that visited during work hours and firing them on the spot. They'll not only get no severance, I'll bill them back time-and-a-half for any time they squandered on I'll impound their Ford Escorts 'til they pay in full, too. Then we'll outsource their jobs to India or Haiti to workers who don't Fark when they're paid to work.

Call for submissions: Richard Quick's Top Unworthy Charity Contributions for 2006. With tax season upon us, I am actively searching for tax write-offs that will keep me from ever, ever paying a cent of my millions to the IRS. I am therefore accepting submissions for Richard Quick's Top Unworthy Charity Contributions for 2006. Email information links, logos to me at

DON'T BE A LOSER: Sign up for Richard Quick's Get Rich Quick! Newsletter!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Richard Quick to Wed Ms. Blessing Paul May 1

Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. is proud to announce his engagement to Ms. Blessing Paul of Refugee Camp, Cotonou, Benin Republic, a 26 year old medical student of gynecology. She is the daughter of the late gold & diamond merchant George Paul and late mother Mercy Paul, who were killed by rebels. Richard Quick will be assisting with the transfer of the $12.5M USD family treasure from Security Company, and investing for Ms. Paul. GrandMaster Morri will perform the ceremony, and Barrister Oskwe Gluma, Benin, will give away the bride. The couple will honeymoon at sea in the Principality of New-Utopia, near the offshore banks of the Cayman Islands. Please join us in congratulating Mr. Quick and his new bride-to-be, who met recently on the Internet.

DON'T BE A LOSER: Sign up for Richard Quick's Get Rich Quick! Newsletter!

Sign up for Richard Quick's Get Rich Quick! newsletter

If you are sincerely interested in building wealth and breaking free from the habits that make you a loser, you'll sign up for Richard Quick's Get Rich Quick! newsletter, chocked with lots of ways you can become a multimillionaire in no time, even with your limited time, talents and intelligence. If you decide to go back to being a loser at any time, you can use our one-click opt-out and you'll be returned to your regular underperforming existence, which ia already in progress.


Keywords: Business, opportunity, business opportunities, wealth, wealth-building, Franchise, franchising, franchise opportunity, get rich, get rich quick, millionaire, millionaire mindset, greed, greed is good, money, moneymaking, mlm, scam, multilevel marketing, I have too much money and want to give it to someone

Sunday, March 12, 2006

When Farks Attack!

On Wed. March 8, time-wasting site Fark.Com reacted to my seven-word review ("Farking Losers. Fark you, you farking farks.") and posted a link on their little site. I was assailed by comments by those who are only too willing to waste their employers' time trying to defend their pathetic egos. Fark.Com should be happy I threw a little web traffic their way, but this is the thanks I get.

From 2Tone: "...God put us on earth to do: Make money." What do you do with all your "hard-earned cash?" You must be a real tight wad, a hoarder, especially since you host your site here on not on your own domain.Sounds like you're a very bitter person, even with all the money you claim you have. I know you need love and attention, which those cheap hookers and strippers aren't giving to you. Come and join us at flds, you will truly be a king with 3 teenage brides. Our compound is in Texas, we are waiting for you...Jeff.
RQ responds: Believe me, Jeff, these hookers and strippers aren't cheap. You guys at FLDS are doing a great job, especially at the compound in TX. Keep up the good work! However, I've seen Mormon women and will have to pass. I appreciate the offer.

From CoffeeKitty79: You must have gotten beat up in school a lot when you were a kid.
RQ responds: I did. Childhood was tough. But the looks on those bullies' faces, when I had them hunted down and killed, made it all worth it.

More from CoffeeKitty79: at least fark is a little entertaining..this blog is just sad and a little disturbing..i would trade being a billionare for not being a jackass anyday.
RQ responds: A shame, it seems, that you weren't offered either option. CoffeeKitty79, if you follow the principles in my books, I guarantee you won't have to buy your clothes on eBay anymore (how ARE those jeans working out?). CoffeeKitty, I'm no animal rights activist but I find your signature beverage rather cruel and distasteful.

