Monday, May 15, 2006

Facts emerge on the radical Happinistas of the Gross National Happiness Team

My supporters have been dismayed intimidating tactics of the radical fundamentalist Gross National Happiness Team. Anonymous sources have provided behind-the-scenes details of this powerful, shadow group. One of the heads of this organization, who goes by the name "Susan," a self proclaimed "best mind of a generation" not only lives in California, but participates in "cohousing" (can you say commune?) Strong evidence suggests that her "cohouse" husband has links to the Sierra Club.

From where do these "Happinistas" import their insidious brand of joymaking activities? None other than the rugged rebel camps between India and China, the dreaded area known as The Land of the Thunder Dragon (a Tang Dynasty euphemism for nuclear warhead, if memory serves): Bhutan. Who doesn't shiver in fear at the very mention of the Bhutan Death March?

Gross National Happiness Team/GNH Team claims its philosophy is based on "universal principles developed by the country of Bhutan." Isn't American happiness good enough for these people? I'm happy. Damn happy. I don't remember being asked about my philosophy.

As it turns out, I know all about Bhutan, as I was considering buying it a few years ago. Do you want to know why they're so happy there? Their population has a median age of 20 years old. Their life expectancy is 55 years old. Male literacy is 60%, female literacy is 34%. They have 1 TV station. They are a monarchy with no written constitution (they couldn't read it anyway) and are lorded over by, I'm not kidding, King WANGCHUNG. The American hip-hop slang term "Bhutie" as in "Shake your Bhutie" is based on a traditional Bhutanese mating dance featuring spirited gyrations of aboriginal gluteal regions. It was transmitted through a settlement of Pennsylvania Shakers in Bhutan, known as the Bhutie Shakers.

Here's the real reason the Happinista Democrats look to Bhutan for spiritual enlightenment. The Bhuties share the Liberal Democrats sense of fiscal responsibility. The Bhutanese "government" has a yearly revenue of $146 million and expenditures of $152 million. Hmmm.... A bunch of illiterate 20 year olds living irresponsibly beyond their means... sound familiar to anyone?

See you on the veranda! Richard Quick, Esq.

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