Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Colbert Balls on Blogs OR Are Liberals The Last To Know What Amazing Losers They Are?

Stephen Colbert is the new darling of the moronic liberal blogging community, a distinction that's kind of like being the best-looking waitress at Denny's. Perhaps the giddying effect of Brokeback Mountain still lingers, because this highly original and creative community (as evidenced by their sheep-like conformity and their zombie-like parroting of catch-phrases) seems to be most obsessed with Stephen Colbert's balls. Here are a few posts on some of the more pathetic time-wasting loser sites.

From Arianna Huffington's pathetic The Huffington Post:
Shakespeare's sister: "Stephen Colbert has Balls as Big as Church Bells"
RQ responds: Don't you mean Sir Francis Bacon's sister?
Ezra Klein "Brass balls, baby."
Rangerk8: "... massive balls."
razorboy666: "Stephen 'Big Brass Balls' Colbert!!!"
Mrravini: "This guy has balls."
mason: "...a man with integrity AND balls"
nateroberts: "...ballsy performance."
partypartyparty: "Mr. Big Balls Colbert"
schadenfrauline: "you have balls turned from pure Unobtainium, stronger than brass, rarer than Platinum... "
RQ responds: Unobtainium. Isn't that what the Democrats use to build their political platforms?

On the esteemed liberal intellectual site
"Stephen Colbert's balls weighed in at a massive 20 lbs. a piece.... Colbert could feasibly impregnate 23 different women with his massive balls"
RQ responds: Excellent insights. Creative extrapolation. You're a true visionary. Then again, with a name like, you've gotta be good!

Hank Fox, man with dogs. (
"He was ballsy as King Kong... Balls of steel... Colbert has balls the size of coconuts"
RQ Responds: Hank. Tell the truth. It was you who let the dogs out, wasn't it? Hank?!
The Religious Left: "Mr. Colbert, thank God for your balls! If they weren't already huge and made of gold-plated brass, I'd suggest bronzing them."
RQ responds: He's too modest to plug himself, but if you need brass gold-plated or bronzed, or advice on which way to go with it, contact TRL. He's the best.
Tanvir: "Balls."
Susan F: "Balls of Steel"
Alex: "Balls out."
Will C. "He *really* does have balls."
Firefly: "Holding the mirror to expose Bush's naked butt... required balls of steel"
RQ responds:...and a real dedication to your work!

From the Pretentious Veganista Eco-Girl Site:
Truthgobbler Says: “Gargantuan brazen balls.”
RQ responds: One of my favorite dishes! But is that vegan?
Bonzai, The Evil Joker Says: “Greetings from Romania. It really took balls to pull the stunt you did!”
RQ responds: Thanks, Bonzai. Now finish your gruel and get back to your Romanian prison cell.

Other Sad Loser sites: "what gigantic balls of steel stephen colbert must have"
Jointblog for Media Trend Watching: "Big Brassy Balls "big balls of steel..." "Stephen Colbert's balls must be HUGE" "Balls of Stainless Steel" "Balls out." (?) (plain adder) "how ginormous Colbert's balls must be"
RQ responds: Ginormous! That's cute. Plain Adder. Does Mommy know you're on the computer?

From coconuts to church bells, from serious to awesome to pure... the mindless debate rages within the liberalagentsia who seem unconcerned with the time they waste on their employers' dimes. Here are posts from the embarrassing Stephen Colbert tribute site

Liberals debate the size of Stephen Colbert's balls:
Matthew Says: …You, my friend, have balls as big as church bells.
Chris James in Albuquerque Says: Steven, you have balls the size of coconuts…
Adam Peterton Says: balls the size of Washington
holly Says: Mmmmmm, mmmmmm, balls.. I like ‘em big.
Andrew Says: Colbert is a true American hero… With Huge Balls.
Adam Peterton Says: balls the size of Washington
Ben T Says: …balls as big as grapefruits…
Lucy B Says: Like cantaloupes, man. Giant, genetically altered, cantaloupes.
Matthew Schwartz Says: …the biggest balls on earth.
Alec Binyon Says: You have enormous, Texas sized brass balls.
ColbertForPrez Says: ...balls so large they may actually tear a rift in the space-time continuum.
Alec Binyon Says: You have enormous, Texas sized brass balls.
MWW Says: The man has brass balls the size of texas.
Matthew Schwartz Says: …the biggest balls on earth.

