TRAFFIC WHORES UNITE!

I am just like you, only I'm rich. Filthy rich.

If you were as rich as I am, you'd no longer have to kiss ass unless you chose to. You'd tend to be pretty blunt at times. And honest. And since everyone in American society (especially the slackers who pretend they're against materialism because they're too lazy or stupid to get some material) believes rich people are better than everyone else, and everyone would laugh at your jokes (however lame) and applaud your ideas (however inane), you'd find it easy to get pretty arrogant and sarcastic.

So if you had my money, odds are you'd be as arrogant, blunt & honest as I am, and no one would like you, either. But you wouldn't give a shit.

But here's a secret, straight from the Millionaire: You don't have to wait until you're rich to be honest. Or blunt. Or arrogant. Of course, you can't be those things in public, or on the job, but you can here in the blogosphere.

Start with Honesty. Most Bloggers are worried that people are going to label them Traffic Whores, those lowlife outsiders that post on blogs and bulletin boards in the attempt to draw traffic back to their own little blogs (most of which are just as conformist, pathetic, & boring as they are.) Some try outrageous stunts or take ridiculous positions to provoke controversy. The blog community acts offended and lashes out sarcastically, or with a "just ignore them" policy... unless it works and then they laud the effort while privately seething with Envy.

Because here's the truth: Every blogger is a closet Traffic Whore (TW), unless they are a Freaking Moron (FM). Why the hell would they be posting their BS in a public forum unless they wanted people to read it? And what's wrong with trying to prompt people to read it?

You're a Traffic Whore. Admit it. For once you admit it, you're on the road to recognition. There's no shame in being a TW, there's only shame in being an unsuccessful TW. Let me tell you, I had a post picked up by the losers on Fark.Com and had over 30,000 hits in two days. That was fun as hell. You should see all the stupid comments by these morons who think they are so clever but are stuck in third grade: hiding in the pack, parroting jokes they see on tv and pretending they are clever but never having an original thought or taking a real stand on anything.

So why not come here, admit you're a TW, and offer your tips and input as to how to be a successful TW without letting on to the rest of the Blogagentsia that you're a member of TWA. Or you can nominate a Traffic Whore that you know of. You don't have to worry... no one visits this blog. Your secret's safe with us.

Leave a comment or send me an email (richardquickesq(at)yahoo-dot-com) to gain membership to T.W.A. Traffic Whores Anonymous.