Friday, May 12, 2006
Results are in: Colbert Not Funny
(right: Stephen Colbert looks sad at the White House Press Corp. dinner, perhaps realizing his 15 minutes is up.)
The chads have been cast, the results have been counted and counted again, and it has been determined that:
Stephen Colbert is not funny.
A national poll conducted by Quick Research Group determined conclusively that not only is Stephen Colbert unfunny, he is pathetically unfunny. Embarrassingly unfunny. Painfully unfunny. If I were capable of such an emotion, I would feel sorry for him every time he flashes that beaming little self-congratulatory grin across his freshly scrubbed look-at-me-aren't-I-the-clever-one? face. Instead, I just want to slap it. He is the kid you beat up on the playground or, in my case, the kid I payed someone to beat up. He's just as smug as ever, and just as unaware how little he matters and how few care.
His speech at the White House Press Corp. dinner was a disgrace and a disaster. I'm sure whomever booked him is being tortured in a secret prison at this moment - and rightly so. His overwrought little video was as bad as the worst Saturday Night Live skit during its most unfunny years. Plus, the whole premise of an audition tape showing a negative scenario made as little sense as his nightly ramblings on his "Colbert Report" (It's pronounced Coal-bear Ra-pport. Isn't that funny?) Pathetic when someone has to adopt a fake persona in a lame attempt at humor.