From RiTron ( This is a joke, right?
RQ responds: RiTron: you have, without a doubt, the best blog in the universe. DO NOT change a thing. A single additional post will ruin its fragile perfection. You are a God to me.

From vANS: you fucking rule.
RQ responds: vANS you are a vAN of few words, but when you speak, you speak the truth. Together, we could fucking rule the fucking world. Or at least enslave these dipshits.

From Guyulus: Biggest Timewaster so far from the list..."... Richard Quick's Time-Wasting Loser Blogs These are blogs I've run across that fill feeble minds with anti-success rhetoric. What a disservice they do to young people who should be pursing that which God put us on earth to do: Make money. They are in no way the worst, just a list of the mediocre majority I've come across...."Lots of money <>
RQ responds: WTF? Let me go out on a limb, Guyulus, and venture a guess that you don't get invited to too many parties.

From Charles: Sundae Station is a scam. Go to the site and click on the links. The site was set up by the government.
RQ responds: Yeah, right, Charles. And Soylent Green really IS people! Time to lay off the X-Files reruns, Chuck. Or should I say, your Highness?

From Michael Coward: I've figured out that the quickest way to get rich is through philanthropoligist. I figured, you being the expert on getting rich quick, and being rich yourself, that to hit you up for $20,000 or so would be a good start in my get-rich-quick plan. $20,000 is negotiable, I'd gladly take more (or less, money is money). Maybe you're not really considered a "philanthropoligist", but your hobby list was looking short, so I figured I could start getting rich now and you could start being a philanthropist now. (Come on, at least a grand for the laugh).-- Michael Coward Sans Peur
RQ responds: Good show, Michael! I like your gumption, son. You remind me of another brash young man I once knew... one with the initials RQ. You're just the kind of ambitious young man who will go very far with my programs. You are a breath of fresh air. I'm in for a grand, and a complimentary copy of "Richard Quick's Guide to Turning $1000 into $1 Million... Guaranteed!" By the way, what is a Philanthropoligist?

From Tiffany: Thanks for calling out those web sites for what they are. I used to go on Fark all the time because I like funny news stories. However, the comments those people post are pure poison. They hate anyone who has wealth, fame, or success. They can only be summed up as losers. If you hate successful people you can never become one of them. It's time for people to wake up and realize poverty is NOT a virtue. Sincerely, Tiffany
RQ responds: Tiffany: You have singlehandedly redeemed my faith in Tiffanys worldwide. Despite your parents' efforts, you have blossomed into an intelligent, insightful, nubile young woman with unlimited potential. You exhibit the qualities of those who can turn a small investment in my wealth-building systems into vast fortunes. I am going to put your name into the consideration list for a Gordon Gekko scholarship to the Richard Quick Millionaire Institute. Please send some photos. See you on the Veranda!

From Matt: saw your blog, I want to be rich too, maybe then I can help others.
RQ responds: I like your attitude. I've got a good feeling about you. And my instincts are never wrong. You have drive. talent. Ambition. You are special. You've got the success vibe oozing from you like jelly out of the bismarck I stepped on this morning. What a mess! And we've got time to work on that "helping others" thing.

From TeevHo ( I see that money does not buy class or erase ignorance. What it does seem to do is inflate blowhard windbags with a false sense of self entitlement.
RQ responds: Mr. HO, the good news for you is that money CAN buy pharmaceuticals and counseling. Ask your doctor if Hetracil is right for you. Common side effects include sudden, horrible revelations such as "OMFG! I have a blog called Britney Spears Watch!!!!" The horror...

DON'T BE A LOSER: Sign up for Richard Quick's Get Rich Quick! Newsletter! named to Richard Quick's Worst TimeWasting Site's Talk about needing a sist removed!

