Sunday, March 04, 2007

A Great Day for Capitalist Pigs!

I've been cruising the Caribbean in GET RICH 3 and am delighted with the Internet speed from our new dedicated SATLINK connection. I think it's faster than the connection I get at either the estate or at the QUICKCO HQ campus. It's fabulous.

Funny Rolling Stone Article on Smithfield Hog Production

I indulged myself last night with a good scotch, Cuban cigar and tour of the ineffectual attempts by the Veganistas at communication. Their nonsensical arguments are matched only by their ineffectual PR skills. I got a tremendous kick out of the Rolling Stone article called Boss Hog in which the "writer" tries to evoke sympathy for pigs by equating their carcasses - by weight - with dead humans. A kindergartener could see through the awkward and ham-fisted (pardon the pun) attempt at transference - but not the protein-deprived Vegans. They hail it as "journalism." They would jump up and down with glee had they the strength. Had they the glee.

I'll tell you, this is one little piggy who'll be going to market first thing Monday. Tomorrow, Smithfield stock will rise once again, in part because of the BUY order I'll place at start of trading. The Rolling Stone story provided some great press that will help bump the stock price, including:
Smithfield Foods, the largest and most profitable pork processor in the world, killed 27 million hogs last year. That's a number worth considering. [RQ: Sure is!]... Smithfield estimates that its total sales will reach $11.4 billion this year.... The company produces 6 billion pounds of packaged pork each year. That's a remarkable achievement, a prolificacy unimagined only two decades ago, and the only way to do it is to raise pigs in astonishing, unprecedented concentrations.
I felt good about my investments in Smithfield after reading that, I'll tell you. I had the cook make me a BLT and plan a gourmet pork dish on the menu for dinner. (I need a break from fresh fish anyway). The article speaks glowingly of Smithfield's success under the leadership of my good friend Joe Luter III:
Smithfield's expansion was unique in the history of the industry: Between 1990 and 2005, it grew by more than 1,000 percent. In 1997 it was the nation's seventh-largest pork producer; by 1999 it was the largest. Smithfield now kills one of every four pigs sold commercially in the United States. As Smithfield expanded, it consolidated its operations, clustering millions of fattening hogs around its slaughterhouses. Under Luter, the company was turning into a great... machine.
The article continues to celebrate the dominance and profitability of Smithfield as the Boss of All Hogs:
Smithfield's market dominance is hardly at risk: Twenty-six percent of the pork processed in this country is Smithfield pork. The company's expansion does not seem to be slowing down: Over the past two years, Smithfield's annual sales grew by $1.5 billion. In September, the company announced that it is merging with Premium Standard Farms, the nation's second-largest hog farmer and sixth-largest pork processor. If the deal goes through, Smithfield will own more pigs than the next eight largest pork producers in the nation combined. ..
Brilliant Propaganda Planted by Smithfield!
It was then that is occurred to me that this was actually a brilliant story PLANTED by the brilliant PR minds at Smithfield... A promotional pig-in-sheep's-clothing ploy. Brilliant! Scanning back over it, the tongue-in-cheek humor is wonderful and suddenly obvious: The author's name is JEFF TIETZ. The story is called Boss Hog, and the story is truly about Smithfield's dominance and Luter's brilliance. They just threw in the pollution talk, and words like "transmogrify" and "shit" to make it fit in this pretentious pseudo-intellectual rag. Just watch: the already sold-out baby boomers who read Rolling Stone skipped over the pig shit parts and already have calls into their brokers to BUY Smithfield pork asap.

Ahh, it's a great day for Capitalist Pigs!

Here are some of the Animal Rights nut-jobs, protein-deprived Veganistas and other self-righteous losers with posts on the Rolling Stone Boss Hog story:
Inside the Mind of a Vegan
Boing Boing
Vegan Porn
World Vegan and NutJob News
NutJob Heaven: Vegan.Com
Cafe Jack
After School Snack
Super Lost: Super Vegan
Flax on Friday



1 comment:

Raylon said...

As a vegan I appreciate the hard on you obviously have for this article (2 blog posts from the self professed king of all bloggers within a week?) and the subsequent reaction it has gotten from us, the enlightened community. I published your comment on our blog. My hope is that everyone who visits our blog will get an 'It's so f'd up all you can do is laugh' - laugh from reading some of your content. Meanwhile I'll keep trying to figure out if you're intentionally ridiculous or actually the most conceited person in the world.

Thanks for giving us legitimacy.