Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Richard Quick, Esq. is in Love!

Ever since the tragic loss of my young bride at sea, Ms. Blessing Paul, just moments after our wedding vows and transfer of her family fortune into my offshore account, it has been hard for me to even consider another woman for any purpose other than my own sexual gratification. They say that once you fall, you've got to mount another horse as soon as possible. And while mounting has not been a problem, nor has riding, I have not even considered anything more "stable" in the two months since I became a millionaire widower.

But all that has changed, as I am obsessed with a new love. She is curvy, fiery, and swears like a trucker being kicked by a drunken sailor. She breathes fire, speaks with forked tongue, and can skewer a blogger six ways 'til Sunday. Since she's still married, I can't mention her name, so I'll just call her Ms. Chatty from I Talk too Much I know it'll make Bitter Bitch jealous, but so what? She's already bitter. And a bitch. She had her chance.

Ms. Chatty's gonna be tough to land, but she'll take her place beside me on the veranda soon. Just you wait.


Gwen Hammond said...

Richard, I...I am so happy for you. I really do hope it all works out.

I have met someone too. His name is Eric and he is madly in love with me. He hasn't asked me yet but, I think we might be getting married. You are welcome at the wedding, of course. If we get married, that is.


Richard Quick, Millionaire said...


This IS news... how very predictively impulsive of you! Tell me about this Eric? How'd you meet? What's his net worth? what is the composition of his portfolio? Remember, you are contractually obligated to use the Quick, Duhk & Hyde PreNuptial this time. Not that we don't appreciate the fees every time I've got to have the firm bail you out of these messes each time. I'm hoping you'll marry sensibly one of these times, AFTER Quick Risk Management provides a comprehensive feasibility and assessment study with five, ten and twenty five year modeling forecasts. Your use of the "L" word is troubling. Marriage is too important a business decision, too binding a contract to leave to Love, my dear.

With the boom and premium pricing of "Security Forces" in Iraq, our covert "contractor" costs have escalated, and availability is tight even for me. If this one has to be mitigated, it will be costly and time-consuming. This is exactly what Benjamin Franklin was referring to when he said "An ounce of Prevention is worth a Pound of Cure."

Once again, please let us interrogate him thoroughly to learn his real intentions. What happened to Ricardo was an equipment failure that cannot happen again. Word is he is very happy, and even able to eat his pablum all by himself.

Concerned on the Veranda,