Universist.Org pretentious self-important elitist liberal arts losers playing dress-up with pagan wiccan lesbo costumes found in the dumpster outside of real religions. Hey, let's create a religion based on what we don't believe! That way the boring pseudo-views we spew over Starbuck's lattes can't be challenged for the vapid drivel it is. Keep voting for candidates who will never win, losers!

Saturday, March 11, 2006

More Farked up Comments

On Wed. March 8, time-wasting site Fark.Com reacted to my seven-word review ("Farking Losers. Fark you, you farking farks.") and posted a link on their little site. The post prompted a slight bump in my site traffic (26,000 hits or so), 260 comments on Fark.Com, and 50-60 on my site. Fark.Com should be kissing my rear end for the web traffic I sent their way, but this is the thanks I get.

Farker Nano said: God sent his son to preach goodwill on earth and kindness to your fellow man. He did not instruct you to leach wealth without working.
RQ responds: Well-spoken, Nano. God does not instruct how to leach wealth without working. That's why I created "Richard Quick's Amazing Seven Step Path to Leaching Wealth Without Working... Guaranteed!" program. Remember, the Lord helps those who help themselves. Those are words I live by.

Farker Punker 98 writes: You have a rather inflated view of yourself, don't you? Isn't it sad that money can't buy you a personality? I hope you and that giant chip on your shoulder are very happy.
RQ responds: We are, Punker 98! In fact, I'm going to ask the Giant Chip to be my bride... if she'll have me!

Farker Fuck You and Yours writes: I say old boy, how did you find these sites? Where they in John 6:16 or did you actually go on line and read them? What prays do you say to clean your soul after viewing all the kiddy porn? Oh, I know your just looking for new ideas and stumble across these sites.
RQ responds: Thanks for the link, FY&Y. I couldn't find the John 6:16 kiddie porn site. Are you sure that's the URL?

Farker Jeremy C said: Interesting... You're a self-proclaimed billionaire, so I guess you don't have anything better to do than rag on other people's blogs. I can't find you in Amazon or Google for that matter. And it's funny that since it's America, you have the right to say what you want, but when someone says something against you, you slap them in the face. Freedom is a two way street, pal.
RQ responds: Are you in the Amazon too? We're bulldozing some godforsaken tropical rainforests so we can get these poor people some strip centers, donut shops and casinos. Email your cell, let's grab a macawburger before they're all gone, J-man.

QuickLikeDick writes: With a billion dollars, isn't it frustrating that your life consists of posting on internet message boards? I mean, if I had a billion dollars, I guess I would be, you know, meeting women and vacationing quite a bit. Erectile disfunction your excuse, eh? They got medicine for that you know. Transgendered? That's too bad, but I guess since you are the expert at the internets, you are aware of all the tranny-love sights to fufill you. Have fun with your webcam, dork.
RQ responds: "...if I had a billion dollars, I guess I would be, you know, meeting women..." Don't be so hard on yourself, Quick. With a few measly million, even dwarves and Canadians get laid.

KaptainKremen posts: I met Dick Quick at a bar one time. I didn't even know it was him. He was acting like a normal guy. His voice was different, his hair was different.. everything about him was different from what we imagine him to be like on his web site. After a few drinks he started talking about how he worked for the government and was tired of doing "the schtick" for them. Then, as more and more people began to realize who he was and started crowding around, he started getting belligerent. He threatened to have one of my friends killed and then some guy he was with grabbed him by the arm and they left.
RQ responds: Haven't seen that friend lately, have you Cap'n?

PRAISE for Richard Quick, Esq.!!!