Stephen Colbert's balls compared:
Large Meaty Ballsack Says: Balls that rival my own.
Dan Says: you truly do have the most balls in the journalism business.
Won Garner Says: You are a hero, with the biggest balls on the planet.
RJ Says: …biggest balls of them all.
Meddling Kids Says: …bigger balls than anyone except Helen Thomas!
Bill Hicks Says: I have never seen balls of this magnitude!!!

Other attributes of Stephen Colbert's balls:
Niki Morris Says: …it must have taken some serious balls…
Joanne Says: Awesome balls
Jeff Tarbell Says: I salute your gigantic, red, white and blue balls.
JJ Says: the greatest example… pure balls i’ve ever seen…
Bob Saget Says: …mighty balls. Mighty, mighty balls.

Liberals debate the composition of the balls of Stephen Colbert
Brass: 21 Steel: 9 Titanium: 2 Granite: 1 Irony: 1 Unobtainium: 1
ik Says: Your tribute should be in Wikipedia under the definition of “Big Brass Balls”.
Elizabeth Conley Says: Thank you for your courage, your insight and your shiny brass balls.
Dain Says: … give yourself the brass balls award, because that took “mucho grudas.”
maurinsky Says: God bless you, Mr. Colbert, and God bless your Big Brass Balls.
S Nair Says: … Stephen “BrassBalls” Colbert…
Indra Says: … if you didn’t already have a pair of Stephen’s Big Brass Balls they would surely be awarded to you.
Kevin Brady Says: …Hopefully your big, brass balls will have some impact,…
Paul Weyland Says: We’re starting a movement to buy you an 800-pound pair of BRASS BALLS for your courage.
Matt Moore Says: When you say you’ve got brass balls, you hit the president over the head with them just to prove it.
Peter Says: …huge, shiny, brass balls.
Vytas B Says: …massive, massive brass balls.
Ray Lehtiniemi Says: Brass balls indeed!
Magorn Says: giant brass balls
Kira Alexander Says: Those are some brass balls you have there.
honey bunny Says: you’ve got some big, brass balls, and… i have the highest respect for you. because i respect big, brass balls.
RQ responds: Why don't you come by Quick Mansion around 9 tonight, honey bunny? And pick up a can of Brasso on the way.

a mitten Says:... gigantic balls of steel!
Ed Says: You have balls of steel my man.
kenaan tabikh Says: my friends are saying you have “balls of steel”!
RQ responds: You've got friends now, Keenan? Good for you! MySpace IS a wonderful thing!
Kurt W Says: You truly have balls of steel!
anonymous Says: That took titanium balls.
Justin Linder Says: …You got some granite balls my man!
amy Says: Huge balls of irony.
RQ responds: So THAT'S how he onomonopeias with such force!

NOTE: "Balls of Steel" image is used as a parody only. Balls of Steel name and logo are trademarks of The 3D Realms.


Sergeant America said...

In my humble opinion, after reading the "balls citations;" liberals don't know DICK about BALLS ... regardless of size, construction or elemental consistancy.

Rather good "coverage" of Colbert's "balldom!"



Richard Quick, Millionaire said...

Sergeant America:

You are a true patriot, Sir. I have awarded two of your superlative websites listings under my exclusive "Enlightened Ones" section.

Let's work together to expose the lies and misguided nonsense corrupting America!

See you, sir, on the veranda!

Richard Quick, Esq.