Friday, May 12, 2006

Results are in: Colbert Not Funny

(right: Stephen Colbert looks sad at the White House Press Corp. dinner, perhaps realizing his 15 minutes is up.)

The chads have been cast, the results have been counted and counted again, and it has been determined that:

Stephen Colbert is not funny.

A national poll conducted by Quick Research Group determined conclusively that not only is Stephen Colbert unfunny, he is pathetically unfunny. Embarrassingly unfunny. Painfully unfunny. If I were capable of such an emotion, I would feel sorry for him every time he flashes that beaming little self-congratulatory grin across his freshly scrubbed look-at-me-aren't-I-the-clever-one? face. Instead, I just want to slap it. He is the kid you beat up on the playground or, in my case, the kid I payed someone to beat up. He's just as smug as ever, and just as unaware how little he matters and how few care.

His speech at the White House Press Corp. dinner was a disgrace and a disaster. I'm sure whomever booked him is being tortured in a secret prison at this moment - and rightly so. His overwrought little video was as bad as the worst Saturday Night Live skit during its most unfunny years. Plus, the whole premise of an audition tape showing a negative scenario made as little sense as his nightly ramblings on his "Colbert Report" (It's pronounced Coal-bear Ra-pport. Isn't that funny?) Pathetic when someone has to adopt a fake persona in a lame attempt at humor.


Doctor Biobrain said...

That's right. Because comedy is a popularity contest, and you're only funny if a majority of people think you're funny. But then again, I thought Colbert was hilarious. So if laughing with Colbert is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Oh, and is there something about satire that you don't understand? Because it inherently involves taking on a "fake" persona. Or are you honestly suggesting that satire is always lame? I've always considered it to be one of the highest forms of comedy; but I guess if a majority of people don't agree, then I must be wrong. Because the general public is notorious for having good taste and always knowing what is funny. That’s why all the best movies are the most popular movies. Oh wait, I said that satirically. My apologies.

Doctor Biobrain said...

Ok. Nevermind. I just read more of your site, and realize that you might understand satire more than I had realized. My apologies.

Mick said...

I totally agree, I was watching the election night coverage from Stewart + Colbert, Jon Stewart is the best, Steven Colbert is painfully unfunny. Im from England and everyone here knows about the Daily Show with John Stewart, hardly anyone has heard of the Colbert report.