I am too modest to post all the praise and lover letters I receive, so I dictate to a servant girl and have her post them. Thanks for your kind words and appreciation. See you on the veranda! RQ, E

Farker Timothy Broyles (on behalf of the entire Fark community) writes: As a long time member of the Fark community, I think I speak for most of us when I say...Huh? Who the hell are you? I've never heard of you until your little "contest" came to light. When did we ever talk about you? As for the education part, wow, you must be so intelligent to slam and entire group of people because of some slight perpetrated against you by a few people (though again, I've never heard of you before now). I'm sure you're much cooler than us because you have money. That makes you super cool, right? By the way, of all the Farkers I personally know, which is a few, not one of them graduated from a community college, but an actually university [sic]. Surprise surprise, they also hold real jobs, making pretty damn good money. I'm sorry if you're upset about what people you don't even know are saying about you, but if you're that thin skinned, then maybe you should go hide in a hole and stay of the internet [sic].
RQ responds: Thanks, Tim! Look for an excerpt of your message ("...You're much cooler than us because you have money." Tim Broyles) on the back cover of my upcoming book on the Fark community. You'll be famous! Going to an "actually university" paid off! Take care, and you stay "of the internet" too! RQ, E

Farker Ken writes: You would make a great Billionaire for Bush!
RQ responds: You're right. I already am! Thanks, Ken!

Farker MH writes: This has gotta be one of the best parody sites I've seen in a while. Brilliant.
RQ responds: Parody?

TricycleRacer writes: I hit it. Hard. In 1998 in Manhattan, I bumped into Richard Quick at the Parker Meridien. He was a complete gentleman and asked before insertion.
RQ responds: I think I remember you TR, but not your face. 1998 was a busy year, but I was always tried to be a gentleman.

Farker Splftwst writes: "Farking Losers. Fark you, you farking farks." wow this is how self made millionaires spend their time? bitching aboot a website that posts links for people to laugh at, what kind of sense does that make? Have you had your UFIA today?
RQ responds: It wasn't my intention to bitch "aboot" the Fark website, just the farking losers, child molesters, and Canadians who hang "aboot" there. And what's UFIA? Unusually Farked-up Idiots United?

Farking Pam writes: I have nominated you for This Just In ... Your Blog Sucks ...
RQ responds: Thanks, Pam! Let me know how we do!

GibsonAV writes: Now THIS is funny stuff:"...God put us on earth to... Make money."So not only are you among the torrid drones and leaches out there making millions by showing others...nothing...but you're going to hide behind the bible curtain (and poorly I might add) to get their attention...and money. Amazing. The terms shyster and crackpot don't do you justice. No doubt you'll use your "comment moderation" to edit this down to a level you can rebutt or ridicule, but at least YOU'LL have read it all.
RQ responds: Congratulations, GibsonAV! An excerpt of your comments and your name will appear on my next book cover ("Now THIS is funny stuff... the terms shyster and crackpot don't do you justice!" GibsonAV) By the way, where did you find those bible curtains? I've been looking everywhere!

OldManMorri writes: this is your best work yet.
RQ responds: You are a class act, Morri, both wise and correct. See you in church.

R writes: Great site! I can't wait for your billionaire line of "U got pwned" t-shirts. Good luck with your coming out party!
RQ responds: Thanks, R. I hope it's as much fun as my going in party!

SethFilms writes: Finally, a guy with more time on his hands than me. Well done.
RQ responds: Thanks. Praise like yours is... rare.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Richard Quick Announces Farking Ugliest Farker Contest!

It has always been the way of peasants to malign their superiors. We elite understand that it helps them get through their miserable days, which is necessary for productivity and building wealth for us, so we tolerate it, just as we tolerate their poor hygiene. But recently, these attacks on me have become personal. I have received reports of posts on the forum of low-life cesspool, and some on my own site, that question my manhood, virility, and the size of my manstick. When insects become too annoying, they must be swatted.

So I am proud to announce Richard Quick's First Annual Farking Ugliest Farker Contest & search for the fugliest member of the fugliest group of timewasting, ghetto-squatting, community-college-degreed, self-righteouness-exuding and stupidity spewing losers on the web today. Simply email your nominations to*. Include name, picture. Please use spelling.

