On Wed. March 8, time-wasting site Fark.Com reacted to my seven-word review ("Farking Losers. Fark you, you farking farks.") and posted a link on their little site. I was assailed by comments by those who are only too willing to waste their employers' time trying to defend their pathetic egos. Fark.Com should be happy I threw a little web traffic their way, but this is the thanks I get.
From Will (betheboy.blogspot.com): You have every right to your opinions of the sites mentioned but here's the best way to deal with a site you don't like: Ignore them. Also, the Wonkette-Wankette play on words, how DID you think of that? Almost as good as the Fark you Farkers. I mean you, kind sir are sheer brilliance.
RQ responds: Will, you are 31 years old. You have a site named Be The Boy. Your profile reads "You can't make me fill this in. Same goes for all of the other categories. " Your most recent post states: "I have had movies on my mind a lot lately." Will, you not only should refrain from criticizing those superior to you, you should draw the drapes, climb into a dark closet and think very very hard about your life.
From Julio Sosa, Dominican Republic: Hahaha, you're such an idiot. I bet you have a tiny penis.
RQ responds: HaHaHa, you lost that bet. Julio, with a listed occupation of "Slacking off and procastinating," losing seems to be your calling. Being a baseball fan, I respect your people. If Uncle Manny won't give you a job corking his bat, call me. Maybe you can push a lawnmower on one of my golf courses.
From Faulkna (faulkna.blogspot.com): So it's all about money? Must make you good friends with the criminals that run this country. Enjoy!
RQ responds: Yes. Yes. And I will. If you and your enlightened, ethical homeless friends would stop squatting in my abandoned buildings, I'd appreciate it.
From Some Guy: What's so bad about fark? If it weren't for them, I would never have seen this site.
RQ responds: That's a good sign for Fark. Perhaps they are realizing the futility of playing electronic village idiot to the Great Unwashed. It's never too late to sell out. Even Ben & Jerry eventually gagged on the B.O. emanating from under the left wing.
From Red Mosquito: You are not a billionare.
RQ responds: I never claimed to be a billionaire. Judging from your eloquence, sharp wit and penetrating insight, you must be a Canadian. A Canadian with aspirations of upgrading to insect.
Hachura writes: You claimed to be a bliionaire right in your "About Me": "made my first million by age 12, and reached billionaire status by 28" You lose!
RQ responds: It doesn't say that.
From DanteCervantes: Headline should've read: "Richard Quick's a Time Wasting Loser writing Blogs"
RQ responds: DanteCervantes? Another proud Liberal Arts graduate of Orville Wright Junior College, no doubt. Sure, DanteCervantes, I'll have fries with that.
From BobbyT (torgo.org): What kind of billionare houses a blog on blogspot??? Godaddy's $9.95 a year too expensive for you???
RQ responds: Reason #1: I like to keep in touch with the masses, the little people, the downtrodden, the scabbed and diseased, the democrats. Reason #2: I believe in patronizing the companies I own. Bobby, I was going to hurl a brilliantly witty insult toward you, but then I visited your site and saw that you collect baking powder submarines. Bobby, I am so, so sorry.
From fnord: Way to waste your time, seeking ways for others to waste theirs. Oh, and you're censoring, erm..."moderating". Plus, you waste time insulting various people and websites and wasted more energy coming up with silly syntax such as "Loserologist". So much money, and still insecure. That's pathetic.
RQ responds: You use the word "pathetic" like one who knows of which he speaks. I propose a deal: If you teach me the meaning of the word "erm," I will teach you that periods and commas go INSIDE the quotation marks.
From CR UVa (theredstater.blogspot.com/): The iPod is no iMac. While you may argue that Microsoft rules the computing world, Apple has a similar hold on portable music. Apple is not Microsoft, but it has surpassed Sony in that market; the iPod is today's Walkman. Sure, in a few years, MP3 players will start competing with the iPod, much as portable music players caught up with the Walkman, but you have to admit that the iTunes Media Store was a good idea. For that matter, why are you bothering bashing them? Since you believe Apple is so weak, they should not deserve your time. And "Loserologist"? Yet, you call appleologist a nerd. Pot, meet kettle.
RQ responds: I have a confession, CR UVa. When I read your line "the iPod is today's Walkman" I laughed so hard I spilled cognac down my smoking jacket. I think I actually burst a small blood vessel at "Pot, meet kettle." But then I visited your blog, The Red Stater, and all was forgiven! I love you! You're just young! You can always get a clue later! The important thing is you're 22, an idealistic young Republican and you're not afraid to say so! You are a promising young man, a pearl necklace amongst the swine. Call me when you graduate! You're going places!
From Consuela: Senior Quick, I am going into town. Can I get you something?
RQ responds: We're getting a little low on Scotch. And pick up a case or two of Chimay, the heavy kind. And some beef jerky.
From Consuela: Thank you, Senior Quick.