Sunday, September 10, 2006

NEW! Friendly Fire Ammo!


There’s nothing like a good war to make the American heart swell with pride, to fatten the bank accounts of patriotic corporations, to make heroes out of expendable teens and to liberate strange, brown people from the burden of living. But unfortunately, war is not all flag-waving and no-bid contracts. Occasionally, bad things happen. Sometimes our brave Americans fire on their own troops (oops!), which results in embarrassment, hurt feelings, costly medical care, bad press and occasional court martial proceedings. And that’s bad for everyone!

But now, thanks to the QuickCo/PixWit partnership, there’s a better way, a kinder, gentler way to kill our own… with Friendly Fire Ammo! Why Friendly Fire?

Snuffy sez: It’s Effective! Friendly Fire™ Ammo is made with patented SmartSnuff™ Technology. Once it enters a soldier’s or civilian’s body, it moves through muscle, bone and soft tissue until it locates and pierces at least two vital organs. No need for costly, painful VA hospital stays. No confusing court testimony. That’s good for taxpayers… and America!

Snuffy sez: It’s Painless! Quick Research Group and several government agencies conducted extensive testing on human and animal subjects in countries around the world while developing Friendly Fire™ Ammo. We fine-tuned it until it was 100% pain-free! It was an expensive process, but we think our boys are worth it!

Snuffy sez: Accidents Happen! Everybody makes mistakes. That’s why pencils have erasers! And that’s why the toll-free number to the Friendly Fire hotline is imprinted on every shell. As soon as you’ve killed a comrade or committed an atrocity, dial 1-800-FRIENDLY and notify your service representative. Using our patented Friend-Lie™ Plausible Denial software, you’ll have a bulletproof scenario messaged to your cell phone, PDA or iPOD in minutes!

Snuffy sez: Everybody Wins with Friendly Fire! Friendly Fire is good for families, who can celebrate their loss with a medal and hero’s funeral. It’s good for the American people, who get confused by such scenarios. It’s good for the war effort. And it’s good for the little brown people who are dying to be liberated. And, above all, it’s good for our shareholders.

Friendly Fire™ Ammo.
IRAQ Tested. Pentagon Approved.

Stock Symbol FREND. Stock Offering by Prospectus Only. QuickCo/PIXWIT Industries. Snuffy and the Friendly Fire graphic are creations of PIXWIT Studios.


Renegade Eye said...

There is so much in life, I've been missing. Thank you for that informative post.

Richard Quick, Millionaire said...

Your comment seems strangely, shall I say, detached? Disconnected from the subject? Irrelevant? Mildly psychotic? Could it be that even self-righteous Marxists now engage in the comment spam and traffic whoring activities of enlightened capitalists?

Welcome, Renegade. Welcome!