* Richard Quick proudly uses email by Yahoo!, helping to jail chinese dissidents since 2005!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Ideas for exploiting an inner-city soccer team?

I received a fan letter from a delightfully scheming Farker named Brian C. Brian emailed: "you have no idea how much money actually flows through the non-profit sector. Some incredibly wealthy people have become so running Non-profits... check some numbers... the government loves to hand out checks to people they believe are do-gooders." Bravo, Brian! You have the millionaire mindset!
Coincidentally, I received a solicitation from some poor schlub who organizes an inner-city sports club. He recruits players who 1) cant afford to play 2) are at risk of delinquency 3) have no means of transportation or equipment(shoes) or have a language barrier 4) are "good kids" but need something fun and positive to do. (Some club!) He needs $2230 to support each of three teams, much of which he's put in from his own pocket in past years (go figure! It takes all kinds...). This year the teams are in danger of folding due to lack of funds. (I smell opportunity!)
So, students, what would you say is the best way to exploit this situation for monetary gain? I'm sure we could get the sponsorship for 30% less by cutting costs (no shoelaces, no cups, etc.). He has offered for the players to volunteer work time. We could sell advertising to malt liquor and payday loan companies. Put their street skills to work selling soccer eqpt boosted from other teams, performance-enhancing placebos, protection, crack, compromising pictures of Mia Hamm, etc. Send me your ideas, students, or add a comment. And let's all, as they say in the inner city, give Freaky Farker Brian C. his props! See you on the veranda, Brian!

Brian C. Adds: Create a company in name only and eat the founding costs.. a lawyer to file the paperwork for non-profit status or jsut skip it and register as a philanthropic organization. It offers tax shelters not readily available to general corporations. You use the only asset you have readily available, the students and this person who is trying to start the program in the first place. If he really has the gonads to go through with it, the answer is simple.

Liquify as many personal assets you can or leverage it. Take a mortgage out on your house to start the creation of the Foundation, apply for non-profit status and open up for operation. Build your soccer field and then use the kids sad little faces to get smaller community based endeavors to help fund you. After a year of operation I believe, you are now eligible for matching funds from most major cities. If not, throw your hand into political campaigns. Find the smallest local official you can that has an interest in such things (All those mopes that attached to Arnold in CA when he ran made a bundle) Grease some palms, it's the American way.

RQ, E. responds: Great, Brian. Only this guy isn't based in America. He's in Canada.

Farked up comments from Farking Losers:

On Wed. March 8, time-wasting site Fark.Com reacted to my seven-word review ("Farking Losers. Fark you, you farking farks.") and posted a link on their little site. I was assailed by comments by those who are only too willing to waste their employers' time trying to defend their pathetic egos. Fark.Com should be happy I threw a little web traffic their way, but this is the thanks I get.

From Will ( You have every right to your opinions of the sites mentioned but here's the best way to deal with a site you don't like: Ignore them. Also, the Wonkette-Wankette play on words, how DID you think of that? Almost as good as the Fark you Farkers. I mean you, kind sir are sheer brilliance.
RQ responds: Will, you are 31 years old. You have a site named Be The Boy. Your profile reads "You can't make me fill this in. Same goes for all of the other categories. " Your most recent post states: "I have had movies on my mind a lot lately." Will, you not only should refrain from criticizing those superior to you, you should draw the drapes, climb into a dark closet and think very very hard about your life.

From Julio Sosa, Dominican Republic: Hahaha, you're such an idiot. I bet you have a tiny penis.
RQ responds: HaHaHa, you lost that bet. Julio, with a listed occupation of "Slacking off and procastinating," losing seems to be your calling. Being a baseball fan, I respect your people. If Uncle Manny won't give you a job corking his bat, call me. Maybe you can push a lawnmower on one of my golf courses.

