Sunday, July 09, 2006

Richard Quick, Esq. Demands Printed Clarification from Chino Valley Review

Dear Mirsada Buric:

After I received many concerned emails and phone calls from friends, fans and investors, my Public Relations Director forwarded me your article on the arrest of a Richard Quick on explosives charges in Castle Canyon Mesa, AZ. While your story in the Chino Valley Review was otherwise well-written and informative, I believe you lapsed in your journalistic professionalism by not clarifying that this miscreant was not the same individual as the famous Millionaire with whom he shares his name.

If you reported on a local pedophile named Bill Gates, or a local car thief named Donald Trump, or a chicken rustler and vandal named George W. Bush, would you not attempt comment or clarification to reconcile and clarify identity? Would you print "Brad Pitt Arrested in Truckstop Men's Room Sting"? Would you report "Donald Rumsfeld Arrested for Indecent Exposure" without clarifying that it wasn't THE Donald Rumsfeld?

I have spent my life building a stellar reputation and a personal brand-name synonymous with self-made success and wealth acquisition. After building a personal fortune, a prominent law firm that bears my name, the non-profit NAAWP, I have dedicated myself to inspiring young people to attain their full potential. These youngsters come to my Get Rich Quick blog ( and learn that even if they lack a social pedigree, work ethic or talent, they can still acheive wealth by following my simple philosophy. How will they be able to believe in me - and therefore themselves - if they think I am a dynamite-stealing ne'er-do-well too stupid to get away with such an easy crime?

I must request that your paper immediately publish a clarification that this Richard Quick is in no way associated, or the same person, as the beloved Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq., founder of the NAAWP and publisher of Get Rich Quick! Furthermore, please either include said clarification in future stories on this rapscallion, or simply refer to him as "Ritchie Quick," "Rick Quick," "Dick Quick," or "Non-Millionaire Richard Quick."

Thank you for your immediate attention to this matter.

See you on the veranda!

Richard Quick, Esq.

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