Sunday, May 28, 2006


Start a Christian Dollar Store! The only thing Americans love more than Jesus is a great bargain for a dollar. So why not offer quality Christian products like Bible tins with cross-shaped mints, American "Fish Flag" pins (pictured), Tangy scripture candy, and t-shirts that read "Jesus. Sweet Savior. King of Kings" designed to look like the Reeses Peanut Butter Cups logo.

Open a Brain Transplant Clinic... even if you have no degree, medical background or intelligence! This is a great new business at the cutting edge of cosmetic technology. Why fix it when you can replace it?

Build Corpses for Fun & Profit. For $19.95, you can learn the secrets of building lifesize, realistic, decaying corpses in the privacy of your own home. You'll be the go-to guy or gal in your subdivision in no time.

Or Become a Corpse Reseller. Gone are the days of late night, moonlit trips to the foggy boneyard with annoying hunchbacks and all that digging. Now you simply pick up the phone, place your wholesale order, specify gender, hair color, skin color & degree of decay and you're done! Orders are dropshipped directly to your customers! All you do is sell!

Help Parents Create Perfect Children. God created some fine human beings, but GenoChoice is taking it to the next level. Earn a generous commission or referral fee for bringing your discriminating friends and neighbors to Genochoice BEFORE reproductive mistakes are made.

Become a Memory Erasure Intake Counselor. Work from home, counseling friends and neighbors on how to erase memories they'd rather forget. Not only will you earn consulting fees and sales commissions, you can erase your own bad memories for free!

Provide Primate Temp Tech Workers. Except for their unseemly habit of picking nits from their fur and eating them, primates are the perfect answer for the critical shortage in skilled technical workers available on short notice who will work for no pay.

Buy/Sell Black Market Babies, Pandas & Tigers. Dynamite product line. Growing market. Be sure you are in compliance with any laws in your township or borough.

Sell Upscale Human Caviar. Chrissy Caviar® started the ball rolling by marketing jars containing her own anaerobically sealed eggs suspended in light human tubal fluid. Conservationists love that they're 100% Dolphin Free. Sell Chrissy's eggs, or harvest your own!

Start a Negro Rental Service. Those crazy negros. Is there anything they can't do? Now you can turn the demand for America's favorite minority into a great business you can run from the other side of town. Or get ahead of the curve with a Latino Leasing, Temp-Iranians, Contract a Canuck, or Rent to Own an Asian Agency.

Here's how you can fight "get rich quick" scammers:
Click on their ads in the sidebars and headers of websites
named, like, Get Rich Quick!
That way, they make a contribution to the anti-scamming efforts
of Richard Quick, Esq. It'll be your little way of "clickin' it to the man. "
See you on the veranda! Richard Quick, Esq.


VirusHead said...

I favor those Jesus sports action with children statues. Jesus-the-terminator seems to be what it's all about now.

Oh, and I love the pope soap on a rope.

And the pillow of God creating Adam that plays "I wanna hold your hand."

Richard Quick, Millionaire said...

And the pillow of God creating Adam that plays "I wanna hold your hand."
It plays a copyrighted Beatles song? Looks like Adam will be in trouble with Apple once again.

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