From Faulkna ( So it's all about money? Must make you good friends with the criminals that run this country. Enjoy!
RQ responds: Yes. Yes. And I will. If you and your enlightened, ethical homeless friends would stop squatting in my abandoned buildings, I'd appreciate it.

From Some Guy: What's so bad about fark? If it weren't for them, I would never have seen this site.
RQ responds: That's a good sign for Fark. Perhaps they are realizing the futility of playing electronic village idiot to the Great Unwashed. It's never too late to sell out. Even Ben & Jerry eventually gagged on the B.O. emanating from under the left wing.

From Red Mosquito: You are not a billionare.
RQ responds: I never claimed to be a billionaire. Judging from your eloquence, sharp wit and penetrating insight, you must be a Canadian. A Canadian with aspirations of upgrading to insect.

Hachura writes: You claimed to be a bliionaire right in your "About Me": "made my first million by age 12, and reached billionaire status by 28" You lose!
RQ responds: It doesn't say that.

From DanteCervantes: Headline should've read: "Richard Quick's a Time Wasting Loser writing Blogs"
RQ responds: DanteCervantes? Another proud Liberal Arts graduate of Orville Wright Junior College, no doubt. Sure, DanteCervantes, I'll have fries with that.

From BobbyT ( What kind of billionare houses a blog on blogspot??? Godaddy's $9.95 a year too expensive for you???
RQ responds: Reason #1: I like to keep in touch with the masses, the little people, the downtrodden, the scabbed and diseased, the democrats. Reason #2: I believe in patronizing the companies I own. Bobby, I was going to hurl a brilliantly witty insult toward you, but then I visited your site and saw that you collect baking powder submarines. Bobby, I am so, so sorry.

From fnord: Way to waste your time, seeking ways for others to waste theirs. Oh, and you're censoring, erm..."moderating". Plus, you waste time insulting various people and websites and wasted more energy coming up with silly syntax such as "Loserologist". So much money, and still insecure. That's pathetic.
RQ responds: You use the word "pathetic" like one who knows of which he speaks. I propose a deal: If you teach me the meaning of the word "erm," I will teach you that periods and commas go INSIDE the quotation marks.

From CR UVa ( The iPod is no iMac. While you may argue that Microsoft rules the computing world, Apple has a similar hold on portable music. Apple is not Microsoft, but it has surpassed Sony in that market; the iPod is today's Walkman. Sure, in a few years, MP3 players will start competing with the iPod, much as portable music players caught up with the Walkman, but you have to admit that the iTunes Media Store was a good idea. For that matter, why are you bothering bashing them? Since you believe Apple is so weak, they should not deserve your time. And "Loserologist"? Yet, you call appleologist a nerd. Pot, meet kettle.
RQ responds: I have a confession, CR UVa. When I read your line "the iPod is today's Walkman" I laughed so hard I spilled cognac down my smoking jacket. I think I actually burst a small blood vessel at "Pot, meet kettle." But then I visited your blog, The Red Stater, and all was forgiven! I love you! You're just young! You can always get a clue later! The important thing is you're 22, an idealistic young Republican and you're not afraid to say so! You are a promising young man, a pearl necklace amongst the swine. Call me when you graduate! You're going places!

From Consuela: Senior Quick, I am going into town. Can I get you something?
RQ responds: We're getting a little low on Scotch. And pick up a case or two of Chimay, the heavy kind. And some beef jerky.
From Consuela: Thank you, Senior Quick.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


I regret to have to waste everybody's time, but I must stop to defend my good name and reputation, as well as those who follow my wealth-building teachings. It is difficult when my integrity comes under attack, but because it reflects poorly on you, my minions. A certain ex-discple of mine has chosen to personally attack and slander my good reputation in the public forum of the Rip-Off Report.

