by Richard Quick, Esq.
America, stand by your hero, Floyd Landis!
For Al-Qaida terrorists surely did plan this.
To disgrace the U.S., they sent their best henchmen,
Assisted by tight-shorted weasily Frenchmen.
The Al-Qaida bike team's the worst in the land.
They ride in full robes & get stuck in the sand.
America's dominance had them annoyed.
They plotted attacks on our pretty boy, Floyd.
Testosterone pollen they sprayed on his flowers.
Creme Rinse with Steroids! they put in his shower.
His bike seat infected his buttocks & thighs
With terrorist skin cream, covertly applied.
Hornswaggled, bamboozled, both set-up & framed.
Flim-flammed, lambasted & Valerie-Plamed.
Osama's delighted with his little scam
But thanks to our intel, we're on to his plan!
It's time we defended our tracks, field & courts
From terrorist scandals that threaten our sports.
Covert operations from terrorist foes
Claimed Bonds, Janet Jackson, & even Pete Rose.
Let's blow up the French team, both riders & bikes!
Hit smart-ass dope testers with surgical strikes!
Bin Laden we'll ride off a cliff in the Alps
And festoon our bikes with fresh Al-Qaida scalps!
Let's invade some country, drop bombs 'til they're free!
Put yellow shirt decals on our SUVs!
The Cycle of Violence is ours to win
(Sponsored by FOX Sports, by NIKE & Schwinn).
The French stole our victory to anger and vex us
So let's seize their bike race & move it to Texas
Yes, Tour de America has a nice ring!
Three cheers for Floyd Landis! Of Landis we sing!
© 2006 Richard Quick, Esq.. Used by permission. You may link to this poem (http://richardquick.blogspot.com/2006/08/tour-de-america-tribute-to-patriot.html), but not reproduce it. Image is used by permission, and is licensed under the Creative Commons.