But there's always a bright side for those of us who refuse to see the crater as half empty. Read on, and I'll teach you how to find the pin on this hand grenade of opportunity.
The U.S. Government is paying out MILLIONS to lucky Iraqi survivors or next-of-kin for damaged personal property and injuries or deaths to family members as a result of Operation Iraqi Freedom. These payments, known variously as "Sympathy" payments or "Oops! Sorry we blew up your house... And family" disbursements are sort of a modern Iraqi Lottery. The Fallujah Liaison Team site has a carnival atmosphere each Wednesday (Claims Day!) as eager, liberated Iraqis wheel and hobble in to munch the sweet snow cone of opportunity.
According to Staff Sgt. Robert Barker, disburser & host, II OMFG Headquarters Group, 2nd Force Service Support & Game Show Group (Forward), said "There's a real excitement in the air as I call out their names. Suad Jaafari, Crawl on DOWN! They can make some big bucks if they can make it down without a Big Whammy!"
Says Barker: “Most death claims are $2,500 big ones. Whether it’s one family member or four family members it’s still going to be $2,500. Personal injuries that will actually threaten them for the rest of their life we give from $1,000 to $1,500. Property damage is $500 and below.” The Iraqis can really hit the jackpot with bonus claims for damages incurred from non-combat activities “If we have a convoy going through town and they crush a car, the car owner can spin for a chance to win a brand new Yugo Amaryl. At the very least, they'll get the Home Version of our game... for when they have a home.”
But the Iraqis face a little challenge. While 200 show up on an average Claims Day, only 25 or so claims get processed, and they have to keep coming back. Some are too shell-shocked to fill out the paperwork correctly, and too grief-stricken to properly fabricate receipts or maximize their claims. Even those who know that electronic filing exists lack the computer skills, computer or fingers to fill out online forms. But as I always say, from Adversity is Opportunity Borne.
Now, as a Friendly Fire FastFunds (4H) franchise owner, you can expedite the payments that disabled Iraqis deserve... and keep half for yourself. Not only will you be doing well by doing good, you'll be doing your patriotic duty by repatriating American funds... earned by Americans to be spent in America!
Through the Friendly Fire FastFunds (4H) franchise company, a division of Green Line Real Estate, a Quick & Hammond corporation, you'll shock and awe bewildered Iraqis with two sure-fire claims expediting options.
With your 4H Accelerated Sympathy Service (ASS), you can provide claims funds electronically transmitted by the U.S. Government even to liberated Iraqis who no longer have a bank account (or bank). You can offer them access to the balance of their half of their funds in approximately 8 to 15 days, rather than 8 to 15 months.
The benefits of choosing ASS include:
- No payment is required up front because fees will be
withheld.
- A choice of receiving payment by check, or loaded into
theirPartyPoker.Com account
- A $10.00 free credit for signing up with PartyPoker.Com
- Additional fees that may apply.
A Sympathy Anticipation Check* (SAC) is a loan made to customers based upon their anticipated refund amount and life expectancy. If they qualify, they can apply for a loan on the amount of the anticipated Sympathy Payment - up to $9,999 - and receive the loan proceeds in as little as one 1 day. If they happen to have an unfortunate "accident" before they receive payment, you keep it all as well as THEIR death bounty!
*A SAC is a loan. Additional fees apply. Loans up to $9,999 provided by Midland Texas Bank & Trust or MTBT Bank USA, N.A. Bank fees and other charges deducted from loan proceeds. Loans may be subject to credit approval. Terms & conditions apply.
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