FRANWORST

Saturday, July 01, 2006

GET RICH QUICK: Renegade Eye's Socialist Doll Ideas

Recently, I received this plea for help from a late stage but recovering Socialist:

Dear Richard:

I found this blog surfing.
Could you make me, a sellout socialist? My price is low.

Renegade Eye

It's a tough case. The recovery rate for Socialism is shockingly low, with the only proven treatments being alcoholism, despair and, for extreme cases, actually living in a socialist society. Renegade Eye's case seems even more serious, as he/she developed socialism on the shores of Lake Wobegon, probably a rare strain that's associated with long, cold winters and too many books.

But I thrive on tough cases, and I'm dedicated to helping even the most red-eyed and the most misguided locate and nurture their inner-capitalist. So I searched through all the incomprehensible babble about worker's rights, human dignity, justice and other socio-babble until at last I discovered the gem I was looking for. There it was, in a post titled A Muslim Barbie... Please!, the seed of a socialist moneymaking idea:


When a slave child has a slave doll to relate to;
When a child labourer has a doll which comes complete with a
sweatshop;
When a girl who has been genitally mutilated has a doll with mutilated
genitals;
and when a child 'bride' has a baby barbie doll dressed in white to relate
to;
Then, I suppose, this veiled doll will also make sense...
That is, of course, if and when we have reverted back to the Middle Ages
and full on barbarity.


Renegade Eye shows a glimmer of promise here, but has missed the turn onto the road to success. Let me show how Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. can transform this bleeding heart NPR soundbyte into a Vision statement for Getting Rich Quick!

When a slave child has a slave doll to relate to;
When a child labourer has a doll which comes complete with a
sweatshop;
When a girl who has been genitally mutilated has a doll with mutilated
genitals;
and when a child 'bride' has a baby barbie doll dressed in white to relate
to;
And each bears the tag: "Manufactured by the Renegade Eye DollWorks Camp #6
100% bourgeoisie-free. Socialist-Made Socialist-Approved."
Then I shall be a happy Sellout Socialist who is happily "more equal" than all the others.

Renegade Eye: The socialist gig is a great front: Just declare a cultural revolution whenever you need slave labor. Develop a pull string so they can say Workers of the world unite! I'd market these on TV late at night for people to buy and send to repressed people in countries whose names we can't pronounce (You can buy a child bride a special doll for only 3 cents per day!) Use Sally Struthers if she hasn't exploded yet. Best yet, who'll know if you really sent them?

This could also be the basis for a great MLM/Home Party for suburban socialists. Your "party" hosts could blather on about whatever, Trot out some socialist hors doevres, and then rack up big orders for your sweatshop dolls. Now that's socialism.

2 comments:

Renegade Eye said...

Before you there was only this fellow:

http://www.mattpeiken.com/

I'm linking to this blog, no more Dr Matt.

Richard Quick, Millionaire said...

Poor Dr. Matt (not a Dr.). He gave it a good run.

Renegade Eye, I am available to partner with you on this project. By the time I am done, you'll be so rich they'll call you Renegade Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat.

Personally, your idea for the mutilation doll was a bit extreme, even by my standards. But that's what I like about you: Always pushing the limits. You're a Socialist among Socialisn'ts

In fact, you rate a link on my highly coveted "Enemies" list in the prestigious right side bar of Get Rich Quick! (The "Studio 54" of blog links) Congratulations!