The Rip-Off Report is a fine and respected consumer grievance site that helps separate scams from legitimate business opportunities such as those I promote in "Richard Quick's Essential Guide to Legitimate Business Opportunities I Promote." I hold R.O.R Founder Ed Magdeson in the highest regard, and feel he deserves a medal of honor for his consumer protectionism. It is unfortunate that Reverend Krok (a fitting name) chooses this forum to spew his lies. I unequivocably deny all his negative accusations and affirm those deemed impressive. He shall hear from my lawyer (me). Thank you for all the letters and emails of support. See you on the veranda! RQ


Sunday, March 05, 2006

Richard Quick's Time-Wasting Loser Blogs

These are blogs I've run across that fill feeble minds with anti-success rhetoric. What a disservice they do to young people who should be pursing that which God put us on earth to do: Make money. They are in no way the worst, just a list of the mediocre majority I've come across.

Richard Quick's Time-wasting Loser Sites
Congratulations! You made it! Adam Sharp, as in "not too" Adam, we should talk. You're 22. You picked the worst possible URL, the worst possible political party and a ludicrous career category (Non-profit!) Ever heard of the "three strikes" rule? The name says it all. You call this patriotism? Patriotboy? Loserboy. I looked forward to some fellowship, idea exchanges with peers. Totally misleading name. These guys are anti-crooks & liars!!! Think liberal losers. Farking Losers. Fark you, you farking farks. Unofficial Apple Site. There's something to be proud of! Look: There was a war. Apple lost and lost bad. Dudes: It's over. Bury the rancid core and move on. try wankette. This chick knows how to drive traffic and she's making a bundle. It's her poor deluded timewasting visitors who'll be SOL on judgement day when the Lord asks us each how much we've earned.
Jesus' General aka Patriotboy. This loser rejects emails sent to him from Yahoo! accounts "due to Yahoo!'s complicity in the jailing of Chinese dissidents." Christ, that's why I use Yahoo! email. I'd rather be complicit with a ruling regime than downtrodden dissidents anyday. Go Yahoo!
Universist.Org pretentious self-important elitist liberal arts losers playing dress-up with pagan wiccan lesbo costumes found in the dumpster outside of real religions. Hey, let's create a religion based on what we don't believe! That way the boring pseudo-views we spew over Starbuck's lattes can't be challenged for the vapid drivel it is. Keep voting for candidates who will never win, losers!

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Saturday, March 04, 2006

Cold Cash from a Cool Treat

Here's one of the greatest moneymaking business opportunity and franchise ideas from someone other than me that I've seen in a long times: Sundae Station. This can't miss. I've seen a lot of vending scams, but this is the real deal. I was skeptical until I read the testimonial from Lynda & Fred, an attractive couple who walk on the beach: “We were drowning in debt and working 80 hours a week for two paychecks that barely covered the necessities. SUNDAE STATION changed our lives. Our first SUNDAE STATION paid for itself in just three weeks! In one year, we’ve gone from $10 in the bank to $100,000. Now every day is a walk on the beach. Thank you, SUNDAE STATION!” Lynda and Fred Sycamore, FL Quick tip: Keep a midget around in case there's a mechanical failure and you need to go "manual." See you on the veranda! Richard
Keywords: Franchise, franchise opportunity, business opportunity, get rich, get filthy rich, get disgustingly rich

Friday, March 03, 2006

Afterlife Telegrams: the new DedEx

While researching my upcoming books, "The Quick and the Dead: Richard Quick's Guide to Kicking Riches," and I ran across one of those businesses I wished I had thought of. (Since I didn't, I'm starting AfterlifeEmails.Com. Or maybe Or Or For a donation of $5.00 per word, will deliver telegrams to people who have passed away. How? you ask. This is done with the help of terminally Ill volunteers who memorize the telegrams before passing away, and then deliver the telegrams after they have passed away. They're not telegrams, they're Afterlife Telegrams. Brilliant. Founder Paul Kinsella must surely have read my book "They Can't Take it With'm: Richard Quick's 7 Stages of Wealthbuilding" (featuring a guest disclaimer and court order by Kubler-Ross). (logo used by permission)